hebehollyhockss
member
Reged: 14/08/2008
Posts: 4
|
|
My daughter had been with her boyfriend for 5 years,they met while doing a ski season just after her degree in Medical Science.They traveled and lived together for most of that time,while they were working in China she decided to take a second degree in Speech Therapy,last year after graduating again! she was given the opportunity to work,for 3 months, in Cambodia with cleft palate babies,when she returned the Friday before Christmas he told her he had found someone else,she adored him and still does,she feels her life was snatched away from her ,they had planned a future together and she never doubted him,she had no job and no real home.
Now 8 months on she remains sad and misses him all the time.What can she do,she shares a flat in London and works as a temporary secretary,the main problem now is she cannot get a speech therapy job,she has had 5 interviews but says she can't cope and goes completely to pieces.she has no self esteem and regrets all her previous decisions including Cambodia.
She has good friends and family support but I am running out of ideas,she refuses to seek outside help..
I just want the confidant happy girl that she was last year back again.
Any advice would be very welcome
|
sioned
member
Reged: 31/03/2008
Posts: 69
Loc: North Wales Coast
|
|
It must be awful for you, as mums i think we do try to fix things and make things better for our children, it breaks our heart to see them heart broken. perhaps she not ready yet to move on, how long is the right time?
How old is your daughter? i guess be patient, be there for her. It sounds like she has a real passion for speech therapy, perhaps the passion is lost at the moment but hopefully still there waiting to emerge.
Thinking of you XX
|
PatsyW
member
Reged: 28/12/2007
Posts: 1362
|
|
Sorry hebehollyhockss, I have no experience of this (son only 14) but really feel for you. Sioned is right about just being there.
5 years is a long time, so she won't get over him easily. If it's anything like grief (and I'm guessing it is) getting through the first year is hard and it starts to get better after that.
Keep encouraging her and keep telling her how marvellous she is. Your lovely, confident girl is still there and she will come back.
Hugs.
--------------------
|
trendymurm
member
Reged: 07/03/2008
Posts: 132
Loc: Kent
|
|
Unfortunately a lot of us with daughters have been in this position and they take time to get over it, its like greiving for what might have been. My daughter is just back to herself after many many months of getting over a relationship that went wrong. They had discussed marriage etc but then she got shingles last Summer and he wouldn't even visit her as her was petrified of catching it even though it was non contageous. It was a very tough time for her as she was ill for months with it (doctor said worst case he had ever seen) not helped by him and it all went downhill from there really over a number of months. She was devasted when they broke up(best thing that could have happened) and up until a few weeks ago I was beginning to despair that she would ever be 'back to normal' but its happened so don't give up hope. Her self esteem and confidence were rock bottom for that period of time.
If your daughters problem is the interview then perhaps you could practise interviewing her and get your friends to interview her. She must have an idea of the type of questions that she will be asked and you could work on the answers that she would give to these questions so that when the interview comes round it will be second nature to give the answers. There are always the standard type questions as well as the specific job related ones. I always do this with my daughter when she is going for an interview and it really helps her. If she could get a speech therapy job then it would be a new start and give her something else to focus on plus the fact that she will meet new people. Perhaps she might think about looking for a speech therapy job outside of London, a different area might be a good change. Your daughter should not regret the experiences she has had she should be proud of them.
My D kept going over it all where it went wrong etc etc etc and if she hadn't done x, y and z and I let her for a period of time as did her friends and then had to make her face the fact the what's done is done and there's no going back, just forwards however hard it is.
Has you daughter anyone to talk to who has had the same type of relationship experience as herself? my daughter was very lucky to have friends who had had a similar experience which I thought helped as they could sympathise and advise.
--------------------
|
Brenda1948
member
Reged: 12/01/2008
Posts: 297
Loc: West Sussex
|
|
I feel so sorry for you and your daughter. As mothers, we always want to protect our children from everything - and that doesn't stop just because they're grown0up children suffering from grown-up heartache.
All you can do is to keep reminding your daughter that she's a lovely, clever, caring girl, and that life will get better.
While she is looking for the job she wants, do you think it might help if she did some voluntary work one evening a week, working for an organisation such as the Stroke Society, which I understand is always looking for speech therapists to volunteer to work with people whose speech has been affected by a stroke. It would add to her cv, and might boost her self esteem when she finds that she can really help people.
Five years is a long time to invest in a relationship that falls apart, and she won't get over it in a few months, but she will get over it. We all do!
|
hebehollyhockss
member
Reged: 14/08/2008
Posts: 4
|
|
Many thanks for your reply I think your idea of voluntary work with the Stroke Society is brilliant,will certainly suggest it and let you know how she gets on.Something positive and will look good on the CV,unfortunately NHS interviews are just clinical questions now,after all the good work in Cambodia no one on the interview panels mentions it!
|
expatK
member
Reged: 18/01/2008
Posts: 1030
Loc: Frankfurt,Germany
|
|
I worked for The Stroke Association for quite a few years. They have a scheme called Dysphasic Support, which works with speech impaired people following a stroke. They would be delighted to have your daughter volunteer with them, I'm sure. Their head office is in London but they have people working all around the country. Try looking them up on the internet.
I was always lead to believe that there was a national shortage of speech therapists, and couldn't understand why the NHS didn't do something about it- still don't!
I wish your daughter all the very best, it's hard , I know, but I'm sure she will find her way soon...
|
VMax
member
Reged: 15/08/2008
Posts: 107
Loc: Kent..
|
|
He's a tosser. She’s better off without him.
Just be there for her Mum. She’s a big girl and will snap out of it in her own time, time heals. If all else fails, get her through her bike test, buy her a bike, and she will meet hundreds of new friends. There are many women’s motorcycle clubs. She needs to be out with her existing friends or making new ones.
--------------------
xx Viv xx
|
Chelsea
member
Reged: 06/02/2008
Posts: 776
Loc: Essex
|
|
I sympathise but the other lady is right - us mum's want to fix everything and sometimes it just doesn't work like that! It does sound as if your daughter is stuck and can't move away from what might have been. In time, she will see that actually, it would never have been because the relationship was not meant to be permenant (if it was, they would still be together despite all the hardships the relationship endured).
Sounds like she needs a 'step-change' something to lift her out of this stuck emotional situation - now that could be motorcycles or something else! Probably not a sewing circle but something that will allow her to meet a whole new group of friends a bit like some of us from the forum - the voluntary work may well be the right path.
I wish you and her well - the career thing will take time but she will get there. The boyfriend will fade into the background when she gets into something she can be passionate about.
Good luck x
--------------------
Chelsea x
|
Foxie
member
Reged: 09/08/2007
Posts: 3936
Loc: South London
|
|
Your daughter is going through a sort of mourning for a life which has now changed. You don't say how old she is, but the first heart break is very hard. All you can be is to be there for her. Are you close to any of her friends? Can you speak to them and see if they can encourage her to go out again (not necessarily to meet other men) but to the cinema etc, so at least she can pick up the pieces of her life.
This is a time when you realise that girls always need their mums.
--------------------
Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told "I'm with you kid. Let's go." Maya Angelou
|
hebehollyhockss
member
Reged: 14/08/2008
Posts: 4
|
|
Just to say thanks for all the helpful support and best news our daughter has a job!!!
This was the seventh interview and at last it all went OK.
Well you wouldn't have known it from D.account of interview but yesterday she phoned overjoyed and excited for the first time for such ages,we are full of admiration for her determination and guts.
|
OzzieKez
member
Reged: 21/06/2008
Posts: 1897
Loc: Queensland, Australia
|
|
Excellant news. Lets hope she gets her mojo back soon!
--------------------
|
Glitterqueen
member
Reged: 11/01/2008
Posts: 1235
Loc: Essex
|
|
What wonderful news about the job. Sounds like just what she needs to move on.
--------------------
|
cherryblossom
member
Reged: 14/08/2008
Posts: 142
Loc: central scotland
|
|
Great news about the job, well done to your daughter, the first step to her moving in a new direction. All you can do is be there for her as you have been, and Im sure she will be fine. It will just take time, but the job is a good start.
Cherryblossom
--------------------
cherryblossom
|
Foxie
member
Reged: 09/08/2007
Posts: 3936
Loc: South London
|
|
What wonderful news! so glad to hear it. Something good happening and a chance for your daughter to have a new focus in her life and meet people who didn't know her as part of a couple.
--------------------
Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told "I'm with you kid. Let's go." Maya Angelou
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
