Artfulsighs
member
Reged: 16/04/2008
Posts: 29
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Have you had one or more Ectopic pregnancies? I suffered one in each tube back in the late 1980.s & am childless as a consequence. It is a long story but, I would be interested to hear the stories/views etc of other women like me. I had NO support & it is never even mentioned in my family. There wasn't anywhere that I could go for mutual understanding at the time and it is as if they were Non events & yet decades later I still live with the secret grief and memories of the trauma of emmergency major surgery and dreadfully tactless way that I was treated. Surely someone out there understands!
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Verite
member
Reged: 19/08/2008
Posts: 394
Loc: HONG KONG
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Dear Artfusighs
I am sorry you still feel so much pain and grief after your loss. It must be hard for you to live with this and have no one to talk to about it.
I have not had an Ectopic pregnancie but did suffer a miscarriage in early pregnancy. That was very traumatic and I eventually split up with my partner due to all the stress and grief of it.
I went and found some one local for me to talk to. She was fantastic and helped me deal with that and other issues.
I think you could benefit from it as well. Have a look and see if there is a counculor you could talk to. It really is tru when they say It's good to talk.
Big hugs sent your way.
Verite
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Artfulsighs
member
Reged: 16/04/2008
Posts: 29
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Hi Verite
Thank you so much for your kind words, and I am sorry to hear that you also suffered a loss with such tragic consequences. I must say that I count my blessings because I have such a good husband, although a man cannot truly understand a women's pain. My last ectopic, oh and I did have 3 miscarriages in between, was in 1990. A long time ago, I know but it never goes away especially as I have the physical scars to remind me each day. Unfortunately, I was never able to find a Councellor with specific understanding of Ectopic pregnancy which is very different to miscarriage (generally speaking) & eventually I simply told myself that I could either curl up in a corner and grieve for the rest of my life or pick myself up, dust myself down and march on. Well I stumbled along the way and health has held me back somewhat but my faith in those dark hours kept me going. I guess I have dealt with it in my own way but I do wonder if there are any other women out there like me who would care to share their story. Not to feel sorry for ourselves or wallow in misery but just to find a common bond, especially if,like me, they were consequentally childless. Anyway, Verite bless you for taking the trouble to send your kind words and I hope you found happiness after your loss. x 
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Barney
member
Reged: 01/04/2008
Posts: 924
Loc: Northumberland
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Artfulsighs have you contacted The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust - if you google it you should find their website, it might offer some help. I haven't experienced an ectopic pregnancy but have had several miscarriages and a stillbirth - obviously I don't have the physical scars. I'm sorry to hear that you've had no support. I found following stillbirth family were reluctant to talk, I think from fear of causing more pain. Perhaps you need to bring your pain and the way you feel about your ectopic pregnancies into the open with your family, you may find that they too want to talk. I hope you can soon begin the healing process.
Take care
Bx
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marg1959
member
Reged: 29/09/2007
Posts: 196
Loc: Kent
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I have no experience of an eptopic pregnancy but did have a miscarriage early on in my first pregnancy. My H's brother and wife have not had any children and initally we thought that they didn't want them but gradually came to understand that they haven't been able to have any. They never speak about it but have gradually cut themselves off from the rest of the family especially when the younger children are around. It would have been good to be able to support them but haven't felt able to as they refused to talk about it. Perhaps your family don't want to upset you and you may find they would like to discuss it but don't know how to approach the subject.
It's never to late to address the hurt and upset you suffered and while it may not change the outcome it may help you have some peace about the situation.
Hope you find the support you find helpful
x
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