hollyj
member
Reged: 12/01/2008
Posts: 997
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I dont think i am, i am feeling down at the moment,its the 2nd anniversary of my mum passing away ( Monday )and i feel like i should "shake my self up" stop feeling down and "get on with it" The anniversary also brings up other things not right in my life which makes me feel worse ! why cant i just let myself feel my unhappiness till it passes,or do you think i should just get on with it.I always have to have a brave face for other people as if its that i cant allow myself to have these feelings, why ? does anyone else feel like this.Sorry if its a bit of a ramble !
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Ashbee
member
Reged: 13/06/2008
Posts: 845
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Hello hollyj
You should allow yourself to feel sad at such a time...it's all part of the grieving process and to bury those feelings is only storing up trouble for sometime in the future. You know the feelings will pass eventually so just go with the moment, but try and remember the happy times and what was good about your mum's life, not just that she's not with you any more.
Take care ...
Ashbee
I know how you feel and
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hollyj
member
Reged: 12/01/2008
Posts: 997
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Ashbee, thanks for your reply,i know deep down i need to have these feelings, you cant stop them can you ! i am far to tough on myself though,thx again,take care
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Treetops
member
Reged: 14/11/2006
Posts: 767
Loc: Fife, Scotland
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Hi HollyJ,
I understand much of how you feel; it's not easy, is it? Ashbee has given you some very good advice. It could help a little too if you do something (or go somewhere) totally new which has no connection with your Mum. New experiences are sometimes the way forward. Something else which can help is to mentally put your sadness into a 'cupboard' which you can 'visit' from time to time and then at other times mentally 'close the door'. Your Mum would want you to be happy and to be able to move forward without her, difficult as that is at the moment.
Sending love and (((hugs))).
Treetops x
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Linby
member
Reged: 30/07/2008
Posts: 812
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Hi Holly I too lost my mum two years ago in June this year. It still is very raw. I am an only one and I lost Dad Two years previous to this by 4 days. I light a candle at the side of a photo of the both of them, on such days. I also do this on their birthday ( My Dad's was 17th September) This gives me comfort, but I do feel sad not only on these days but every so often. I can also have happy thoughts and I cherish these times. sometimes I get angry with them for leaving me. But I know they are together and watching over me. This I think is the grieving process. My thoughts are with you at this time xx
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hollyj
member
Reged: 12/01/2008
Posts: 997
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Linby, thanks for your reply,im sorry you have lost your mum as well,its very hard when your mum passes away isnt it,its good to know im not the only one who is still very sad two years on.I do have some happier times now,its just days like these i find very hard. Treetops,Thank you for your reply as well, i like your idea of doing something different,i will do that. Thanks again for your kind words,take care,x
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Sweet_Pea
member
Reged: 25/08/2008
Posts: 1253
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hollyj, it's only 2 yrs since my mum passed away too and relatively speaking that makes it quite recent. Grief is a process - anniversaries, birthdays, and christmas are always going to be a challenge and a focus for your unhappiness. Let yourself feel what you feel but find new ways of remembering too. Learn to be kind to yourself - give yourself some breathing space around the times that you know you'll find difficult. Good luck.
Sweetpeasue
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chilla
member
Reged: 05/09/2008
Posts: 869
Loc: runcorn
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Most of us are far kinder to others than we are to ourselves. Would you ever tell your closest girlfriend that she should get over it by now. Of course not. Follow some of the very sensible advice from the other ladies and realise that you will have good days and bad days.
Look after yourself
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When I have talked for an hour I feel lousy-
Not so when I have danced for an hour;
The dancers inherit the party
While the talkers wear themselves out and
Sit in corners, alone, and glower.
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Spanishlady
member
Reged: 21/01/2008
Posts: 1708
Loc: Torrevieja Spain
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Holly I too lost my Dad almost two years ago and I am stil very sad I have a cry every now and then and Ido feel a lot better for it.
I love to listen to his music even though it make me sad but it seems to bring him back to me for a little while,
as chilla says be kind to yourself and enjoy the good days
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mazzi
member
Reged: 20/09/2008
Posts: 43
Loc: North West
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Hi there
Sometimes you have to allow yourself to 'just be', and if that means having some down time then that's what you have to do. As the others have said it's important too to keep in mind all the good times you've had to help keep things in perspective. I lost my Dad 6 years ago in October and still think of him fondly and miss him - it's not something I got over I just learned how to get round it, if that makes sense.
Big hug to you - Mazzi x x
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hollyj
member
Reged: 12/01/2008
Posts: 997
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Hi.Thanks to everyone for replying, i was feeling very low this morning.Sometimes its hard to know how to behave or how we should be feeling when we go through awful times isnt it,at least i know im not odd and having these sad days are normal.Thanks again everyone,I really appreciate you taking the time to respond to me today.
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Foxie
member
Reged: 09/08/2007
Posts: 4024
Loc: South London
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Hi Hollyj don't apologise, my mother died four years ago now so I am further down the line than you. I still really miss my mother, but I have more of an acceptance now. I feel that instead of missing what I don't have, I am grateful for what I had.
I did not reach this place overnight, it took me lots of tears and anguish, but it a more comfortable place to be. I will always miss my mum but I have lots of very happy memories and no regrets.
Hugs Foxie x.
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In your journey through life, take what works for you and let the rest go. Susan Jeffers
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wispa
member
Reged: 16/01/2008
Posts: 1948
Loc: Suffolk,
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Dad died in January at the age of 87. He was diagnosed as being in the early stages of cancer a few years ago, but as they couldn't do anything (as a smoker his lungs were too badly damaged to survive an operation) he refused to have any check-ups. He died in hospital after a heart attack in his sleep. It wasn't until later it was found he was riddled with cancer, and the pneumonia was actually secondary lung cancer.
I miss him dreadfully, but in my heart I know I should be glad because he didn't suffer and he never knew how ill he was. To be honest, loved being in hospital becaus ehe adored hospital food and flirted with all the nurses, and they spoiled him, so his last few days were quite happy.
My head says one thing, but emotions take over.
When it happens, I try and take time out and remember that he had a happy release, and I am so so lucky to have such lovely memories.
But is still hurts so much
..wispa
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hollyj
member
Reged: 12/01/2008
Posts: 997
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Foxie,im sorry about your mum and glad your in a happier place now.
Wispa,i'm so so sorry about your dad as well, my mum died of lung cancer with secondary brain mets,it was awful,she didnt deserve to suffer like that,and with the fact that she was in a nursing home which didnt really do the nursing bit ( a very well known name as well ) it was an awful time,i was with her when she died and i think she knew i was there which im sure helped her.
Thanks everyone for all you support today.Take care,x
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wispa
member
Reged: 16/01/2008
Posts: 1948
Loc: Suffolk,
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Holly,
let's celebrate your mum! She may be gone, but she has obviously left some great memories.
So, tell all. Some of the funny stories, good things she did. Share it with us, and we'll all raise a toast to het and her wonderful caring daughter!
..wispa
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hollyj
member
Reged: 12/01/2008
Posts: 997
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Wispa,bless you ! one thing,she was like Hilda Baker, always getting her words mixed up and saying daft things, we would roar laughing at some things she said,she loved bingo ! She was such a nice person as well, never had bad word for anyone, she always saw the good in people, never joined in gossip. i wish i was more like her,she even babysat my granddaughters in her 80's.Tell me about your dad,x
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wispa
member
Reged: 16/01/2008
Posts: 1948
Loc: Suffolk,
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He was wartime hero,but that was his early life. And he was very correct and a bit uptight.
As an elderly Dad, he was hilarious. World's biggest flirt - checkout operators, doctors receptionists, his cleaner. He was so worried about her, a nice woman like that being ummarried, you would think she would be snapped up. Well she might have been, if she ever met the right woman, but we never told him that.
Had his own language - pizza wwas peeeza, mortgage was morT-gage. Refused to be called dad, or grandad, as that wasn't his name. He was Archie.
2 days before he died in hospital, he got very stressed about the nurse not having a thermometer. I assumed he was dreaming. He was actually thinking about a visit to the minor injuries clinic a few months earlier, when the nurse only had a mercury thermometer and not a new fangled one they put in the ear. I think he fancied the nurse! But I've only just realised what he meant. So, I've just given the clinic a cheque for 4 thermometers, and they are putting a plaque in the clinic to say they are in his memory
..wispa
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hollyj
member
Reged: 12/01/2008
Posts: 997
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Wispa, what a lovely character he sounds,you are lucky to have had a lovely dad, a war hero as well, we must always remember them,they were so brave,my dad was in the RAF, fixing Spitfires !! thats a worry as he was hopeless at diy !The thermometer idea is great,thats something i havent done yet,something to commemorate ( sp) her memory, (would help if me and my sister were on speaking terms)i still have her ashes here, my sister has dad.Its been so theraputic for me on here today,i normally just add the odd comment,ive never really bared my soul,its not me really,stiff upper lip in public thats me.Wispa and everyone else thank you so much,i wont forget your kindness today,take care,x
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wispa
member
Reged: 16/01/2008
Posts: 1948
Loc: Suffolk,
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Holly,
he wasn't perfect, He had lots of faults. But so what,we aren't perfect.
Let's celebrate their good points, and accept their faults
..m
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