georgiegirl
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Reged: 28/04/2009
Posts: 53
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I am curious are there others out there like me? I feel I am odd from most people! Everyone I speak to seems to have people to turn to in their lives. I am married but I feel that outside our front door, there is just no-one at all who cares about us. No matter how caring and sharing we are, we have found, (when needed) so-called friends are in fact just very selfish and couldn’t care a less. I listen to people chat at work or on the bus etc., and they are always talking about a family member or good neighbours’ and friends. Because of being hurt so much, I am becoming skeptical of even trying to meet new people anymore. We are pleasant; we smile at people and are genuine and interested in what others have to say. I would just like to see/feel someone was just a little interested in us for a change. Are there others, who like us, don’t have anyone outside their front door, or is it really just us? Are we destined to meet the shallow of this world? Help tell me we are not alone!!!
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jessica
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Reged: 01/02/2007
Posts: 621
Loc: North Wiltshire
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No georgiegirl your not alone. Peoples attitude is 'Its not my problem' Others, I find are too busy trying to hold body, sole and home together that they havent anything left over to help others and when YOU find time to help someone it never seems to be returned, so the keep myself to myself attitude exculates.
I find that people are more interested in daft programmes watching the soles of peoples ugly feet than being aware that an ambulance had pulled up next door. In my opinion its the me,me, me attitude.
Hopefully this present climate, with luck, may turn things around.
Youve only to look at the MP to show what a greedy way of life some are leading
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annemari
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Reged: 07/03/2008
Posts: 3102
Loc: Gloucestershire.
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Georgiegirl, you are far from being alone, as my OH and I come into the same category.
Like you, we take an interest in people, and those in need, we help if we are able to, but unfortuantely this is not reciprocated.
This was never more true than when a couple of years ago, OH became very ill and unable to work, (we are both self-employed and running our own business together, OH is the hands on, while I do the paperwork) Are you picking up the scenario? No hands on means no paperwork.
At one time OH's son used to work for and with us,but decided after a lot of expensive training, it wasn't for him,so he left. We did think however, that in this instance he would offer to lend a hand,but "No" not a chance.We didn't see him for dust. Consequently, we were very much on our own, nor, did he visit or did any other relatives.
Recently, S's marriage fell apart, and who did he come to first?? that's right his Dad, and between us we offered to help him out financially to put a deposit on a flat that he wanted to rent. Since then he has been conspicuious by his abscence, except to bawl down the phone at both of us because he didn't agree with his Nanny going into care. Truth be told, he could see his 'inheritance' being swallowed up in Care Home Fees.
OH and me between us have 8 close blood relatives,of adult age, 4 of whom have never visited us,despite living only 17 miles away. 2 only visit when they want money, and the other 2 do visit on a social scale as and when they can, only to kick us in the teeth a short while later by boasting of this that and the other.
OH and me have now decided that we are better off on our own. Life is less hassle.
So, chin up georgiegirl, you are not alone, and for a start you have us all here, who although may not see you, are more than willing to be friendly and supportive.
Best Wishes to you and your OH.
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Annemari xx
 The Three Musketeers were together again at Cardiff. Summer, ChattyCathy and my 'Mum' Auntie Annemari"
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rosettastone
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Reged: 11/03/2008
Posts: 794
Loc: Kent/Surrey borders
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Hi
I think some people are just very selfish and don't realise the hurt involved. My MIL never asks my OH how he is , has never shown any interest in him or us as a couple , pours scorn on our relationship to us and anyone she meets.
Some people are quick to take advantage of others as well. There are some genuine people out there , sometimes its hard to find them.
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carpe diem - seize the day!
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Thimble
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Reged: 04/12/2008
Posts: 4322
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This definitely hit home. We are exactly the same. In the last 18 months we have had the sum total of one relative visiting!!! She only comes when she visits her mum who is in a nursing home here. And then only if the other relative she visits is not going to be at home. She has been 3 times so far. No friends have visited. My sons one friend in Grantham has visited him every 8-10 weeks and his best friend has been about 3 times.
Like all you other ladies we go out of our way to be helpful, caring, considerate and thoughtful. So why can people not reciprocate.
We too keep ourselves to ourselves now. I have made friends with some ladies on the forum here but others that I started to be friends with have stopped keeping in touch now.
The world use to be a far more friendlier place where everyone was willing to help their fellow neighbours. We say hello to our neighbours and pass time of day if out gardening but that is it.
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JulieJ
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Reged: 29/12/2008
Posts: 552
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"So why can people not reciprocate"
Give them one chance to reciprocate - two at a stretch, then draw a line and never EVER do them a favour again. If they are relatives, even more so! Annemari's stepson sounds a nightmare, and unless there's some 'dark reason' for it (eg, suppose Annemari was the one who broke up his parent's marriage)(many apologies if that's totally untrue! ) then there is no excuse for his behaviour. But a lot of children are selfish anyway.
I have a theory that selfish parents have unselfish children (because they've trained them to run around after them!) and unselfish parents have selfish children (because they've spent their lives pandering to them!).
As to the overall picture, in respect of friends and acquaintences, I have found great help and friendship amongst other mums at my son's schools - a good few of us 'got together' at primary school, with coffee mornings and so on, and for the most part everyone is kind and helpful, and it's mutually reciporcated. There are a couple who are 'users' but we have wised up to them now, and usually they don't get us to run around after them any more.
Julie.
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ChrissiFi
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Reged: 28/06/2006
Posts: 2621
Loc: Somerset
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There are givers and takers. OH has said many times that we are always the ones who say yes if anyone asks for help but if we need help everyone else is 'busy'. You're far from alone. We have a couple of close friends who we see regularly (usually we visit them because their work means they can't get away easily) but rarely get visitors. I think one of the reasons many of us are here is because we get the support we don't get elsewhere.
As Annemari said we all have each other here.
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JulieJ
member
Reged: 29/12/2008
Posts: 552
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I was thinking - I wonder if online groups are very supportive not because we are all wonderful people (though of course this is true...  ), but because it's not only relatively 'easy' to be supportive - ie, doesn't take long to write a cheering or reassuring message - but also because it's 'safe' for want of a better word.
What I mean by that is that because we are all online, and I would say that most of us - outside supper clubs etc - don't actually know each other in the real world, we know that if we want, we can just 'drop out' again, and not go on being helpful etc. Whereas in the real world, perhaps people feel that if they help a neighbour/friend once, they will always be called on to help??
I think Chrissi's point about 'always saying yes' is interesting. Sounds like it's time to say 'sorry we're busy' the next time one of the 'busy' ones ask you for help. Maybe some people genuinely think that you are the kind of people who have plenty of time on their hands, so it's not a problem for you to help, but of course for them it would be a problem as they are so, so, busy. Some people are extraordinarily insensitive.
I think some people also have a feeling that 'oh, they have it easy!' - I know a divorced mum (A) who has another divorced mum friend (B), but because the A works, and B is stay at home, A think B has an easy life so why shouldn't she pick up A's kids etc etc. What A doesn't seem to take on board is that B has deliberately chosen not to work so she can be at home for her children, and she didn't give up her work (and her salary!) to be a free taxi driver to A who has, thank you very much, got her job and the salary that goes with it. But you can see that A doesn't think that way!
Julie
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suejane
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Reged: 04/10/2008
Posts: 453
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Certainly after many years of abuse from previous husbands and in the community i lived in, i lost trust in people. Now, living in a different place, with a kind husband who can also be very much into himself,i am begiinning to look after myself more.I have found so much support from the ladies on these forums but also i have been encouraged that most people are ok.I have no family and rarely hear anything from Husbands family, they dont like my son being here, yet i am a giving person. You learn in the end who to give too and who to hold back from! Yet human beings can show wonderful qualiies as well as truly selfish behaviour.I am very much keeping to myself but aware that good things can happen.
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Thimble
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Reged: 04/12/2008
Posts: 4322
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Juliej.............I agree with you about "on line forums" and giving support. We can let our caring natures come out in force by offering support, advice, virtual hugs and comfort to those who need it without the problem that it will not be reciprocated.
We all know that if we are suffering, just need some comfort or advice that there are loads of ladies here only ready and willing to give it. We might give our all today to lady A because she really needs it and then tomorrow it might be the turn of, say, Lady D. But we know that when it is our turn for the comfort and support we will get it. BUT it may not come from either Lady A or Lady D who might be on holiday, off doing something or just "hiding away" as they are not having a good day.
So this is where this forum comes into is own for me. It takes the problem of "well I gave her support why can't she support me now" away.
Hope this makes sense.....................
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issi
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Reged: 30/09/2007
Posts: 3746
Loc: London
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Thought for the day: Think how you want people to be, then be like that yourself.
It is all to easy to lose faith in people and become cynical, but it is not the answer. I try to treat everyone the same - some people are great, some are awful and at times in my life I have been both. I find it is much easier not to expect too much then I am rarely disappointed.
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georgiegirl
member
Reged: 28/04/2009
Posts: 53
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Interesting to read replies. Over the years we have seen friends change. Everything appears fine when things are going ok but I noticed once I had some problems and health issues to contend with these friends showed their true colours. I think because I am just so much the opposite of this that it affects me so badly. I would only have had to have a whiff of someone in need or such like and I wouldn’t be able to do enough for them.
Oh well, at least I do know from being on here that there are some ‘thinkers’ around,
Issi it was a bit frustrating reading your Thought for the day: Think how you want people to be, then be like that yourself.
Our philosophy has always been ‘treat people the way you like to be treat’ We do have a really thoughtful son but I often feel he, like us, is always considering others, do our type then just get used and/or taken for granted?
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issi
member
Reged: 30/09/2007
Posts: 3746
Loc: London
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Point taken Georgiegirl. I just read that quote in the Daily Mail today and took it to heart. To be truthful, I find that some people are so thoughtless there is nothing you can do and being the soft one with them just makes them worse. Keep the faith though; there are lots of good people out there which you have yet to meet.
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JulieJ
member
Reged: 29/12/2008
Posts: 552
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Yes, I think it's a question of 'Do as you would be done by' and then 'Do as you've been done by'!
ie, be nice first, and if it's not reciprocated, ignore them. Don't be a doormat.
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Bizibee
member
Reged: 25/03/2009
Posts: 613
Loc: North Wales
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I have to agree with most of what has been said by all you lovely ladies. I am a compassionate person and more often than not in life I have received a few hard knocks from people. My OH says that I shouldn't expect everyone else to have the same principles and ideals as I have. He said that I shouldn't ever expect too much from anyone and then I won't keep getting disappointed by people's actions (or non-actions) I guess he's right in a way. In the past few years I done a lot of pruning of friends that have let me down.
I remember what Joan Collins once said, she said, 'In life you have people around you that are either drains or radiators. When you get to a certain age you have to be kind to yourself and get rid of the drains and keep the radiators' I have done this and feel now that I am surrounded by radiators, both family and friends.
Drains can really get you down by their sheer negativity and I am too old now to put up with second or third degree friendships.
I am far happier and content than I have been in years - however, I have to say it wasn't easy. I didn't actually 'have words' with any of my friends, I just sort of back pedalled and didn't return 'phone calls, emails etc. It was hard but now it's done and I now can give 100% to all my radiators!
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aec13cat
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Reged: 08/01/2009
Posts: 3098
Loc: N. Ireland
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I think it is now that people have such busy lives and things going on they are so involved in their own lives and don't realise they are ignoring other people. I think sometimes this is not done on purpose just they really don't think. I have to put my hands up to this myself as over last few months haven't been there for friends and actually forgot a birthday but all down to so many things going on but it is no excuse and I feel so bad about it. Don't give up everyone on being your lovely helpful selves.
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Foxie
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Reged: 09/08/2007
Posts: 8004
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I agree that people are just so busy and preoccupied especially nowadays when life is so uncertain. People are tired and perhaps not keen to get involved in case they have to give more in time, patience, money etc. than they feel they can afford. Lots of people I know say they are peddling faster and faster just to stay in the same place.
aec13cat - I forgot someone's birthday last month too. This is so unlike me too.
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I've learnt that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou.
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MrsBucket
member
Reged: 29/09/2007
Posts: 475
Loc: Kent
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I would like to add another thought to the discussions here...I hope I won't offend anybody as that is not my intention but I speak from my own experience in the past.
People who are always there for other people can appear to be very efficent, self contained and capable. This can be percieved as not needing other people and as a result friends and/or family may feel that they can cope with anything resulting in them not offering to help as they may percieve that they are unable to match up or would not want to offend by offering help..
This was my experience in the past and I know that I found it difficult to accept help and always needed to be in control. I was always inviting people for meals etc but never received any invitations back because as I later found out they felt they couldn't live up to what I had produced. (I'm not saying I was that good just that I could not let anyone see anything less than perfect).
I was discussing this issue with my mother and she has never had anyone to look out for her (either parents or OH) and had to rely on herself...now she is getting older and finding things hard even family don't offer to help her as they don;t want to offend her by impying she can't manage.
I hope you can understand the gyst of what I am trying to say, as I said another perspective to think about.
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cecilia55
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Reged: 29/02/2008
Posts: 327
Loc: South London
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I try to treat people the way I'd like to be treated and often feel that I am taken for granted and in danger of becoming a doormat!
My OH has the same attitude and I'm happy to say my son has too. There are caring people in the world but I also feel that some do not have the sensitivity to realise how uncaring they seem to others.
I have felt guilty these last few days as I haven't had enough time to come online and hope that forum friends don't think I've forgotten them. 
My life is totally mad as we work at home and in school and don't have many hours to socialise, but if a friend needed me I'd help and do whatever I could, make a meal/ go shopping for them/ look after a child/give them a bed for the night and would offer a shoulder to cry on or discuss a problem if need be.
Is my halo glowing???????
I'm not really blowing my own trumpet, just thinking aloud!!
Cecilia
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Goingbackwards
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Reged: 22/08/2008
Posts: 2650
Loc: Isle of Wight
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Mrs Buckett - you are so right ! I have alays been there for so many people - but not many people have been there for me, not the old friends that I have helped for many years.
It is true that because you are strong they perceive you as not needing their support etc.
Since my OH died I can honestly say that I have had more support from newish friends plus one very good friend who lost her partner soon after me - we have been each others major players.
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JulieJ
member
Reged: 29/12/2008
Posts: 552
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Yes, I think Mrs B has said something that can definitely be true in some circumstances. It's as if other people feel that to offer the Mrs B's of the world any help is almost insulting! But I guess it's still agood idea to say something like 'I always admire you for being so capable, but please do let me know if there is anything I can do to return some of the help you have always been so kindly and capably willing to offer me'.
But her words ring true for me personally in one sense. I find it very hard to invite people to my home for meals - I'm not a good cook, and not very good at hospitality, whereas my friends are brilliant at both! So I tend to think I'm 'unworthy' of offering hospitality etc. So what I do instead is pay for a meal out from time to time instead - at least I think they'll have had good food!
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Olisa
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Reged: 26/02/2009
Posts: 472
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Having read all your posts I think Mrs Bucket (hi Mrs B I met you in Broadstairs when you were still Marge) is right. Some of us do give off an aura of being so strong and competent that others never actually think we need anything in return for the help and consideration that we have given. If only they realised that under that tough exterior is someone who would like a bit of cossetting from time to time.
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chilla
member
Reged: 05/09/2008
Posts: 6190
Loc: runcorn
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Personally i don't think the world is inhabited by shallow people.
I haave no family, so I can't comment on that perspective, but i am blessed by exceptional friends.
Possibly because I have no family, I invest a lot of time and effort in those friends. Some are more casual than others - when you first meet, you never know where they will go. Sometimes friends are for an evening out. Others are there when you need them. I'm one of those who doesn't need much support - I'm going through something at the moment which I can't talk about and of the couple of people I have told, they've both siad they'd be totaly wiped out, so obviously I just have the deal with things gene!  . But on the one occasion when I did need help, Mr C's mad few months with the Trollope, I found a real core of around 7 friends that went way beyond the call of duty in their emotional and practical support. It took, IMO, years to build up those friendships to that level.
It's very difficult to know how you are to other people and I hope that I can be as good for them as they were for me if they need help.
That doesn't really answer your question, beyond the fact that I seem to disagree that the world is populated by shallow people. Maybe it's a bit like waiting for Mr Right and you keep having to kiss frogs first. Persevere until you find the right people.
That
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I have the talent of single-minded determination and foc....hey, look, dog!
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PLASMO
member
Reged: 13/03/2008
Posts: 13020
Loc: FLOUNCELAND
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Hi Everyone,
I have read all the theads above, and from them, have come up with this.
In life there has always got to be give and take, there has always got to be compromise, and there has always got to be understanding.
Behind close doors, no one really knows what goes on behind them, some people are extremely lonely, sad, dont have a lot of friends, and for that matter dont even have families to call upon.
I think also as you get older, most areas these days are full of young families, where the parents both go out to work, so there doesnt seem to be any of the chatting over a fence, come and have a cuppa talk, that used to be prevalent years ago.
I have lived here for twelve years, coming from a very busy, social, environment, to basically a dead end. I still dont know many people in the vicinity of my house, years ago, I put flyers through 26 doors inviting people to the house for a cheese and wine party, two couples accepted, and from that day to this, havent seen them again.
We live our lives now in such a way, that most people are so tired at the end of the day, the thought of socialising with neighbours etc, is the last thing on their minds.
I try to be kind and helpful to anyone I may come into contact with that require my help, but I could count on one hand the people that I could call upon.
It is unfortunately, just the way it is.
Plasmo x
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suejane
member
Reged: 04/10/2008
Posts: 453
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Hi Cecillia 55. I like your halo and its certainly glowing ! Its nice to know you are there with your busy life and lots of music. Son is really having a good sulk tonight, his cricket match came unstuck! I have found so many supportive ladies on this forum and this restores much of the faith!
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cecilia55
member
Reged: 29/02/2008
Posts: 327
Loc: South London
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Hi Suejane, I'm blushing now, but am pleased to get a reply as my comments crossed with MrsBuckets'
Our parents were people who had an open door to anyone in need and one day a 'lady' came to our door asking for shelter as it was raining and then later for money,because she needed some to catch a bus home!!
Bare in mind that we lived in a fairly smart residential area in Hampshire, not near a big town, so I suppose she could have been genuine.
Dad and Mum had a chat with her and gave her a cup of tea and as far as I remember she wasn't a Tramp or a Bag Lady and looked quite respectable. Her name was, she said, Audrey Waterfall!! Even at the age of 10 or so I thought she was having us on. Anyway I can't recall what happened but like as not my Dad would have given her some money and even a bed for the night, sadly neither of my parents are here to tell the end of the story properly.
My Dad and Mum were very friendly and Mum was an extremely generous person who would like nothing bettter than a good gossip with a cup of tea.
Here's one for us.
Cecilia xx
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rjaly
member
Reged: 09/02/2007
Posts: 172
Loc: Leicestershire
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Wow! This has really struck a chord with a lot of people, me included.
So, it leads me to wonder what the other people that forumers consider 'takers' and who have been referred to several times above would think about us. Is it a question of perspective a lot of the time?
If I am really honest I can think of some people who I have'taken' from for support, but equally I know that I too have supported many others as well. Food for thought?
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MrsBucket
member
Reged: 29/09/2007
Posts: 475
Loc: Kent
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Cecilia, your story reminds me of one my OH tells about his family. His dad was a salesman and one day picked up a tramp or 'gentleman of the road'. He brought him home and this man lived with the family for quite some time -months if not years. Then one day he upped and left as the road called to him. The family kept in touch with him and to their delight he settled in a house and married and they remained in touch until he died.
OH father had the opinion that if he had done good to someone what that person did with it was up to them but his conscience was clear.
My philopecy tends to be that what goes round comes round...so how I treat people will come back to me at some stage.
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jewelly
member
Reged: 05/06/2009
Posts: 7
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Hello everyone
I'm new to this but felt I had to say that I agree with what you are saying as it is a very selfish world we live in and no one seems to be bothered or interested in anyone else. I'm so glad it's not just me who feels like this.
There are a few of us left who are trying our best to be kind, interested and friendly to others so don't give up!
Lv Jewellyxx
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chilla
member
Reged: 05/09/2008
Posts: 6190
Loc: runcorn
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Hi Jewelly
Nice to see your post.
Why not go and introduce yourself on the main forum, you'll get a warm welcome.
Chilla x
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I have the talent of single-minded determination and foc....hey, look, dog!
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Scarlets
member
Reged: 01/04/2007
Posts: 1889
Loc: Just across the pond
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I feel like this about family and I really am rather jealous of people who have family nearby.
We chose to move away from them - both married with children. I so regret it some days.
If I try to explain to my friends or even other members of the family they think I am mad.
I often wonder what would it be like if something happened to my OH. Would the kids rally round. I wonder. Or would they just call whenever they think Nana NEEDS a visit.
If they had a problem - and they have, where would they go first I wonder.
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jewelly
member
Reged: 05/06/2009
Posts: 7
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Hi Chilla
Thanks for your welcome
Jewelly x
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xxxSummerxxx
member
Reged: 29/03/2008
Posts: 10528
Loc: Billericay,Essex
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I really need to think about this although what i will say is that i seem to meet people who are so wrapped up in themselves ,its all me me me,they know little about me then are suprised when i mention for example I have a older Sister etc etc.
You meet up and for the first hour "they" talk about themselves when they know you have "stuff" going on. Its the same the next time you meet...
Since joining this Forum i feel it is changing slowly...You know that pm that say Hi,how are you etc?
I had so many pms and Texts re my Jobas i thought i would be made Redundant and my friend whos going through dificulties that i really didnt feel alone.
LOng may this Forum go on,its certainly changed my life , thank you !!
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Chatelaine
member
Reged: 23/08/2007
Posts: 4176
Loc: A village somewhere on the Con...
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Georgiegirl, when my H was still alive our home was always open to everyone, and I was the hostess..... cooking, entertaining, making my Hs family and friends welcome. When my H died, within months everyone had abandoned the too young looking widow, and wives quickly yanked their Hs away from me..... I was on my own.
I've been through a lot in my life since then. Following on from some bad experiences over the last few years, with amongst others an "energy vampire" (someone whom I once considered a very dear friend before he turned into a drain, an E.V.......!!), plus some bereavements early this year, I have changed abruptly the last few months.
I have no family. I only have my pets. I have no friends where I live now, and no social life. I am friendly with some people whom I met through art classes, but have no hopes of friendship. If I don't have hopes or expectations, then I will not have disappointments either. Do I mind? For starters I cannot change a thing about it...... I am over here, an alien, a foreigner in a "strange area".
Thankfully I have always been a bit of a reclusive, so I could adapt easily. I love my home.... my garden.... my pets. I have lots of interests and I keep very busy. I close my front door, and keep myself to myself.
Georgiegirl, I have just accepted the situation. Of course it would be wonderful if things were different. But society has changed...... all over hte world...... And I have decided that if I want peace and quiet in my life and existence, then I need to keep my door closed, and keep myself to myself. I;ve had enough hassle, and pain.
The forums I am on, and some of my UK, etc friends keep me "sane" and in contact with other humans.
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suejane
member
Reged: 04/10/2008
Posts: 453
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Chatelaine i wonder where you are? I have a very ancient European ancestry, although i live in Wales, i have felt very much at home in France or Switzerland when i am able to visit.I would always be happy to chat to you. Im very shy and this forum has helped me so much to be a bit more assertive. But although i am remarried and my son lives with us, i can manage my own company a bit more now, i just love music and can be happy with my classical composers. Years ago in another life my door was always open to other mums and children but we were badly taken advantage of, and now i live in a new area with only 1 child, and i confess i am a little more cautious.Very best wishes and have a good week, we also love our pet pussy cat, we learn so much from him!
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3marchpickle
member
Reged: 03/01/2007
Posts: 14
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Hi georgiegirl, you are not alone. we feel exactly the same way. having recently just experienced loosing 3 friends after five years over an issue with our children I have lost all faith in human nature. It seems the nicer you are the worse off you come. We too smile and take an interest in people. We help whenever we can and it rarely comes back. But you cannot give up. someone once said to me for every 10 horrid people there will be 1 nice one. not great odds i admit but you have to keep looking for them even though you don't always feel like it.
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kafferlilly
member
Reged: 26/04/2007
Posts: 732
Loc: NORTH WEST
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I know this is a 'bit' late to post  ..but this has touched a nerve in me for many reasons.......
DD is still in bed due to our disagreement we had yesterday over the amount of room my elbows will have in the new kitchen he is planning......
Not often TG...but when he is upset he goes into one of his sulks and he either lays there or sits there and puts himself into a deep sleep.... 
So yesterday I spent the day with my lovely son and enjoyed it.....I thought he may have been out of his mood when I got home....but no.....today in bed....
I thought I would suggest we go out together but that didnt inspire a feeling of love or harmony.....
I was going to go out again......and this is were I am now coming to the relevance of my post.....[sorry to be long winded]....
I had no one to 'go out' with.....  ....
You see I have 4 sisters one lives down South and for various reasons over the months my relationship with the 3 that dont has not been 'loving' or sisterly to say the least......
Whilst DD and I were/are close and lovey dovey its ok......but coming upon this topic has realy set me thinking....apart from my daughter and son [TG] who would I turn to for companionship.... 
Chatelaine I have always admired your independence....but there MUST be times when you could do with a 'drinking' partner....some one you can just BE with.....and Im not just talking about a male companion...in fact totally no male....but sometimes just reding between the lines........ 
Any way getting back to me......yes these forums are truly wonderful and helpful in soooooo many ways.....
Do I stretch out a hand of friendship accepting that my sisters dont think their actions can hurt or upset me......and think Im being 'too touchy' when it does...... 
Leave DD to come out of his sulk then resume 'normal' relations.....or bugger the bloody lot of them..... 
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Kaff..x
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Thimble
member
Reged: 04/12/2008
Posts: 4322
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kafferlilly...........you could have been me writing this. I am in the same boat and went through the same emotions as you.
If I needed some companionship, someone to just call round to have a coffee with or a "girlie" eveing with there is absolutely noone. I am an only child, we never kept in touch with any of my mums or dads family so no cousins etc.
Apart from my OH and my son there is no-one. Sad isn't it?
BUT it has been like this for all my life so have got use to it it was only when I heard other ladies on the forum say they were going off to meet up with friends, phoned someone to chat to because they were having a hard time, a friend came running because they were needed etc. that it actually hit me how there is noone.
I will be your "virtual" drinking partner if you want!!! Not the same I am afraid.
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kafferlilly
member
Reged: 26/04/2007
Posts: 732
Loc: NORTH WEST
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arh Thimble that is a real nice thought....and why not....I wonder if Chatelaine is about.....and we can put the worlds to right....
Mind I suppose the effort has to come from us.....if we are not happy about something we realy should have the where for all to be able to change it....
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Kaff..x
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KM4
member
Reged: 15/07/2009
Posts: 10
Loc: Wanstead E11
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Oh how I wish could type quicker! I have read the many comments on this forum many echo my own life at present.I wish you all well -just knowing that there are others out there trying to keep all th eballs in the air is a comfort. KM4
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chilla
member
Reged: 05/09/2008
Posts: 6190
Loc: runcorn
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As I said before, I have no family whatsoever apart from Mr C and given that he's 23 years older, i've always known that at some point I will be completely on my own, unless I made the effort to meet people.
That's exactly what i did and my life is a social whirl and filled with people, some of whom over the years have become exceptionally close and others that are either transient or with whom I am less deeply connected. The point is that it didn't just happen. I had to make the effort and to start with because I was the one that was looking for friendships/relationships, I was doing more of the running I suspect in an effort to cement the friendships that looked as if they would come to something. That may sound a slittle calculating, but frankly no-one comes knocking at your door and says do you wnat to be my friend? You gotta try it for yourself. Now there are fabulous forums like these and a whole new chance to meet people, it's even easier.
I don't know where in the North West you are Kaffer, maybe at the t'other end from me but there are loads of people up lancashire way. Try PMing and see if anyone wants to meet up for a coffee. I'd meet you if you are anywhere near my neck of the woods. I'm not as frightening as my straight-talking Chilla persona comes across, apparently! 
PSjust in case you do PM, I'm off now till Tues.
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I have the talent of single-minded determination and foc....hey, look, dog!
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