nowcemsi
member
Reged: 24/06/2008
Posts: 462
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In 1979 my first husband walked out, deserted me my daughter was 5 no explanation no contact no maintenance nothing.
Scraped myself back together and after two years of sheer hard work I saved up enough to buy a one bedroomed property.
Life was moved on I married again, I lost my parents all the normal things that happen in day to day life, tragedies came and went I picked myself up and dusted myself off
and this evening on facebook I saw a picture of my ex and the witch that took him away from me
smiling faces, in a magnificent house, partying, but fat, old and not I would say in the best of health from the looks of it.
I cried buckets........................ why?
I sat and thought poor me, all I have been through and am going through now and there they are with their perfect lives.
sad or what am I??
Is that a stupid reaction?
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Jules45
member
Reged: 17/04/2007
Posts: 266
Loc: Warks
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No it's not stupid at all, everyone's allowed a weak moment but you've coped and survived although it hasn't been easy. Although I think if their lives were perfect they wouldn't be wasting time on Facebook. I think they're the sad ones as well as it being a bit pretentious that they feel they need to show off like that.
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Jules
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sarahjane13
member
Reged: 10/04/2008
Posts: 228
Loc: Cheshire
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No it's not you at all nowcemsi. It is something that is close to your heart which as much as you have moved on built your life back up and gone on and married again is still there in parts and you have a daughter that is a constant reminder of that time. We all have that 'what if' in our heads and when we see or hear something very emotive as you have tonight it will trigger strong emotions. I heard a Marvin Gaye song tonight (Baby love me one more time) that i haven't heard for a long time. I was in a relationship that was wrong and had met this most wonderful guy who i so wanted to be with, he left for America after a wonderful night with it culminating in us dancing to this record and us so wanting to be together. Fate played its part and this is my lasting memory of him and there is now the what if factor that comes in, even though i got out of the other relationship and am now happily ( most of the time) married with two children. I will never see L again but what if always springs to mind. I think it is for youth lost and life lost and for very much what might have been, even though we have coped with the harsh realities of life inbetween.
Hope this makes sense to you.
Cry and think of what might have been, and then think of what you have got. It is all perfectly natural. I think. YOu are just not warned about this part of life.
Big hug.
Sarahjane
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Foxie
member
Reged: 09/08/2007
Posts: 8011
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Hi
Just a little comment to say that the photo on facebook was a "one-off" snapshot of one moment. No-one, no matter what it may look like from the outside has a perfect life. Everyone likes to show their best side, for all you know they might have had a blazing row afterwards.
This man has obviously hurt you really deeply in the past, don't let this hurt go into your future. You're worth so much more than that...........
Take care
F x.
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I've learnt that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou.
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GILL3SQ
member
Reged: 29/07/2008
Posts: 1605
Loc: Staffordshire
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I so agree with Foxie. No-one's life is ever perfect. Facebook is a menace to most of us adults, appealing more to our teenagers etc. Bit sad really for adults to post on there.
As you say, they are older, fatter and probably not in the best of health - so their life is not perfect. Focus on what you have achieved and be proud of yourself.
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ChrissiFi
member
Reged: 28/06/2006
Posts: 2621
Loc: Somerset
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No one puts a bad photo on facebook so remind yourself that that photo is probably as good as it gets for him and a big house, posh party etc certainly don't mean his life is better than yours (maybe it wasn't even his house). Of course you'll feel something - he was a big part of your life so it would be odd if you didn't even after all this time. Just remember how much you've achieved!
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caz001
member
Reged: 10/09/2008
Posts: 1083
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Hi Nowcemi,
Not a stupid reaction at all...... I would have felt the same, what you have is peace of mind and that cannot be bought ! I agree with ChrissiFI remember how much you have achieved and pat yourself on the back..
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jamjams
member
Reged: 09/01/2009
Posts: 1174
Loc: geordieland
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Most definatley not, You probably got a shock when you saw the photo, because you didn't expect it to be there.
And I agree with the others his life can't be that good if he has to brag about it on Facebook.
Please just treat this as a blip as you have been doing so well.
jamjams x
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tag49
member
Reged: 25/03/2009
Posts: 601
Loc: northampton
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its not stupid,it obviously caught you at a weak moment ,
you sound as though you were very strong to dust yourself down and start again all those years ago .you also have your daughter, more than he will ever have
xx
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chancey
member
Reged: 27/05/2009
Posts: 2
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You are not sad and this is not a stupid reaction. You are caring and have worked very hard for what you have achieved. The thing is that your ex walking out on you and your daughter has been a defining moment in your life and your life and your expectations altered at that point. If you had seen this picture at any time since you would have felt the same.
You have managed to rebuild your life since and although it hasnt been easy you've done it. It is perfectly natural to feel this way when confronted with an image of a seemingly happy and perfect lifestyle. But i agree with everyone else on this, that a photo just tells a story of one moment in time. It is not a true reflection of someone's life.
I am recently single and feel quite alone at the moment. I went to the local shopping centre on Monday and felt that everyone else was in a couple and I was the only single (sad ! ) person, but a friend pointed out to me, that those couples may have been together but who knew if they were really happy? And if they really wanted to be together?
You should be very proud of what you have achieved. You have done your absolute best. Your ex-husband deep down is probably very guilty and ashamed of how he walked out on you and failed to support his daughter. And if he isn't, then shame on him. You have your daughter, something he hasn't. x
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Tinkerbelle
member
Reged: 16/08/2008
Posts: 265
Loc: Garden of Eden
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Hi Nowcemi,
I agree with all of the other ladies. You should be very proud of yourself and you have your lovely daughter.
You stated he left you paying no maintenance, is there anyway you can trace on Facebook where he is living? I don't know if this can be done.
To just leave you and your daughter like that was awful. I know if it was me I would wan't to shop him for back dated maintenance.
I am very sorry for the loss of your parents.
I do hope the 2nd marriage worked out for you and you are happy as a family.
Lots of hugs. Tinkerbelle.
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Tinkerbelle
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cupcake
member
Reged: 15/02/2008
Posts: 6088
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Nowcemsi, just wanted to send you a hug and say how sorry I am that the picture made you feel so sad. I expect it made you thing of all the old times, maybe both good and bad.
Interested me you called her a witch.....my Dad left my Mum when I was 9 years old....46 years ago now. I STILL refer to the other woman (can hardly even bare to type such a nice word about her) as the witch. She was, is, always will be a witch.
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luckylegs
member
Reged: 08/12/2008
Posts: 620
Loc: White Stiletto Land
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Bet it was'nt his house! don't give him a second thought.
You have acheived much more.
Take care.
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OL0212
member
Reged: 04/01/2009
Posts: 172
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Bugger him
Can i just ask you why you even care ?
I suspect that you were to busy to grieve and the way he left was awful and cowardly.
He only matters if you let him matter. Are you using him as an excuse to not be happy or move on.
Forget the circumstances you get to choose, you are now in control and its 30 yrs ago ! let go get on with your life and be honest with yourself.
Look What you have achieved.
O x 
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Jae
member
Reged: 21/04/2006
Posts: 711
Loc: Scotland
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I think nowcemsi that it's probably the 'it's not fair' factor that comes in. When my ex took off with a little tart I assumed it would be a fling and all blow over. At one stage they split up and although I knew he wouldn't come back I felt better because they weren't happy on the back of my misery. Now they are back together and all the progress I made seems to have been lost. I'm gradually letting go bit by bit I'm sure like you that if I see any signs of their being happy I will end up in tears. Frustration, anger, heartbreak I'm not sure which but it just doesn't seem right for them to be happy after all the heartbreak they caused. That's something I'll just have to learn to live with but the inability to be in control of my emotions really gets to me.
Not been much help I'm afraid but at least you know you're not alone.
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Jae
(You can only reach for the future by letting go of the past)
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