rosettastone
member
Reged: 11/03/2008
Posts: 787
Loc: Kent/Surrey borders
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Following on from post about younger mums..when is the best time to have a baby? The medical world seem now to think it should be before 35 before fertility drops off. But of course circumstances may not be right etc.
I'm hardly one to judge here as I don't have any for various reasons ...just getting some views from all you ladies...
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carpe diem - seize the day!
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SPANGLE
member
Reged: 25/01/2008
Posts: 455
Loc: Lichfield, Staffordshire
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Hello Rosetta,I don't really think that there can be such a thing as a pre-determined or "best" time.It all depends when the time agenda is right for you, and when you meet the right person who is happy to settle down and have children with you too.I married at 30 (following an earlier broken engagement in my twenties) and was keen to get on with it and have children straight away - by the time I was 32,I'd had a boy and a girl and felt (and still do) truly happy with my lot! Spangle 
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Olisa
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Reged: 26/02/2009
Posts: 472
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Hi rosettastone - I had my babies in my early twenties and loved ever minute of being a Mum when I was young healthy and had plenty of energy. But now that I am a lot older I sometimes wish that OH and I had had a bit more fun together a few more carefree years. But the other advatage of being a young Mum is that we became grandparents while we were still young enough to enjoy young children and to do things with them. So I suppose my answer would be that there probably isn't and ideal time just enjoy it when it happens.
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JulieJ
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Reged: 29/12/2008
Posts: 505
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It's up to the individual, but I would say that a general 'ideal time' is in the years between 30-35.
You are old enough to have enjoyed your youth (!), but not too old for fertility issues to be raising their dismaying head.
Hopefully you have a 'settled relationship' with your partner by then, and both of you have earned enough to put by some for the expenses of child-rearing.
On a personal level you are probably quite mature at that age (relatively speaking!) and have enough patience and diligence for the ardours of child-raising not to be too onerous (ie, you don't want to be off clubbing every night!)
Finally, in your early thirties you're still pretty near your peak of fitness, so should be nice and strong for labour and child-raising!
One thing I would definitely say, that I have learnt from my own tragic experience. I was an 'older mum' in that like many of my generation (70s) we were told that we could have babies 'on demand' when it suited our careers. Well, I didn't start trying till 35, and assumed blissfully I'd get pregnant straight away. Four years later.....
So, it happened at last (expensively - and a LOT of heartache and fear it wouldn't), and all seemed set for a happy ending.
BUT, l5 years later, with our son still at secondary school, my husband was diagnosed with late-stage cancer in his fifties.
My son is now fatherless.
I say this to warn you that all the 'pros' of being an older parent - and there are quite a lot, mainly that of more patience, more readiness to give up 'youf-lifestyles', more income, etc etc - are wiped out by what I now realise is the very real threat of severe illness and worse, which I have to say I arrogantly discounted (along with my biological clock!).
Putting it bluntly, had we started a family earlier, our son would have reached adulthood before losing his dad, and that would have caused him a lot less pain.
Well, that's my input on this subject, FWIW!
Julie.
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dbverycherry
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Reged: 24/02/2007
Posts: 6471
Loc: Kent UK
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I feel it is down to each person and as to when it suits you and your life.
There can never be a best time to have a kid and considering the costs!
For me personally the time we tried and it happened was when is was meant to be and God's will.
Like Olisa I had my two in my early 20s and so did my sister ,two and before turning 26.
My dear sister is now a grandma and her daughter was 23 when she had her daughter last year.
 
Surely it must be down one to being fit, healthy and able.
Plus there's the considering of one's body clock. No more for me I hope but as OH hasn't had the snip  and as I still have the monthly I can never say no.
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dbverycherry
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ChrissiFi
member
Reged: 28/06/2006
Posts: 2538
Loc: Somerset
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I have one friend in her 40s with a young baby, another whose grandchildren have started school. Medically 20s are better than 30 plus or teens but it's individual choice. These days when you can cope financially seems to be as big an issue for some people as age.
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Chelsea
member
Reged: 06/02/2008
Posts: 1308
Loc: Essex
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Agree with Chrissi - I would hate to have a baby and then find I could not afford to feed, shelter or clothe it properly regardless of age.
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Chelsea x
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kate1
member
Reged: 18/08/2008
Posts: 6536
Loc: Leicestershire
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I remember reading years ago that the only right time to have a baby is when you'Can't not'.
Think that's great.Everyone is different regarding the overwhelming desire to have a baby.
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Wendeth
member
Reged: 02/07/2009
Posts: 4
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I agree with Kate1 - it's when the overriding urge takes over. I've been trying for nearly 8 yrs for my 2nd, i'm now 44, and preg with twins.
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Scarlets
member
Reged: 01/04/2007
Posts: 1851
Loc: Just across the pond
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I had my first baby when I was 20. Bit of a shock at first but I soon got used to it. Because there was eight years between my sister and myself I was determined to have just two years between mine in the hope that they would be ' friends' .
By the age of 22 had a son and daughter. Yes it was hard work, but we really enjoyed them. They kept us young. It meant giving up work because we had moved quite a way from my family. Not many evenings out if you dont have family close by.
When they were growing up we were their friends as well as their parents. If they went out down the pub on a Sunday lunch time, we went with them. It was great.
Now that we have grandchildren we still feel young enough to go out for a meal with them and their partners.
We really enjoy them. Such nice kids.
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Jualla
member
Reged: 01/08/2009
Posts: 2
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I'm 35 and honestly thought that I would've been settled down with a lovely husband and family by now (30 infact was my desired age), but things don't always work out the way you would like or think they should.
I'm still hopeful that it will happen one day but I am very conscious of my age and dwindling fertility and it is never far from my thoughts. I think I was born to me a mum and I hope I get the chance to prove one day that I can be a good one!
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