Chelsea
member
Reged: 06/02/2008
Posts: 776
Loc: Essex
|
|
My youngest wants to go to uni next year and has narrowed his choice down to 3 that he would like to attend. What is the correct form these days? I have been advised to go and visit which I think is a good idea but how visible are the mums and dads supposed to be? My S is very quiet and although he will have to start coming forward when he starts attending, I am worried that he will not really find out enough/the right info if I leave the talking to him.
One of the main points of going to uni apart from to get the degree he needs for his chosen career, is to help him grow up a bit and come out of his shell. He has recognised the need for this himself (hence deciding to go away to study rather than attend the uni in our home town) but he is still at the beginning of that particular journey and I don't belive he would handle it well on his own yet.
My oldest didn't go to uni so not sure what the form is for this kind of thing these days. Is it 'done' for mums to chip in with questions etc? I don't want my S to come across as a mummy's boy (even though he probably is in some ways!!!)
Thank you
--------------------
Chelsea x
|
tiggy44
member
Reged: 20/01/2008
Posts: 57
Loc: staffs
|
|
have pm'd you
--------------------
Karen x
|
blossom97
member
Reged: 02/02/2008
Posts: 2146
|
|
My daughter isn't at that age yet but I would imagine that nowadays because more and more parents are paying for their children's education, that they would turn up and want their say,...I know I would...but I don' think my daughter would be too happy!!
--------------------
|
marymary
member
Reged: 16/05/2007
Posts: 526
|
|
Ask your son whether he wants you to go with him or not (some offspring will go with parents and some will go with, so either would be fine), then at least you'll be letting him make the decision. Then I'd suggest chatting around the subject with him beforehand and getting him to think up the kinds of things he'll need to find out. In that way he'll see that he needs to start thinking for himself but you will be supporting him and prompting him to think of things he might otherwise forget. If he's thought about issues in advance he's more likely to make good use of the visits and may feel confident to ask a few questions himself, rather than letting you speak for him.
If your son goes to uni 'Open Days' (arranged on set dates), there'll be a timetable of events and talks, so much of the info he'll need to find out will be readily available anyway.
--------------------
|
GILL3SQ
member
Reged: 29/07/2008
Posts: 63
Loc: Staffordshire
|
|
Just about to see 2nd daughter off to uni. I have visited many over the last few years and most expect parents (one or even two) to go along. There are specific things laid on for parents and they split you up on visiting days so that you see what you need to see. I would say go along unless your son is adamant he wants to go alone - but they do enjoy the company whilst travelling - these things can get very busy with lots of traffic etc - and they don't always pick up all the info you require.
|
Chelsea
member
Reged: 06/02/2008
Posts: 776
Loc: Essex
|
|
Thank you everybody for your advice. We have looked at the ucas website and now know when the open days are. S is adament that he doesn't want us to go with him so we have comprimised and said we will go to the first one with him but let him do the talking and then maybe he can go on his own to the other two, see how it goes!
I can see that talking to him about it before hand and asking him questions about what he needs to find out etc., is a very good idea so we will do that and make sure he is well prepared.
Good luck to all of you who's sons and daughters are off to uni or college next year, I hope they all do well and get into the institution of their choice!
--------------------
Chelsea x
|
Foxie
member
Reged: 09/08/2007
Posts: 4024
Loc: South London
|
|
Both my children are through the uni system now, but I well remember the angst of choosing a uni!! Such a difficult decision to make.
Good luck and you are wise to start looking in good time.
Foxie x.
--------------------
In your journey through life, take what works for you and let the rest go. Susan Jeffers
|
Sweet_Pea
member
Reged: 25/08/2008
Posts: 1253
|
|
Oldest daughter has just graduated and we went to plenty of open days before she chose her Uni. I agree, ask your son how he feels but don't worry about being the only parent there - these days you're in the minority if you don't have a parent with you at an open day. Asking questions seems to be fine too. We hear all this stuff about "Helicopter Parents" hovering over their offspring but that's the way it is now. Besides, our children are often seduced by the superficial stuff (like the student bar/social life) and an objective view is quite useful.
Good luck.
Sweetpeasue
--------------------
|
Chelsea
member
Reged: 06/02/2008
Posts: 776
Loc: Essex
|
|
...the trouble is that although my S is shy, he is fiercly independant and will not ask for help even when he really needs it and knows we are there for him. It drives me mad but on the other hand, he is a man now and I suppose he wants to be allowed to act like one!
I really want to go with him, but he will not let me 'hold his hand' (not literally!!)but I just want the opportunity to steer things a bit if I can. After all, as Blossom said, we will be supporting him through it so I do feel entitled to have some involvement!
--------------------
Chelsea x
|
wispa
member
Reged: 16/01/2008
Posts: 1948
Loc: Suffolk,
|
|
Whichever one they choose, here are my tips.
Don't throw out anything! You'll need to kit him out, and students aren't fussy. Besides which, you won't want the stuff back after a year!
Save all old mugs, suacepans, cutlery, towels, tea-towels. If necessary, replace your own and keep the old ones for him.
Buy cheap bedding, or buy new stuff for home and let him take his and replace his home stuff. He won't wash it anyway. And when he bring it home, you won't want to touch it
Students don't care if their socks don't match. first term, you'll send him off with nice new stuff. trem 2 he'll have lost it all, so give him all the odd socks in the house
..wispa
|
gillian57
member
Reged: 15/06/2008
Posts: 183
|
|
I had the same issues with my children. Both are both very independent (which is exactly what I wanted!). Daughter was happy to have me along for the ride but son was clear he could manage on his own although happy to chat about things to look out for beforehand. Given he would have to manage alone went he left home I couldn't see a good reason to object.
|
Chelsea
member
Reged: 06/02/2008
Posts: 776
Loc: Essex
|
|
Wispa - LoL!!! All this advice certainly makes sense to me!
Gillian, you are right - they will have to get on with it eventually won't they?
Thanks for the advice ladies, it is very helpful.
--------------------
Chelsea x
|
wispa
member
Reged: 16/01/2008
Posts: 1948
Loc: Suffolk,
|
|
My son went to check out one Uni with his girlfriend. When they came back, she was really enthusiastic about it. Son didn't apply for that one, but didn't tell her.
I offered to go with him to a couple, even to drive there but go shopping, but he wanted to do it on his own.
It all worked out okay
..wispa
|
ColetteH
member
Reged: 05/10/2006
Posts: 91
|
|
Our son is off to Uni in 2weeks. He is our second child to go. We went to open days wiyh both of them. But they did want us to go. We found that if they liked 2 unis and could not make up their mind which course was the best one, we could give our perspective. These open days are manic. Hundreds of people. Also on these days you view accomodation. Agree with Wispa. Kitted mine out with old crockery, towels,bedding. They break crockery regularly, so can just replace with more crockery stored in the shed. Good luck.
|
Sha
member
Reged: 02/08/2008
Posts: 35
Loc: West Sussex
|
|
There's lots of good advice above. A colleague sent his son off to Sheffield Uni a couple of years ago - he had been to an open day but he only lasted a couple of weeks and then came home. He was from a small market town in the South East and hated Sheffield which he said he found "too Northern". As a Northerner myself I found this bizarre but it was obviously a huge culture shock for this lad. Just mentioning it here because there is more to Uni than just the course - it has to be somewhere that you actually want to live for three years. Parents can ask questions and give guidance on things that just wouldn't occur to a teenager about to start out an independent life - things like accomodation, transport even nightlife. So maybe you could visit the towns, if not attend the open days with your son?
Hope it works out well. I'm sure he will enjoy this exciting new phase of his life!
|
Chelsea
member
Reged: 06/02/2008
Posts: 776
Loc: Essex
|
|
Many thanks for these thoughts Colette & Sha, it all helps!
--------------------
Chelsea x
|
ChrissiFi
member
Reged: 28/06/2006
Posts: 1293
Loc: Somerset
|
|
It was 25 years ago (where's the time gone?) but my mum went to the open days with me (a long time ago) but only because I had to drive and my Dad didn't wholly trust me not to do the whole motorway journey at 100 plus in his car (he was probably right) so she was there to supervise but parents were given the option of being taken around separately to the applicants everywhere I visited.
My only recommendation would be not to go to somewhere that's too different from home - if you're used to a rural community or small country town then central London or Manchester could be very scary. If you're shy and find it difficult to get to know people then consider a campus based uni where all first years are in halls (some offer shared rooms at a cheaper rate - I took this option when I went as I knew it would at least give me a starting point for making friends and where I went everyone in the hall got on with their room mate very well - we were simply assigned alphabetically within choice of course in those days).
The other thing is that I think there are 5 choices on the UCAS form so also pick two unis that will make lower offers so that at the end of the day if your first 3 give the same offer you can select your first choice and a reserve from the ones with lower offers just in case.
Hope this helps.
|
sue11
member
Reged: 22/08/2007
Posts: 139
|
|
Hi Chelsea, My daughter was adamant that she wanted to go uni on the south coast and we live in the north west which isn' too far but very few direct trains so I did try to put her off. However, she asked me to take her to the open day so we drove down & got stuck in horrendous traffic on the M42 which did everything we could't do. By the time we checked into the hotel she admitted that she felt it was too far but still went to the Open Day & thank goodness she didn't go there because it was too much of a culture shock in that none of the kids spoke to each other & no better than a local further education college. Went to an Open Day with mum & dad to a uni much nearer home & loved it. Had mobile numbers of others looking & kept in touch right through to going there. My advice is don't stay away from the Open days as a lot of information given re finance and accom costs but the day they start get there early, unpack the car & leave a huge tim of cakes or box of beers in the communal kitchen and leave as quickly as possible. Don't hang around while others make friends & your S or D is still with mummy &daddy. Get in the car & drive away with tears pouring down your face. I admit it I'm not brave.sue
|
suzie88
member
Reged: 02/09/2008
Posts: 248
Loc: Essex
|
|
Hi Sha,My daughter is about to start her second year at Sheffield uni.She loves it and works part time in a pub serving pints of Tetleys to the locals. I loved going to open days with her. We had a great time, even flew up to Edinburgh to visit St Andrews and stayed in a lovely bed and breakfast.Now I am doing the same with my son.We are off to Exeter soon and staying in a nice hotel the night before.I think they like to have your support, there are usually more students with parents than without.Sue
|
Chelsea
member
Reged: 06/02/2008
Posts: 776
Loc: Essex
|
|
Thanks for the very sensible advice ladies,
S has reluctantly agreed for us to come to the first one and I think he will see there that most people bring their mums and dads for a good reason! It must be the age/man thing but my S is very 'black and white' - he needs to learn to think things through properly before making snap decisions. Hoping that will come with time!
--------------------
Chelsea x
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
