Roly
member
Reged: 07/01/2007
Posts: 386
Loc: SW France
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I have been awake all night .. again. My middle daughter who is 13 is just such a worry to me. She is obviously going to go through the teenage years differently to my 15 yr old. She does nothing except sit on the computer all day and then says that she is bored. OH and I have tried limiting the use of computer but it is difficult to keep policing it. We disconnect the internet connection for most of the day just to keep her off it. She finds it difficult to entertain herself (probably because she is the middle of 3 girls, so used to having someone to play with). She is only happy when she is away from us, staying with friends and said the other night that she doesn't like coming home" because it's boring."
This week she has been so bored she has taken a razor to her hair and cut the front of it off!!!!! She looks a sight. Last night we had tears and tantrums again because I won't let her go out today to meet a "friend" that I have never heard of until last night. Her sisters are sick of her because she won't do her fair share and because she takes things that belong to them and then denies it. She mopes around the house and won't do anything I ask her unless we have a row over it. OH can't understand her at all and so tries to avoid her at all costs.
She wants to be treated as a much older teenager than she is and allowed to go to parties and stay out with her friends. She is only 13 and I didn't allow this for my ED so I don't see why I should do so for her. I'm not sure what to do or say to her and we are all walking on eggshells so as not to upset her, but she's the one doing the upsetting.
Any advice ladies or anyone want to foster a teenager and let me have her back when she's older?
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carsma
member
Reged: 13/02/2009
Posts: 3270
Loc: Berks
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Oh dear Roly, sounds like you are suffering from what my Mum called middle child syndome, how awful for you all, and affecting everyone. Mum always said have an even number of children, so I stuck at 2. She was a middle child and always felt her elder brother was allowed to do things she wansn't and favoured because he was first and younger brother was spoilt because he was the youngest and she was stuck in the middle. Sounds like your daughter is probably the same, but too young to deal with her feelings and is lashing out at those nearest and dearest.
No doubt she sees her older sister doing stuff she is too young for and bitterly resents it, she is stuck at the moment between being a child still and wanting to be more of an adult. You are right to stop her going to see someone you have never heard of, you don't know who she might be meeting these days. Have you had her friends over to stay at all ??
Sorry, I can give support, but no actual advice, I will leave it to those that know of which there are many I'm sure. I survived the teenage years unscathed and incredibly lucky it seems, reading many of the posts on here, the worst I had was an incredibly superior eldest son, who hated his sister and treated us all as if we hadn't a brain between us and were totally beneath him, hardly so terrible in the grand scheme of things.
As for OH, that is a male thing, there is no middle road with them, they either go totally over the top and make everything yen times worse,or retreat because they haven't got a clue what to do, as if we should have all the answers. Mine retreated and left me to it, he has now emerged again as they are lovely well balanced adults and he can finally relate to them a bit again.
I do hope someone can give you some sound advice, and that you are able to find a way to muddle through this awkward age, you have my sympathy........!!
Carsma x
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ROW
member
Reged: 16/10/2009
Posts: 179
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Hello Roly. I have a 13 year old daughter too....and can totally relate to what you are going through.My daughter also feels bored,fed up and generally annoyed with everyone and everything. I really believe that most of whats going on is hormonal, and all you can do is ride that one out.Her brother is 3 years older and she sees him living a life that she wants now,more freedom,more space ect. I can only tell you what I have done.I stick to my boundaries and totally ignore all the strops. I encouraged her to give her room a make over and we made it into what she felt was more of a teen bedroom(it doesnt have to cost a lot), I encouraged her to have as many friends over to visit as she wanted, as well as sleep overs. I also got a list of local activities/clubs for her to look at so that she would be out there meeting new people ect,but within a safe environment.She is now busier than she and although she is still on the computer(who isnt at this age!),she has other things going on so it isnt all that she does.It has helped a lot...she still has her strops(which I ignore and dont rise to),but she is happier and busier. Hope this helps. Row
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freesia
member
Reged: 01/01/2009
Posts: 1607
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Hello Roly
I have 3 daughters. but it was my youngest who wanted to grow up fast and had a lots of strops too...like Row said we use to have friends to stay over and take her best friend on holiday with us, you just have to ride this one out, it is a teenage thing, hard I know but try and keep her active with
things going on by you if you can. My 3 are young ladies now loverly girls, oldest married middle one happy and youngest has turned out to be really good company when I see her she's got loads of patience and she never gets angry like she did in her teens , sorry not been much help 
Good luck freesia x
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Hosta
member
Reged: 12/07/2009
Posts: 50
Loc: Uxbridge
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Oh poor you -I agree with ROW keep her busy if possible, have her friends over, see what they like to do - keep lines of communication open, their must be somewhere she would like to go perhpas with you for a few hours. Children at that age seem to say they are board but mostly mean they don't know what to do -lets face it they do still have lots of choice. Failing let her sort the washing now that is boring
It is difficult when you have a child different from the others you have raised just remember I believe that all children come with 10% you have nothing to do with. I have 2 daughters like chalk and cheese but both great now (24 ^ 21) ) so only af ew years to go.
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eliza
member
Reged: 20/03/2008
Posts: 676
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It's hard as raising children doesn't come with a difinetive guide.
Try to keep her as active as possible clubs etc not easy i know but it may help,and try to keep in mind that she will be hormonal and it effects everyone differently.
I have a 14yr old daughter who spends time on the computor frustrating but I know where she is and the comp is in the living room so im able to monitor her usage.
And if its any consellation(which it probably won't be) I allowed her out the other evening because she had friends over who i thought were good sensible girls and she came home drunk!! i was mortified.She threw up all over the bathroom we had tears yelling the lot.
The girls ( who should have been staying) were promptly packed off home I have grounded my daughter and confiscated her phone.
Getting drunk was the last thing I thought she would do but you never know do you.
Strangely when I told a group of friends they all seemed to think it was nothing really as they had all done it at 14 too.
And she does appear very remorseful.
So what im trying to say is there is no easy way of dealing with teens its what works best for all of you
Hope that makes sense.
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swissmum
member
Reged: 20/08/2009
Posts: 498
Loc: Valais Switzerland
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My 13 year old plays basket ball training every week day lunch time and 3 times aweek in the evenings plus matches at weekends. However on ce she is home we don't see her at all computer if shes not doing home work (thankgoodness she does do that)
If we see her quite honestly its a trial for all at the moment, youngest of 3 same problem with helping around the house and despite all the sport she is still BORED!
She hates us, herself sometimes her friends, often school and roll on 15.
At least that was when the others started to improve.
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 The world is so empty if one thinks only of mountains, rivers and cities; but to knowsomeone here and there who thinks and feels with us, and though distant, is close to us in spirit, this makes the earth for us an inhabited garden.SwissmumXXX
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Ellikat
member
Reged: 29/08/2009
Posts: 334
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Hi Roly.Goodness, when I starting reading your post I thought you were describing my daughter!!!! She is 14 and we're having an awful time right now. She is moody, only interested in her friends, in shopping and on MSN. I too feel like I'm walking on egg shells whilst she feels she's doing nothing wrong and it's everyone else(well me mainly) She is demanding, selfish and not nice to know at times. But then she can also be loving and revert back to being like a child again. What I am trying to say is you are not alone. I am trying to pick and choose my "fights" with her and let things go that don't matter. That's not easy I know and it's not about letting her get away with it either. Sorry i can't be more helpful but just to let you know that you're not alone. Allow time for yourself doing things that make you feel good so you can deal with the challenges.
good luck and thinking of you.
Ellikat X
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