gigi
member
Reged: 12/04/2008
Posts: 1848
Loc: North East
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Oh I am so, so gobsmacked.
I have just recieved a lovely letter from my YD, telling me that she got married on the 8 September. Now am not that shocked by this, she had spoken about going abroad, just the two of them to get married. I am not too happy that it has taken so long to tell me, and that they managed a honeymoon in Greece, after complaining of having no money.
What is really really hacking me off is her double standards.
On the day that my car was reduced to scrap via an arson attack YD phoned to say that she had had a day in London, I told her that her sis and brothers were all together in the city too. Keeping in mind that the wedding was always going to be a non family event and her engagement was announced post engagement on the internet I couldn't believe that she felt let down by the others getting together without her. Especially as YD didn't think to contact ES who lives in London to say she would be in the city.
But more than this, when my marriage ended there was violence and a court case, hence my move North for safety. So I am absolutley furious that YD went in tears to her father about the London get together. I have not interferred with the realtionships my children have chosen to have with their father, though they all find in time that it doens't work out well. My YS has maintained the most consistent contact with his father, and has admirably and dipolmatically not tied himself in knots over feelings of divided loyalties. Since YS is the only one of our children, apart now from YD, YS is the one the exOH blasted over the London meeting.
YD just doesn't understand that if she doesn't involve them in important events in her life, she can't expect them to know how important they are in her life. For six years I have kept a family united where others would fall apart, now YD is creating disharmony. I even went so far as to email exOH some time ago, to say that whatever the circumstances our children deserve the best from us as parents, to not feel guilty if they want contact with both of us.
I have known her OH for almost two years and he adores her, that said he is ten years older and a foreign national with no right of permanancy in the UK, and has spoken about returning to his homeland to go into the very turbulent politics there. Kids GRRRRR
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Elsie
member
Reged: 05/01/2008
Posts: 2109
Loc: Scotland
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Oh gigi, I really feel for you.
Sorry, I've no advice to give. Have learnt that there are people who care about others feelings, and people who don't.
Am sure someone will reply with lots of brilliant advice soon.....and I'll think 'Of course, I should have thought of that!!!'
Kids, eh!
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Silver
member
Reged: 28/01/2008
Posts: 94
Loc: Didsbur, South Manchester
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Oh Gigi,
That is such a complex and sad post, I really feel for you, families can be so difficult sometimes but they can also be amazing at other times....hope things work out for all of you..
Silver
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I have three daughters, two grown up and married and one teenager, and I love cats.
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Foxie
member
Reged: 09/08/2007
Posts: 4024
Loc: South London
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Gigi - thinking of you - being a mum is not easy.
Take care F x.
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In your journey through life, take what works for you and let the rest go. Susan Jeffers
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PatsyW
member
Reged: 28/12/2007
Posts: 1413
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O gigi, how awful for you. Silver is right, it's so sad and complicated.
I do think that you have done the right thing so far and not interefered in your children's relationship with your exOH - well done for that, it can't have been easy.
YS has the right attitute and, if you can, take his stance. Don't tie yourself in knots about this, sympathise with him over his "blasting", if he needs you to, but otherwise don't make yourself unhappy. YD is old enough to sort out her relationships with her siblings.
I read your post to Sally this morning, and something similar applies - you gave YD wings to fly and fly she will. Sadly you won't be able to choose the direction or her flying companions.
I remember the lengths you went to when your S was in difficult in Italy and know that you will do what you always do - you'll be their wonderful Mum, who is always there and you'll pick up the pieces as and when required.
We're all here for you. Hugs.
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Barney
member
Reged: 01/04/2008
Posts: 967
Loc: Northumberland
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Hi gigi
Thinking of you.
Take care
Bx
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"Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding." Einstein.
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BumbleBee
member
Reged: 24/08/2008
Posts: 311
Loc: Leicestershire
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Oh gigi, I don;t know what to say. I have no words of advice as mine are still teenagers, so I have all this to come. I admire you for the stance you took with your ex though - so many women don't, which makes life even more stressful.
The dust will settle, but in the meantime, look after yourself. Am sending you big hugs xx
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snoozysuzy
member
Reged: 15/08/2008
Posts: 10
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Gigi
Sit back and think - is your daughter's life in any danger? Does she have her health? Is she cared for? If the answer to all of these are no then you have no worries - let her get on with it and be there to pick up the pieces if it all goes pear shaped. Tell yourself repeatedly that you could not have done any more for her than you have and then let go. It's not easy but essential.
xx
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snoozysuzy
member
Reged: 15/08/2008
Posts: 10
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Gigi I meant if the answer to all of these are yes! If it was no then you have many worries!!
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stellac
member
Reged: 14/05/2008
Posts: 721
Loc: mauritius
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take care thinking of you
tella
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gigi
member
Reged: 12/04/2008
Posts: 1848
Loc: North East
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Thank you for this support, I am moved by your comments. YD is only a teenager, nineteen. As for her safety, well time will tell if her father is involved. It was such a shock, I even got a birthday card and email from her last week, no mention that she had already been married a week. I had a long walk along the river at Durham this afternoon and cleared my head. My sis talks a lot of sense too. Thanks ladies.
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cupcake
member
Reged: 15/02/2008
Posts: 3005
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Hello, gigi.
Really thinking of you with love today...
xx
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gigi
member
Reged: 12/04/2008
Posts: 1848
Loc: North East
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thanks Cuppy.
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jessica
member
Reged: 01/02/2007
Posts: 547
Loc: North Wiltshire
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Just a thought and a very old but true saying 'As mothers we give them life but we can't live it for them'
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Linby
member
Reged: 30/07/2008
Posts: 812
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Thinking of you gigi I feel for you I know what you are going through However I love jessica's quote but it's so hard not to sometimes isn't it xx
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dreamer
member
Reged: 07/11/2007
Posts: 34
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Hello Gigi . I really felt for you when I read your post but whether we like it or not 19 is considered an adult and she has the right to make her own decisions , however stupid they might be ! Just be there for her when /if it all goes wrong but don`t let it stop you living your own life in the meantime . As for the sibling arguments , let them get on with it and if they try to drag you into it just tell them that they are all adults and don`t need their mum to sort things out .All easy to say and difficult to do . My own son and daughter ( 29 and 33 ) fell out recently and my son complained to me and wanted me to have words with her . I refused and just told him that they were adults and had to sort it out themselves ...and guess what ? They did .Good luck to you anyway and i hope things sort themselves out .
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issi
member
Reged: 30/09/2007
Posts: 3066
Loc: Surrey
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I just want to send you a message of support Gigi. I hope everything sorts itself out as Dreamer said. x
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