suziedee
member
Reged: 21/05/2009
Posts: 559
Loc: Cumbria
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1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right fore finger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to checks while holding pill in the right hand. As the cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to closr mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw away soggy pill.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left aarm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call partner in from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged between knees, hold front paws. Ignore growls emitted by cat. Get partner to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down fuler and rub cats throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set aside for glueing later.
8. Wrap cat in a large towel and get partner to lie on cat with just the cats head visible fom below the armpit. Put pill in end of straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.
9. Check label to make surepill not harmful to humans, drink a beer to take the taste away. Apply Band-aid to partner's forearm and remove blood from carpet with soap and water.
10. Get cat from top of neighbours shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door on its neck, so as to leave the head showing. Force mouth open with dessertspoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check date of last tetanus shot. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw t-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Ring fire brigade to get the ****ing cat down from the tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashes into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little bugger's front paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dinning table. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by a large piece of rae fish. Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat's throat,
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get partner to drive you to casualty. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order a new table.
15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect themutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to order a hamster.
HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL
1. Wrap it in bacon.
Suziedee
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Lillie
member
Reged: 04/06/2008
Posts: 4791
Loc: Sandhurst, Berkshire
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Oh Suzie this is the FUNNIEST thing I have ever read - absolutely brilliant !!!! lol
I have three monkeys myself (I mean cats lol) and it is quite tricky I agree ...
Sue x
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donna1501
member
Reged: 29/06/2009
Posts: 18
Loc: Norwich, Norfolk, UK
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and so very very true 
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jelliclecat
member
Reged: 31/01/2009
Posts: 441
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I love this, too - my friend sent it to me a couple of years ago. I think she got it on the internet somewhere?
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