spamella
member
Reged: 21/10/2009
Posts: 2
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Hi, I'm new here, and have a problem. I saw how supportive you all are, and how non-judgemental, so this is the place for me.
I'll keep it short and, initially, non-specific. I've been married for 4 years. I still love my husband but the sexual spark has long gone, and I really feel a need to have all that excitement again. I still feel attractive, but it's fading fast, and my sex-drive is through the roof. I've talked to the hubby and we've tried but it doesn't look like things are going to get better.
I am constantly thinking about other guys, and love the way they look at me. The thought of letting them take out their desire on me makes me feel so alive. I'm not ready to quit yet.
What should I do? Please help..
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PLASMO
member
Reged: 13/03/2008
Posts: 13100
Loc: FLOUNCELAND
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Hi Spamella,
As much as I would love to think you are a bona fide forummer, I am finding it difficult to do so.
If you are who you say you are, and your predicament is real, then I think the best place for you is Relate.
Plasmo
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kate1
member
Reged: 18/08/2008
Posts: 6862
Loc: Leicestershire
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I think the clue is in your name, as much as the content, so I won't be commenting on your 'problem'.
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JulieJ
member
Reged: 29/12/2008
Posts: 559
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I think the best place for you is a porn site. Off you go, dear.
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spamella
member
Reged: 21/10/2009
Posts: 2
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That's great guys, thanks a lot. Friends have called me spam/spammy/spamella since school. Perhaps I'll change my name for your benefit. If you can't say something useful, just don't bother.
Oh and you're right, the content is totally implausible because I'm a white picket-fencer just like you, just like absolutely everybody, and things like that don't happen to me.
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chilla
member
Reged: 05/09/2008
Posts: 6237
Loc: runcorn
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Given what I do in my life I don't think I qualify for white picket-fencer!
In case you are bona fide, well, I can't offer any advice from your perspective. All I can say is that you do decide to have an affair, you are unleashing all sorts of misery and financial destitution. Either sort it out with your husband or get divorced and then you are free.
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I have the talent of single-minded determination and foc....hey, look, dog!
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GILL3SQ
member
Reged: 29/07/2008
Posts: 1621
Loc: Staffordshire
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Hi Spamella,
Obviously your name didn't help in us thinking you might not be for real. There have been some strange folk on here from time to time. However, if you are asking for help, we can at least try to give you some. You don't mention your age which may be helpful for advice given. That aside if you are feeling your sex drive outdoes that of your husband then you need to talk to him!! Relate would be very helpful but if you really don't want the marriage to work and wish to get involved with other men then Chilla is right - it can only lead to trouble.
Imagine how you would feel if you weren't satisfying your husband and he wanted to sleep with many other women???
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BettyRubble
member
Reged: 06/02/2008
Posts: 608
Loc: South west France
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What's a white-picket fencer ?
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ROW
member
Reged: 16/10/2009
Posts: 179
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Hello Spamella,Im new on this site too, and have found that the women who post here are warm,supportive and unfailingly non-judgemental.There is a genuine wish to help anyone who needs it...but you do get odd balls that take advantage of that for their own weird reasons, and that makes everyone cautious.Im going to assume you are for real, and if you like this forum,use it often so that the people on it can see that and get to know you.Now to your post.You are at a crossroads and you have to make a choice.I dont mean to sound patronising at all when I say that you havnt been married that long.Things change in every marriage and we have to meet those changes and work to resolve them...together.That is really the only question here....do you want to resolve them 'together'?If you do,you are the one in the relationship who feels that the spark has gone, and you must take the initial responsibility to start the process of getting that spark back.When you say you have talked to hubby and have tried...did you put every bit of your energy and inginuity into that trying?There are many ways to rekindle that spark,but it takes sustained committment to it and a truthful wish for it to succeed.You are having fantasies about other men,nothing wrong with that as long as they are inside your own head,however if it is more than just fantasy and you want to start acting them out, and do...that is another thing all together.You say your sex drive is through the roof, if you want to stay together,you need to find a way to redirect that back to your husband. My advice to you is that you need to make one hard choice..do you want to be married to your husband or not?If you do,you need to talk to your husband again,be honest about whats going on(keeping your fantasies about other men to yourself) and try to decide what you can do to make it better for the both of you.If you dont,have the courage and compassion to end it and get a divorce.Then you are free to do what you want without hurting your husband who doesnt deserve the betrayal and pain of an affair.One last thing, people often think the grass is always greener on the other side......remember,it doesnt always turn out that way if you decide to go there.Good luck to you.
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chilla
member
Reged: 05/09/2008
Posts: 6237
Loc: runcorn
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Quote:
What's a white-picket fencer ?
Someone who has the 'perfect' idealised middle class life - nice husband, nice kids, maybe a bit stepford wife, goes to the W.I. - comes from the American house ideal of having a white-picket fence round your house.
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I have the talent of single-minded determination and foc....hey, look, dog!
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cupcake
member
Reged: 15/02/2008
Posts: 6088
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Quote:
Quote:
What's a white-picket fencer ?
Someone who has the 'perfect' idealised middle class life - nice husband, nice kids, maybe a bit stepford wife, goes to the W.I. - comes from the American house ideal of having a white-picket fence round your house.
LOL Chilla! I have a black picket fence outside my house. 
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BettyRubble
member
Reged: 06/02/2008
Posts: 608
Loc: South west France
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Not me then !! 
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ROW
member
Reged: 16/10/2009
Posts: 179
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Cupcake...thanks, you gave me a belly laugh...loved your comeback about your black picket fence!!!! Still giggling about it now!
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chilla
member
Reged: 05/09/2008
Posts: 6237
Loc: runcorn
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
What's a white-picket fencer ?
Someone who has the 'perfect' idealised middle class life - nice husband, nice kids, maybe a bit stepford wife, goes to the W.I. - comes from the American house ideal of having a white-picket fence round your house.
LOL Chilla! I have a black picket fence outside my house.
Funny Cuppy I thought it would be scarlet  
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I have the talent of single-minded determination and foc....hey, look, dog!
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marie50
member
Reged: 07/07/2007
Posts: 952
Loc: cleckheaton west yorkshire
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If you've been married for 4 years and already want to stray then it's not fair on your husband to keep this to yourself. Instead of asking people on the forum for their advice (no-one on this forum will advise you to do what you are wanting to do) speak to your husband to try to sort out why you feel this way. I've been on the receiving end of a person like you and it was the worst experience of my life. You say you're not ready to quit, quit what ? Your marriage, or enjoying other men looking at you ? I think you're quite shallow, i'm sorry if that offends you but it's just my opinion.
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wispa
member
Reged: 16/01/2008
Posts: 3675
Loc: Suffolk,
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Yeah...I reckon I'm a white picket fencer, more or less. Just like a lot of other forummers.
And proud of it!
It takes a lot of hard word, sacrifice and commitment to be one.
..wispa
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Kezabel
member
Reged: 11/03/2009
Posts: 2626
Loc: Round the Bend
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Note to self - must get a white picket fence.
Kez x
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blossom97
member
Reged: 02/02/2008
Posts: 4579
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...Just looked out..I am definately of the reddish brown brick wall variety..what does that say about me?
Spamella, I think the concern is, apart from your name, that your first post is about sex, sometimes seems a bit iffy on this forum.
I you are genuine , I am sure some of the advice above will be useful.I am c**p at giving advice, so usually don't!!
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dbverycherry
member
Reged: 24/02/2007
Posts: 6513
Loc: Kent UK
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Hi to both newbies Spamella and Row and 
White picket fence lol  You lot made me  and in your remarks reguarding this.
Sounds more like a case of a slightly bored and may be desperate house wife to me ladies. 
I am sorry you felt jumped upon Spamella. The typed word can come across a bit harsh at times.
Still I to must addmit your choice of forum name didn't help me either and this being your first post it struck me as rather odd, personal and a slightly strange and heavy way to start off here and with no introduction as to who you are no wonder many of us are feeling a bit uneasy about you and of this rather sensitive subject and desire of yours
As Blossom so clearly puts it the s*x subject is normally not one to be so openly disussed on here and if it is it is often I guess done via pm (private messege) or put on a differnent type of forum site altogether and as others have suggested you try Spamella.
Spamella I do sincerely hope you resolve things with your husband and that you Spammy do not go down the other slippery and dangerous path you hinted at.
Hi Row Please try and leave a few gaps in your posts and typinng as my poor frazzelled head could hardly cope with the solid block of typing here and to read it with out going dizzy and slightly 
Sincerely from me Debbie who's up all hours and due to a chronically painful bad back in down Kent
Edited as I mucked up posting the pics the first time.
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dbverycherry
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ROW
member
Reged: 16/10/2009
Posts: 179
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Hi Debbie,thanks for your input...im new to all this and get a bit carried away!!! ...made me dizzy myself when I read it before I posted it!!
Sorry about your back.Had a chronicaly painful back too..pain clinic recommended a back brace, not one that straps up over your shoulders, the one that covers from your rib cage to the bottom of your lower back.(you can buy them on the internet and some large boots).
Wear it all day everyday for at least a week.It stabilises all the inflamed muscles and gives them a chance to sort themself out..totally and honestly worked for me,reduced the pain, and made each episode less and less frequent.Whenever I felt a twinge,I would put it on and it always sorted it out within a week.
Hope my spacing is beautiful!! Take care and get well soon. Rowena
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