alisonmpg
member
Reged: 19/05/2009
Posts: 31
|
|
Hi - thought I'd posted this yesterday but brain cells are obviously not functioning 100%! Wondering if anyone out there has experienced what I believe is referred to as "commitment phobia" from their partner whilst in what they perceived as a strong, loving relationship? If you read my first post on 19 May headed Relationship Shock, you'll have an idea of why I am asking the question. It would help me to know if others feel the same way as, sadly, I'm still in total shock and need to understand why it's happened. Thanks for listening!
|
GILL3SQ
member
Reged: 29/07/2008
Posts: 1605
Loc: Staffordshire
|
|
Hi alison,
Have read both of your posts. So are you assuming that your "partner" thought you wanted commitment? such as marriage? I know commitment phobia is quite a good get out clause for many people but if you weren't asking for this, why did he think you were. If you just wanted your relationship to go on as it had done, perhaps you should explain this and keep things low key to see if the relationship comes back. If not, then obviously you will just have to accept that it had run its course from his side, if not from yours. It is sad but take a break from all the questions you are probably asking yourself and think what you really want for yourself and daughter.
Sorry can't be of more help.
G
|
issi
member
Reged: 30/09/2007
Posts: 3746
Loc: London
|
|
Has your partner ceased all contact with you? If not, then you may find out from him, later, why this happened. I replied on your earlier thread by saying that 4 years is around the time that relationships stall and I think it is relevant. With 50 miles between you it is much easier for him to take a step back when he feels the need than if he were living with you. It may help you to read a self-help book. I recommend "Staying Sane" by Raj Persaud. His knowledge on personal relationships is really interesting and there is a lot of good advice there. Once you understand the process you are going through you can keep moving ahead. Please don't lock yourself in the grief - you can find the strength.
|
alisonmpg
member
Reged: 19/05/2009
Posts: 31
|
|
Hello Issi and thanks for following this through. A lot of what you say about the 4 year situation seems true, so wise words indeed. Partner is not in contact - I sent a brief text with a genuine question regarding a shared "paperwork" issue about a week ago (also emailed same question) but no response.
It feels as if he's denying my existence which, after such a close relationship these past 4 years, is very hard to accept.
I simply can't see it all being an act - nobody could be that convincing over the time period, surely?
It's difficult to go into detail here but I did get to see beyond the professional, capable front and find the slightly vulnerable individual. Maybe that's what he is running from (when I'm equally sure we were nearing the top of our "happiness" scale) if the emotional commitment is too much to handle. I know, I'm still looking for answers 
I was the one who held back, grew to love and trust and eventually let the barriers down. He seemed certain it would work from early days and has seen bad times through with me, loved so deeply and hit the peak but now just walked away. The door is definitely closed and I just don't understand why.
Will check out Raj Persaud's book (remember him appearing on breakfast TV a long time ago) and thanks again for "listening" to me offload.
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
