lfdanny
member
Reged: 27/05/2009
Posts: 5
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I am 50 and have been married for 24 years. Perhaps it is my age or my life stage but I am feeling quite down. I used to be such an upbeat positive person.
My youngest daughter will go to University in September. My husband works long hours in a stressful job. When he is at home he is often pre-occupied with work. We hardly have any conversations. He quite often doesn't remember things i have told him. This makes me feel uninteresting and invisible. We don't have any mutual friends. Our life is boring. I am wondering what my life will be like when both my children have left home. I feel lonely and wish that my marriage provided me with some sort of comanionship. Perhaps my expectations of marriage are wrong.
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ChrissiFi
member
Reged: 28/06/2006
Posts: 2538
Loc: Somerset
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You're not invisible! I can ask my OH what he wants for dinner and half an hour later he'll ask what's for dinner. It sounds like your life has been centered around your children and husband for a very long time and the responsibilities have taken over from you enjoying your lives as a couple. I'd bet your husband is also feeling a bit lost. Try suggesting doing something different (perhaps an activity you both enjoyed before the children came along), or maybe do something just for you - a supper club is a good start for meeting new people.
Good luck. There have been numerous similar posts from ladies whose children are getting to the age where they're independent so it certainly isn't just you.
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marie50
member
Reged: 07/07/2007
Posts: 920
Loc: cleckheaton west yorkshire
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i know how you feel too, i'm 52 and started to feel like this when i was about your age. i now accept that it's just a fact of life, but if you're happy in yourself it's not a problem. i split with my husband when i was 45, i had a 15 year old and a 2 year old at the time. my eldest now lives on his own and my daughter is now nearly 9. she is the one who keeps me sane though, if it was just me and my ex i would be climbing the walls by now. i had a discussion with a friend at work just before we split and we both decided that once our kids had moved out we wouldnt be able to stay with our husbands as we realised we didnt have anything in common with them anymore. it's sad really, as just like you, we didnt really talk about anything interesting, just routine stuff like the kids, work, the house etc. i wish now that we'd both made more of an effort. i'm happy with my life now but have been through a really traumatic time and wouldn't wish it on anyone. i dont think your expectations are wrong, you just need to make your OH aware of how you feel, that was the mistake i made, he cant read your mind, same as you cant read his ! you dont say whether you have a job, i love my job, i get to see all of my friends every day ! you only get out of life what you put in, it's a huge effort when you're feeling down and forgotten, but its the only way you'll be able to make things better. dont do what i did and leave it too long, i hope you manage to sort it out, good luck xx
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lfdanny
member
Reged: 27/05/2009
Posts: 5
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Thank you so much for the suport and advise. It made me cry just to think it wasn't just me. I do have a part-time job but it no longer holds my interest. Need to find ME again. Remind myself of who I am and where I am heading.
Thanks again
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georgiegirl
member
Reged: 28/04/2009
Posts: 47
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Nope you are definitely not alone. I often think I could write a modern day version of 'Diary of a Nobody'
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