gre1958
member
Reged: 15/08/2008
Posts: 1086
Loc: Staffordshire
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Hi
well 2 weeks and counting WELL DONE !!!!!! you will get through this - maybe not get your apology ever ... but one day I promise she will see what she put you through , believe me they do in the end .. good girl and hang on in there !!! It must be reassuring reading all the other posts - I am through it now but can relate to each and every one - so light at end of tunnel be strong XX
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bookmad53
member
Reged: 29/01/2009
Posts: 43
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Hi
I think what you are doing is very brave, and definitely the best thing, know it must be hard though for you. Everything the other ladies have said is right.
I feel all my moans about my boys not necessary in comparison. I often feel they have had it easy, but I've been tough in other ways.
They are 23 and 19, both at home. YS due to go to Uni in Sept: yippee!! ES no problem as works, doesn't go out much, both fairly loners, so I worry the other way that they don't get out much. Though ES now planning to leave job and go travelling Oz(that's another story). YS had gap year, couldn't get work, so for months lay around, stayed up late, got up late, hardly went out, then went on Conservation volunteering to Africa for 2 months, which he paid for with life savings and money earned last summer (we paid airfare) -loved it and met lots of friends. Since back has asked if he could do his own washing!! So it's piling up on the floor in bedroom-when he's done it he will learn how to iron! Tonight he cooked our dinner (I made him)recipe from his student nosh book ready for Uni. Tomorrow YS is helping Grandad clear his loft and help in the garden. He's no saint, this is done with a lot of eyerolling, and will mean he has to get out of bed!! but he will do it because we don't give him option. ES doesn't do much in house as works, but at weekends will do a job, and empties dishwasher etc: He also irons own shirts as he wears one a day. Both boys have PAYGo phones, which they bought themselves at the age of 14 - quite late nowadays I gather. We only really ever bought them presents at xmas and birthdays, not rigidly, but wanted them to realise the value of money. They are, on balance, great lads, and although YS drives me mad, I realise he is not bad - and they would never swear at us, as when they did try it when they were younger they soon regretted it! One friend of mine thinks I am mean to make ES do his own shirts!! Another makes her children do much more.Another at work makes her 13year old do all his own ironing, which I think is a bit much!! However everyone is different. The main thing is to do what works. But above all they need nowadays to learn to respect parents and other people, and that is where I think the problem lies now with children and older ones. I don't want to sound priggish, because mine would be just the same if we let them.
But you are doing the right thing for your situation at the moment, and I hope it does the trick, stick to your guns.
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charlotte19
member
Reged: 15/07/2009
Posts: 1
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Hi, I'm another new comer to the Forum. Looked it up last night at 4am whilst waiting for my 17 yr old son to make contact. His behaviour of late has been all of the above. I am also divorced and last november his father dumped all his stuff outside my house and washed his hands of him. Since then my 15yr old daughter has gone to live with her dad as she couldn't stand the atmosphere in my house. He has fallen out with my boyfriend and last night drove me into such a rage I asked to go out of the house to cool off somewhere. That was about 7pm. I have not heard from him since. Reading all the above posts also made me cry. I do of course love him to bits, but realise I have to hold my ground. He left without a key or clothes and has very little money and no credit on his phone.I am trying very hard not to ring him. I feel ashamed that it has come to this - I have not told anyone else yet. To make things worse, it is his 18th birthday in a couple of weeks and I was hoping to make it special for him - now I don't know what to expect when he eventually comes home.
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Lemony
member
Reged: 12/07/2009
Posts: 2
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Charlotte, I really feel for you with the difficulties you are having with your son. I am sure he will be back once he cools down, and is probably sleeping on a friend's floor in the meantime. Please do not feel ashamed, I think that the majority of families go through some rough times during teenagehood. We all just have to try our best to get through them and hope that the relationships improve in time - which I am sure most do.
To deal with my own daughter, I am trying not to comment on the mess, or react to any of the backchat. We have had some terrible arguments in the past, thank goodness we are in a detached house, otherwise someone would surely have called out social services because of all the screaming. She will be at home for about another 6 weeks, and I would like to keep the peace until then. However, rising above it all does take some doing, and I have to firmly bite my tongue! I just don't want the last few weeks of us being together to be marked by rows, so this seems the only option. So far, so good. She did tidy her room a lot, but I am now not going in there again until she moves out - what I don't know won't upset me.
I hope your son returns soon and that you can work things out with him.
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