mula
member
Reged: 02/02/2009
Posts: 5
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Has anyone any advice. My husband has a very low libido and no get up and go, doesn't make an effort with his appearance for me and worst of all won't talk about our problems. He won't argue either so I've got all these pent up emotions. He's 50. I'm 48. Am I expecting too much to have a bit of excitement, love and romance at our age. But there must be more to us that going food shopping and housework. We've two kids 17 and 14, they don't want us but we still have to be around. How can a marriage survive when the kids grow up and there's just this emptiness. Shall I give up altogether?
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Goingbackwards
member
Reged: 22/08/2008
Posts: 2594
Loc: Isle of Wight
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Hi Mula... sounds like you have both given up... and unless you talk and work things out together you might as well do.
Sorry if that sounds harsh, but its the way I see it. I was married for almost 42 years...my OH died 2 years ago... and I still loved him and miss him so much. Be glad you still have yours... get some communication going.
It takes 2... dont be resigned to the way things are, its nothing to do with the kids growing up... I do hope you havent centred your world round them and forgotten about OH ... it does happn.
Sorry if I am not saying what you want tp hear, but be glad you have a husband, even if he sounds as unhappy as you. Grab your lives back while you are still young.
xx
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carsma
member
Reged: 13/02/2009
Posts: 3155
Loc: Berks
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I agree with the above, I suppose I gave up and should've tried harder, that was the easy option, maybe I did I don't know, I thought I tried, blokes won't, but maybe I could've done more,
Still we have split now and it's not a happy lplace to be so try and do stuff together for you both, it just takes some thought sometimes, You have to find yourselves as a couple again,
Carsma x
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Tinkerbelle
member
Reged: 16/08/2008
Posts: 265
Loc: Garden of Eden
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Life is what you make it. Are you both in good health. Perhaps he is depressed. Has he a job that he likes doing. Try and do things as a family. How can you say that your children don't want you of course they do all children want to be loved. Perhaps you could go swimming all together, or go for long walks in the fresh air. There are a load of things you could join and do. How about finding a nice cake recipe and let the children help, even boys like to cook.
Don't give up as some of the other ladies have said at least you have your husband with you,
Could you go to councelling together.
Anyway I hope you can sort it out.
Good Luck and take care.
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Tinkerbelle
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mula
member
Reged: 02/02/2009
Posts: 5
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Thanks everyone for replying. What I meant about the kids not needing us is us that they are in their bedrooms most of the time doing teenage stuff and aren't so keen for family stuff any more, I do still love OH as I suppose it wouldn't upset me so much if I didn't. I know it's all down to communication but I suppose with all blokes they just don't open up. I will have another go and talk to him, You never know how you come across yourself do you and if he thinks I'm a miserable cow he's hardly over keen to be jolly himself.
He bought me an Ipod today so that might be his way of non verbal still luv ya babe,
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hatty
member
Reged: 05/11/2006
Posts: 276
Loc: Cambridgeshire
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I think it is so easy to slip into a rut where nothing seems to be exciting and the needs of each other are not being met.
I do think having teenagers in the house can be a passion killer and their are times when you forget to be a couple. They go to bed late and I find we have less space to enjoy ourselves. I want to go to sleep by 11pm and I don't think we use our time wisely and need to plan ahead more.
I know it sounds selfish but hard it as it will be I am looking forward to my second teenager going to university in 2010 as we will then have our time and space together.
So has anyone any suggestions how to plan time together. Have more spontaneity as I am sure there must be many couples how have these problems.
I welcome comments
Hatty
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