Roly
member
Reged: 07/01/2007
Posts: 386
Loc: SW France
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I have found out today that my 13 yr old daughter is worse than I at first thought. She has been self harming herself. I mentioned that she had cut her hair off and I have now found out that she is cutting herself with a school compass. I am devastated. I spoke to her and she can't cope with her feelings. She says she is just always angry. It is taking some time for me to come to terms with this.
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GILL3SQ
member
Reged: 29/07/2008
Posts: 1594
Loc: Staffordshire
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Hi Roly,
First off, please do not think you are the only one going through this. Many many girls of this age do exhibit this sort of behaviour for very many reasons. I do think it would be wise to organise some sort of counselling for her though as she obviously has alot of issues that need working through. I do think much of this can be attributed to "normal" teen/hormonal problems but that does not make it any easier for you to deal with. It will probably be a long job to get her back on an even keel but they do all grow up to be quite normal eventually.!! I am sure there will be several of us on here who have been through the same issues.
Gx
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jasool
member
Reged: 20/08/2009
Posts: 18
Loc: Warrington
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Dear Roly,
I realise your discovery about your daughters self harming is both shocking and distressing for you, but want to assure you that you are not on your own, and your daughter needs to know that she isn't either. Self harming is, sadly, a quite common behaviour, particularly among young people, but does affect people of all ages. Your daughters School Nurse should be an ideal contact for both of you, both for information and support. Self harming is usually described by young people as a way of letting out their feelings, but alternatives can be explored. What's important is that your daughter has access to support, or at least knows where she can access it when she's ready to. Obviously as her mum you will be there for her and I'm sure she knows that. Unfortunately, young people don't always choose their parents to provide that support but there are many other support mechanisms available - what, will depend on your area, so as I said earlier, one good point of contact will be the school nursing service as they should be aware of what is available for both your daughter and yourself should you wish. I'm sure others on this forum will also have advice,and you'll soon discover many others have been through similar issues. Good luck!
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JulieJ
member
Reged: 29/12/2008
Posts: 549
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Definitely get professional help. It's a well recognised problem, with well recognised routes out, so there should be a lot that can be done to help your daughter. But please sound off here for yourself, whenever you want, as you must be worried.
I once cut my arm with a razor as I was very cross, and knew I couldn't either lash out at the person I was cross with (another girl at school who was getting at me), or smash something (too expnesive and I would get into trouble!), so I cut myself instead on my forearm. I still have a very faint scar. I never did it again (I think I scared myself!) (Plus I learnt to snap pencils in half instead - it was very satisfying to hear the break, but know it was only a pencil, and only worth pence, not pounds.)
I'm sure there must be some support websites and forums as well - here's one that comes up very quickly if you google self-harm support/help -
http://www.selfharm.net/
All the very best, and please, please don't panic.
Take care, Julie.
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tuzanne
member
Reged: 17/07/2009
Posts: 436
Loc: Essex
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I work on a children's ward and we often have young teenagers in who have OD'd or self harmed. We check them out medically and then they are always referred to an organisation called the Child and Family Consultation Serivce (CFCS) for a follow up appointment where they see staff trained in these sort of problems. It is extremely upsetting to see such young people doing this to themselves and they all have varying reasons for doing so ranging from bullying, boyfriends dumping them, drink, sexual and physical abuse etc. You don't say why you think your daughter is doing this and it might be that she is unable to open up to you or a close member of the family. I am not sure exactly what a similar organisation is called where you live but your school nurse or doctor should be able to tell you and get you a referral. Self harming is normally a sign of a child trying to get control and by harming themselves they are in control of the whole situation. I hope you get help for her soon.
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ROW
member
Reged: 16/10/2009
Posts: 179
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Please dont panic,this is a problem that appears in all kinds of kids for all kinds of reasons. At least you are aware now that your daughter is doing this...it is always an indication, that a child needs help dealing with their feelings.Its important to try to have a very gentle,non threatening discussion with her about this, and about the fact that you want to support her in anyway you can and help her so that she doesnt feel the need to do this.Please get her professional help, as parents we want to be able to sort out our kids problems ourselves, but when it comes to self harming..we cant go it alone, we are just not qualified to do it. Your daughter has told you she is just so angry all the time,thats the first step, now you need to get her together with someone who is qualified to help her cope and deal with those feelings without hurting herself. I wish your daughter the very best, and am sending you a hug, because this is really a difficult time for you. Row xx
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PatsyW
member
Reged: 28/12/2007
Posts: 2291
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Hi Roly, I've not been on here much and have only just seen this post.
You must be reeling from this discovery. I was shocked to discover recently that a friend of my sons was doing it (now involved in family therapy). As a result of this my son discovered that at least 2 others do it too - they say it helps them cope.
The information from the forum ladies is good and I hope you can get help for your daughter, and some to help you cope too.
Keep us posted. x
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Well behaved women seldom make history.
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WoodyM
member
Reged: 01/04/2009
Posts: 670
Loc: Cheshire
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So sorry to read your post, no real experience except a friend whose daughter, same age, went thru this. She had excellent help from the school and social services and is now a happy 17 year old with good GCSEs and doing her apprenticeship.
Get help.......good luck.......
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snoopy56
member
Reged: 28/08/2007
Posts: 199
Loc: Norfolk
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I can only re-iterate what other people have said - you must get professional help. I was first alerted to a problem with my daughter by the school nurse. We then went to my GP who was very sympathetic and referred my daughter to a counsellor which she said she found very helpful. She was also prescribed a low dose anti-depressant which I realise is a very emotive issue but I trusted my GP and again my daughter said they helped. I don't know the background to your daughter's problems but in my daughter's case it was a combination of trying to push the boundaries at home and being told no, breaking up with her first boyfriend, and a girl at school who was causing her grief - all normal teenage problems. One thing a counsellor will do is distinguish between these 'normal' problems and any more deep rooted issues that may need addressing. They will also help her to find safer ways of dealing with her feelings (such as pencil snapping!).
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Lucindabeech
member
Reged: 07/08/2009
Posts: 8
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Hi Roly
I really feel for you, a mother feels protective of her children but we don't ever expect to have to protect them against themselves.
I can't offer you much more advice than the other posts, except that alot of secondary schools now employ mentors. They are specialised in building a rapport with young people and helping them in finding their own solutions to problems. Its worth contacting the school to see how they can help.
Good luck x
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Roly
member
Reged: 07/01/2007
Posts: 386
Loc: SW France
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Thanks to all of you for your support and advice. I will keep you posted and will probably be on the forum again at sometime in the future.
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