Optimistic
member
Reged: 14/12/2008
Posts: 88
Loc: SW
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Thank you so much for your messages which have given me great food-for-thought; including the message that say, knowing what I know, that I should report her.
It’s strange, when you are close to a situation, sometimes it isn’t until you run it past others that you see the enormity of it. I feel I must say though, that K is a very loving mum as she carries great guilt about her addiction so her children gets oodles of attention and affection. She also lets them stay up late and have loads of things – not that this is good (far from it) but she says her way of repaying them. An addict’s logic, I guess.
However, since that day she hasn’t drank since. She’s told her family that it’s all over and she’s hasn’t been feeling great since she’s gone cold turkey. She’s called AA and has a mentor coming over next week. I’m really rooting for her but I know that this isn’t over. It’s a long journey that may fail. Hubby, it appears, isn’t supportive. He wants her to give up yet he’s still drinking at home (in moderation) and still goes out for his hour jog every evening during the ‘witching’ hour (after tea, before kids bedtime chaos) when she’s always needed a drink to cope with this on her own, despite her plees.
Here’s where I stand at the moment. My thoughts have changed - I hope that T does report her. I will, of course, tell social services all I know because they do need help. I feel disloyal yet I feel it’s the right thing to happen. As for reporting her myself, I really don’t know about that. Not sure I could look her in the eye ever again but I’ll see what happens in the near future.
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dizeeblonde
member
Reged: 19/01/2008
Posts: 4684
Loc: Theatre of Dreams
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If it were me in this situation, I wouldn't have to even think about it, I would have reported this person long before now. Furthermore it would not have been anonymously, and I would have however painfully had the courage of my convictions to tell her that I had done so. We are dealing with young children here, and they should come first.
She need help as she is ill, in just the same way as someone addicted to class A drugs, and the children need protecting.
Sorry to be so blunt but all this pussyfooting around just results in children getting harmed.
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JulieJ
member
Reged: 29/12/2008
Posts: 552
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Would one way forward be for you to get in touch not with the social workers or anything official and part of the government, but with a child-welfare charity such as the NSPCC or the Children's Society - or even, perhaps, something like Alcoholics Anonymous.
If you say your main concern is for the child - which of course it has to be - then that is your reason for contacting them. Once you have done that, then in a way you have handed over respnsibility to them, and it's up to them if they take it further with the authorities.
The best way to be a friend to this woman is to help her kick her addiction - not cover it up.
There is also an orgniasation called Children of Addicted Parents which may help (and help the poor child too). It's on
http://www.coap.co.uk/taxonomy/term/103
Whatever happens, this situation CANNOT be allowed to continue.
All the best, Julie.
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Scarlets
member
Reged: 01/04/2007
Posts: 1889
Loc: Just across the pond
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You are right not to lie for her. She is obviously in need of help. She could be putting those children in a great deal of harm.
I think she is very lucky to have gone on for so long living near somebody who works for social services.
I really feel very sorry for her, but she does need help and I think asking you to lie for her is not an option.
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suejane
member
Reged: 04/10/2008
Posts: 453
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I hope it all works out.We have a Social Worker and most of them are very good and try hard in difficult situation, but they will always put any children first. This is their duty and in the light of Baby P etc no doubt they are trying even harder.We have friend nearby who is a Doctor to the elderley but has also had alcohol problems. She did manage to get help but alcohol is such an acceptable drug yet does so much harm.I beg your friend to keep going with any help she is offered and to be able to keep her children, Social Workers are even more careful now and must be . Best wishes x
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