KatieK
member
Reged: 04/08/2008
Posts: 4
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I thought I would ask for others' experiences. We have always brought up our two sons to follow their dreams and this is what they are now doing. My younger son (20)will be leaving shortly to spend a year in the US as part of his degree and my older son (23) is intending to move to the Middle East very soon to work. We are an extremely close family and my husband and I are very proud of their achievements and the fine young men they have become but I feel so sad that they won't be around physically and although I know we will speak regularly I feel life won't be the same. My husband and I are close so that isn't a problem but how do I fill the void when I have always put my children first?
Has anyone been through a similar experience and if so how did it all work out? Your advice would be much appreciated!
Thank you.
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fionad
member
Reged: 06/06/2007
Posts: 231
Loc: Riga, Latvia
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Well done KatieK on bringing up 2 adventurous sons. I joined this forum when my eldest son was about to move to Madrid and was reassured by the many forumers from around the globe that he was only doing what we had brought him up to do - live life to the full. With Skype it is so easy to keep in touch these days, in fact I started my reply to you an hour ago but then my OH called me on Skype so I have only now got round to posting.
Although you will never stop worrying about them, it is now time for you and your husband to put yourselves first, and you are right life won't be the same but you can now reclaim the life you had before your sons were around, or make a new one for you both. In our case, my OH took up a new job in Riga at the beginning of the year and I am moving out to join him at the end of the summer, so life is going to be very different. In fact the company our ES worked for in Madrid folded, so he is now back in the UK, which is slightly ironic I know, but he looks upon his time there as a marvellous experience and he will, I am sure, go back there to live at some point if he can.
Don't think of this stage with negative thoughts, look upon it as a great opportunity, to see new places when you visit them and to have more time for your OH and you to do the things that you always wanted to do but couldn't when the boys were smaller. Be thankful for the lack of the physical presence when it comes to the washing and ironing!
Best wishes
Fiona
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KatieK
member
Reged: 04/08/2008
Posts: 4
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Thank you so much Fiona, you've made me feel better already as I know you're right. I'm so pleased that things have worked out for you and your family and am sure that will be the case for us too! When your message came I was studying the list of evening courses at my local college!! You're right about the washing and ironing too 
I promise to remain positive going forward.
Good luck with the move.
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l1nda
member
Reged: 11/06/2008
Posts: 79
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KatieK, just wanted to reiterate Fiona's very wise post. Couldn't have put it better. Keep on the forum and we will do our best to keep you smiling. Well done for doing a fab job with your boys.!!!!!Linda
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Chickadee
member
Reged: 28/03/2008
Posts: 3322
Loc: South Wales
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Katie, My sons are not overseas, but both live and work a long way from home. We keep in touch by phone, text and email and although I miss them and love it when they come home, I enjoy the relative freedom - I think I'm quite looking forward to when my d. goes too!
I came across a saying the other day that I thought was good -
It's a mother's job to be there for her children when they need her - and to make sure that they grow up so that they don't!
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Snowy1066
member
Reged: 08/07/2008
Posts: 3057
Loc: Southeast
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KatieK, my husband and I left the UK in our 20's in the 1970's and set off for South Africa, then came back for a few years and left again for Houston Texas, all to further my husbands career, which it did! So all I can say, coming from the other foot, is support support support! Go out and visit them, and phone them regularly, and when you do, say you miss them for sure, but tell them how proud you are, and how you respect them for what they are doing.All being well they will come back to the UK and settle down eventually as we did, but they will be all the better for the experience, and for your full support and backing. As tough as it is! My parents came out twice whilst in the US and it was wonderful, to have them and show them the sights. You'll be fine, honest. 
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expatK
member
Reged: 18/01/2008
Posts: 1030
Loc: Frankfurt,Germany
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Katie, I really agree with what others have said. It was slightly different for us, as we were the ones to leave UK- and left daughter behind at uni. I wasn't at all happy about it, but...
It's a period of adjustment, and it takes a while to get used to it, but it is also a great opportunity for you and your OH. And be proud of the way you've brought up great,confident kids!
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amelica2
member
Reged: 21/07/2008
Posts: 1115
Loc: Beds.
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Katie K
I know exactly how you feel. My YS (now aged 29) had always wanted to live and work abroad. He followed his dream and went to Barcelona 4 years ago. He is doing really well and made a good life for himself. He did move out there initially with his girlfriend but they split up 2 years ago. They are both still there, apart, but still friends.
He was at University when his dad and I split up which was very hard for him, but he came through it all and handled it very well.
I long for his visits "home" but dread when he leaves to fly back. There is a void in my life without him, but "speak" to him on MSN regularly.
I am so proud of him. I can feel the tears now......! :-)
amelica2
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kafferlilly
member
Reged: 26/04/2007
Posts: 265
Loc: NORTH WEST
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Katie it is soooooooooo heart breaking when they leave....and you NEVER stop worrying....
BUT, it is wonderful that they have the confidence to leave home and 'do their own thing'....and I have to say that the pease and quite is rather nice......To be able to do the things YOU want to do when YOU want to do them...
It does take time though to adjust to the 'new freedom'. 
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KAFFERLILLY
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Quicksilver
member
Reged: 19/07/2008
Posts: 97
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SKYPE - a free download to use with a webcam....works wonderfully you can even do a conference call and see both sons in different part of the world at the same time. works great my husband, spends hours chatting to us in the evenings when he has to go away for work...4hrs from Japan one eve. My son in Egypt was able to show us his friends and they could see us. you can take pics of what you see to show yours friends. Telephone callls are a 1p a min to anywhere in the world as well. Try it.
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Kind Regards
Jan
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KatieK
member
Reged: 04/08/2008
Posts: 4
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Just wanted to thank you all for your messages of support. It's really heartwarming to have had so many replies and I appreciate your sound advice. I've already invested in skype and am off to buy a webcam shortly. Thanks to you all I'm feeling much more positive about everything now
Karen
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Jayne5
member
Reged: 28/06/2008
Posts: 19
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Hi KatieK
Well done on bringing up two confident sons.
You'll be fine, although it does take some getting used to. Our eldest son joined the army three years ago and is based in London but travels all over the world for months at a time.
Our younger son is negative about his future and feels a failure even though he is doing well and has a great life to look forward to. Just wish he had the courage and get up and go of your two!!
My tip is to make definate plans for when you meet up, visiting as often as possible and keeping n touch every way you can. Then when you are feeling down and lonely you will have positive things to look forward to. There will be a whole load of new experiences to share which may otherwise not have cropped up.
On the home front you and OH will be able to make plans without having too many things getting in the way. Night classes are a great idea, I am learning Spanish and have met lots of new friends. This will fill up many of the empty hours you may have and will give you a great boost, you see.
Lots of look to you and your family and the your future lives.
I loved the quote from Valaber!!
Jayne5
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ValC
member
Reged: 23/09/2007
Posts: 154
Loc: York
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I've been feeling pretty down as my son is married and only lives about 40 mins away but we hardly ever seem to see him. We get on really well with DIL but they seem to spend a lot of time with her M&D. I know this is usual but it still hurts. Should I talk to DIL/son about it?
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saraw
member
Reged: 08/03/2007
Posts: 271
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My youngest daughter decided to leave home and work on a cruise ship, something she had wanted to for a long time. Even though she had been with her boyfriend for 3 years. She is a trained beauty therapist, so to our great expense I went with her to London, from Cornwall for a weekend. She had an interview and was offered a job and excepted. She waited for ship and ended up flying to New Zealand. She phoned us in the middle of the night and said she hated it!! To cut a long story short we ended up paying for her to come home via Australia, she managed 3 weeks!!! She was terribly home sick, and now my OH and I are the ones who left home in the end and moved to France and both my daughters are now home birds in Cornwall. So the moral of the story let them spread their wings, but always tell them that you will be there for them. So if times are bad and they are desperate to come home you will do what we did and get them home. It is now 2 years since this happened and she is still convinced that she did the right thing and came home. My Oh her dad wanted us to leave her to do her 6 month contract, but in the end after tears on the phone in the middle of the night I gave in!! Hope I have not gone on for to long. As for her, she is still with the same boyfriend!!
Sara xxx
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issi
member
Reged: 30/09/2007
Posts: 3011
Loc: Surrey
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Hi ValC. Yes, I would have a word with your son because men particularly leave everything to their wives to organise and it is natural that his wife will organise things with her own parents. She may be a bit thoughtless in not seeing you as much but, think of this, she may not realise that anyone minds - not you, not her husband - if no-one says anything.
I don't have parents to go to anymore but my mother-in-law never invites me to her house, ever, and she lives only two streets away from me. If there is any socialising it is always organised by me, she is extremely passive. The other point I would like to make, and I know it is obvious but still ought to be said, is to be proactive, do the inviting, and make sure food and drink are involved. That way the visit becomes a bit longer and more of a pleasure for those seeing you. I hope this is useful. Maybe others have a different take on it.
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ValC
member
Reged: 23/09/2007
Posts: 154
Loc: York
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Hi Issi
Thanks for this support. I've sent you a pm.
ValC
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