Yumicat
member
Reged: 20/10/2009
Posts: 3
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I seem to be spending my whole day ranting and raving and it is only 12 noon. I have 4 year old twins and it is school holiday, dh is at work. The kids are just being their normal selves, they both have colds but nothing unusual and all I seem to do is get at them for the simplest thing. I have tried blaming them but it is not them it is me. Once I start ranting I do not stop I am like a child myself. They kept ignoring me so I said right I am going to ignore you, how childish is that. I have even let them get their lunch! I think I am so tired at the moment that I cannot think rationally. I have this week off but go back to work next week and that is not going to help as I do not seem to be able to get the balance right between work, home, kids and college. I wish I had never agreed to the college course. I have just ordered some books off the internet in the hope that they will inspire me to be a good mum but I think I know that when I am well rested I am ok. I find it is a vicious circle and when I am like this I want a wine or two in the evening and then in the morning I feel rubbish and it all starts again. Don't get me wrong I do not over drink but just a couple of glasses and then the kids waking up at 5.45 is enough. I guess the answer is no wine and an early night! The kids wake up early every morning and I mean early and I mean every morning.
I better stop as I appear to be rampling!
Not sure what I am after by posting not done it before but feel better for having got it off my chest.
Thanks for listening.
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merc1
member
Reged: 20/02/2008
Posts: 1031
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Welcome Yumicat.Glad you feel better for posting.I am sure you are a normal mother and a good one if you are aware of your situation and trying to improve things.
Bringing up children is a hard job and doing everything else must be really difficult. Something sometimes has to go and you will get the balance right.
Do you have any family who could help out a bit or close friends with whom you can have a moan and the children can play with others.It may be a good idea to give the twins something to occupy them in the early morning so you can have an extra few minutes.I am sure other ladies will have good ideas. It is a long time since mine were young but I do remember the tiredness and I didn't have a fulltime job.
People always listen on here so keep in touch. You are not a bad mother. Good luck. merc.x.
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kitty52
member
Reged: 24/10/2009
Posts: 42
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Hi Yumicat,
When my children were young there were many times I felt as you do now - you are not a bad mother, just a very tired overstressed one. The thing that helped me the most when I couldn't change a situation was to mentally tell myself that things may be bad at the moment, but that they are not going to stay like it - this bit just has to be got through. Children do not stay the same age forever and what is a problem now will not be in, say, six months time.
Try to be kind to yourself, don't over-analyse and don't feel guilty - you're doing a great job!
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kate1
member
Reged: 18/08/2008
Posts: 6802
Loc: Leicestershire
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Being a parent of young children has to be the hardest job ever!
I can remember being like you describe, and mine are now 36 and 33!
I think if you get through it, and your children love you and still speak to you when they have grown up, then you have done an ok job!
I have grandchildren now, and that is totally different...you don't get cross because you have time for them, and that time is limited.Your grandchildren are the children you enjoy...with your own, you're just so busy!
Good luck.It's lovely to have twins, and I bet they look angelic...when they're asleep!!
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Yumicat
member
Reged: 20/10/2009
Posts: 3
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You are very kind. I usually do try and get out and mix with other kids but it just didn't work out like that today. The kids watch the tv in the morning, they have a little tv in the spare room but often they end of bickering and I have to get up and intervene.
One of my kids is very full on and only likes to be with me, she is not capable of entertaining herself and I run out of ideas and steam some days. I guess today was one of those days.
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beau
member
Reged: 25/03/2009
Posts: 98
Loc: Planet Beau
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You sound like a normal mummy to me - just an exhausted one which a lot of us can relate to at some point. As Kitty said, be kind to yourself.
I know it's seems hard but just wanted to say stick with the college if you can. It is probably something you decided to to because you wanted to. It's 'yours' - not home,family, work etc but something for you. If you can, stick at it because you will feel so great when you have achieved whatever you're going for. 
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I am not an old hippie.... I am a hip oldie
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WoodyM
member
Reged: 01/04/2009
Posts: 670
Loc: Cheshire
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No you are not......I agree with everybody else.....its hard work being with small children all day. I would never have survived without Fireman Sam and Thomas videos!! and I freely admit sticking them in front of the TV for a break. Second one just finishing Uni so it not done him any harm!! Getting a couple of hours off to yourself is the best medicine.....anyone around who can help?? Coming on here also helps...
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Carey
member
Reged: 03/06/2008
Posts: 163
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No you are not! Its just bloody hard work looking after kids so no wonder you are tired.
I used to find the best thing to do was get them outside as soon as possible to have a good run around they would be much calmer then.
It will get easier as they get older just hang on in there!
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luckylegs
member
Reged: 08/12/2008
Posts: 616
Loc: essex
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Oh you poor thing ,I remember that feeling so well. Having 2 children very close together and working full time and my husband on nights I was like a Basil Fawlty. I look back now and realise that I made it worse by trying to be too perfect. Let things slip if you can and don't try to do everything. Getting them out for run around in the park always saved my sanity.My son was always and still is awake at the crack of dawn,so I know that it is the tiredness which gets to you.Try snuggling down with them with a video, then perhaps you can have a dooze. It does pass and you will survive it. Also don't compare yourself to others. Al lMum's struggle,some just lie about it,and appear to be in control. Take care and breath!!!
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daisieday
member
Reged: 09/08/2009
Posts: 19
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I bet you feel better already?.When my son was young it was hard work with just him Dont know about two. It will get easier as they get older. I used to put him in front of the tellietubbies and that was my time even if i did do housework! We all struggle and the tierdness I thik is the worst but kids bring so much love and happiness . Its true what Luckylegs says that "all mums struggle , some just lie about it ".Just chill because tomorrow is an other day.xxxxxx
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BettyRubble
member
Reged: 06/02/2008
Posts: 608
Loc: South west France
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My son, now a strapping 6ft, 15 year old used to say to me, "mummy are you watching this through your eyelids" I used to say "yes, yes, ask me anything you like about it !!" Trust me Yumicat, you are a good Mum, a knackered one, but a good one.
Ignore all those "mothers of perfection" it's not true - and if the twins will sleep for twenty minutes after lunch then you nap as well. Pass on 'chores' like bathtime and bedtime to the OH for a couple or three nights a week and book a babysitter once a month. Don't let anyone tell you, you are doing a bad job, you are doing the best you can and ultimately, you are loving your children and that is all anyone (including them) can ask for.
All the best
Betty
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jayne59
member
Reged: 11/10/2009
Posts: 53
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Hi yummicat
All sounds very familiar to me. I have 4 children (all grown up now) and i was a single parent too.
Tiredness is horrible but my advice is for you to get them out, swimming, to the park so they can collect leaves, play on the swings etc. just generally tire theselves out. Fresh air always used to do it for mine and i know how hard even the simplest of things can seem when you are so tired. Its ok to ask for help you know and just a little thought, are you depressed about anything?
Keep in touch with us all and dont beat yourself up, im sure there are plenty of us that have been where you are now so try and relax and make friends with your children. They are precious gifts, i wish i could help you more but im here if you want to chat.
Good Luck
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saffronmill
member
Reged: 07/01/2009
Posts: 76
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This might sound the last thing you want to hear just now but honestly these are the best days of your childrens lives - in years to come you will look back and treasure them - might not seem like it at the moment, but it will happen - am on my first grandchild and have to agree with Kitty that you have much more time for them - I know it seems a long way off for that, but your children will actually tell them what a great mum you were even though its the last thing you feel at the moment.
The tiredness is I know beyond description, my own daughter is a walking zombie with her son who does not sleep ever - and she works full time as well as studying - when I mention how tired she is she simply says - but mum you did it and survived - how true, but we soon forget. keep your chin up - it will get better.
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barb55
member
Reged: 31/08/2009
Posts: 41
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it sounds you need some me time. have you anybody you can ask to help out eg family , friends. its hard being a mum 24/7, and tiredness is torture., but you sound like mums all over the country. so don,t think of yourself as a bad mum.
try and ignore negative behaviours, if you shout at them they will think its ok to shout at you.
i work with parents and families and wish i knew then what i know now.
keep us posted, we,re hear to chat to.
xx
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Crafty
member
Reged: 04/10/2009
Posts: 198
Loc: West Wales
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Not sure I can offer any real advice. I was lucky, parents only 2 miles down the hill. My daughter loved being in the garden. Picking up worms and snails, digging, planting her own secret garden. Fresh air tires. Indoors she loved nothing more than to draw - admittedly it was sometimes on the walls behind an armchair - she is an only child and really managed to entertain herself in a way although I was always there to help and we did lots of creative things together rather than just play. All children are different. Twins I suppose can play with each other but also squabble. I can understand that it must be very tiring ( although my husband was hoping I would have twins as we'd waited a long time.)
The good thing is, that every day is different. I used to think of loads of things I couldn't wait to tell her about and now I don't know what they were.
I hope you can manage to get a bit of sleep time to build yourself up for the fray the next day. Remember most mums have come through something similar to a lesser or greater degree and it comes out OK in the end. I'm sure it will be for you too.
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Yumicat
member
Reged: 20/10/2009
Posts: 3
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Thank you all for your replies. I do feel better today although not had a good nights sleep as one of my daughters had a bad cough and ended up sleeping in with me. However, I have picked up on some of the things you guys said and so today I have a plan and that does not involve a lot of down time for the children but at the same time it should not tire me out.
I also met with a friend yesterday afternoon and she gave me some tips on lowering my expectations re the state of the house and also simplifying cooking etc.
My fear is that my shouting and losing my temper will make the children think that it is ok to react in such a way so I must take control and mend my ways. So one day at a time and lets get through today without any major 'wobblies'.
Thanks again
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ROW
member
Reged: 16/10/2009
Posts: 179
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Hi Yumicat...as you can see, and take heart from, all us mums have been there.Taking care of young children is mind numbingly exhausting,day in and day out.....and you are exhausted. My kids (now 13&16) woke up early every single day when they were young...right up until they hit their teens, and now will sleep for england and would sleep all day if I didnt wake them up!!!This time will pass, you will sleep enough again and you wont be so utterly exhausted all the time, hold on to that thought. I agree with all the other ladies about getting them out, the more you can,the better,they will be calmer and it will ease the pressure on you when you are tired.Look for mother and child groups in your area and try to join one,the kids will be able to play and you will get a break from having to entertain them.Other mums with kids the same age was what kept me sane in those early years. Hang in there, be proud of yourself, you are doing your very best, and thats all any of us can do,believe me this time will pass. Take care. Row xx
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Foxie
member
Reged: 09/08/2007
Posts: 7994
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I am another one who would say take them out in the fresh air every day. I truly think children need a good run everyday like dogs. Take a couple of balls with you and make sure they run(!), go to the swings and encourage them to go on everything so they get really tired.
Can you meet up with another mum and so your children are playing with someone else and are less likely to argue with each?
Can you give your children little jobs to do in the house? Keep them busy! tidying toys, dusting, sweeping with little children's brooms. Involve them when you go shopping, let them help with weighing fruit, recognising the cereal packets etc. Yes, it does take a bit longer, but it is all activity and learning.
Re. shouting, I would suggest lowering your voice and crouching down next to your children so they have to listen and concentrate to hear what you are saying. I realise you are tired, but if you can tire your children out, they will sleep better and so will you.
Do you have wind down bedtime routine? Bath, cuddles, story, chat about the day and about the next day. This might also help.
Don't be hard on yourself, you sound a very normal mum to me.
Take care
Foxie
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I've learnt that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou.
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JulieJ
member
Reged: 29/12/2008
Posts: 549
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Just to drop by and say, quite agree with the mum who said forget about the house and cooking!
This is true at normal times, but during time off school it's essential. Remember, no child will ever grow up and tell their parents they fondly remember a clean house - they will remember the fun time they had with their mum and dad.
Dump the housework - it can wait - it can always wait - ditto for cooking (strip food down to the minimum of work!), and get the kids out and TIRED!!!!!!(Swimming is THE best way to tire them out - plus you get to bob about supported by the water while they are rushing around!)
I agree with all the posts that say you are a totally normal mum -
Best, Julie.
PS - can you have the kids in separate rooms while they are watching TV each???
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