nowcemsi
member
Reged: 24/06/2008
Posts: 93
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well now I am settled into this site, I thought I would tell you my story.
Ready?
Met and married the love of my life, we where married for ten years had one child; I was truly blessed, loved every day and then one day he said he didnt love me anyone, left the following day and well, one nervous breakdown later
I am here to say I survived and if anyone out there needs any help or just someone to listen
Here I am xx
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gyp
member
Reged: 15/04/2008
Posts: 410
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Nowcemsi
Sorry to hear your story but you survived and have become stronger. I haven't been through it but there are so many people in your situation and yes you can help as you've been there and come through.
Good on you girl.
gyp
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issi
member
Reged: 30/09/2007
Posts: 2700
Loc: Surrey
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How terrible Nowcemsi. I read it in just a few sentences but I know how terrible the pain is that you must have gone through. When someone gets out of all this and lives life again then it must help those just going through it. I have been with my OH for 37 years, married for 33. I can pinpoint at least 3 occasions when I desperately wanted to leave (and probably should have gone). Despite this we are still together. Marriage is no picnic.
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emilykate2005
member
Reged: 17/07/2008
Posts: 3
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Post deleted by Pippa_Jackson
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Fuschia
member
Reged: 02/02/2008
Posts: 920
Loc: US
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nowcemsi, that must have been horrific for you, and I'm glad you're able to pull your life together after this.
emilykate- please please know that you would never be punished for making the decision you did. I know how easy it is to slip into the guilt thing, especially when you're in the middle of something like this, but know that you made a decision that was right for you at that particular time in your life. There is no punishment for that.
I'm glad you're clear that you will not give up your children. And yes, there is definitely life after divorce. It might seem now that there is no light at the end of the tunnel but I'm remarried and I know that it's possible to meet someone wonderful. You deserve happiness, and you deserve to have a partner that will treat you with love and respect. Believe it will happen because it is possible.
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anner06
member
Reged: 18/03/2008
Posts: 326
Loc: Northamptonshire
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Emilykate - I don't really know what to say, but felt I had to respond. You have gone through so much on your own and no wonder you feel all alone. This forum is full of lovely women and I am sure there will be someone who can give you wise words and advice.
All I can do is send you a massive hug - I,m sure you need one.
Anne
xx
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lizalou
member
Reged: 01/02/2008
Posts: 328
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Emilykate, I was so sorry to read your post. You made the decision about your pregnancy for the best of reasons, and your subsequent tragic health problems are appalingly bad luck, but in no way deserved.
I am not very good at these sort of posts but hang on in there and I am sure lots of other messages of hope will come to you.
Lots of hugs...
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Kimberley
member
Reged: 14/07/2008
Posts: 451
Loc: KENT
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Emilykate, what an awful four months you have had, I know it is difficult to believe at the moment but things will get better. Although I have not been through all that you have, I have had a similar experience. Don't feel guilty, you did what you thought was best for you and your family.
I suspect your husband is probably very angry and upset with you at the moment, hence why he wants you to leave without the children. Let things calm down and then you may both be able to talk it through and decide what is best for the children. You must try and be strong for the sake of your children.
Take Care
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Lorca
member
Reged: 12/04/2008
Posts: 404
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Emilykate, I'd logged off before I read your post and felt compelled to login again. You've been through so much recently, am sending you huge hug ((((XXXX)))).
On a more practical note, do you have someone close you can talk to??? Try and get some legal advice. Keep your self fit you will need to be strong. Keep posting on here, some wonderful women.
Lots of love Lori
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debenjane
member
Reged: 11/01/2008
Posts: 573
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Emilykate, the title of the post should give you some hope...many, many women on this site have experienced awful moments in their lives and have struggled through and come out the other side. Nowcemsi is proof that the light at the end of the tunnel will shine.
Decsions made alone are really hard to deal with if you have opposition but you made it for all the right reasons and should never feel guilty about it. Your focus now is regaining your health and hanging on to your children. You should stay and live in the family home with them. You do need to see a solicitor to have your rights explained, I managed to divorce my husband on the strength of one, half hour session costing £25. I told the solicitor to speak fast, tell me all the facts and put it in wrting when he sent the bill. He did exactly that and I am very grateful.
Your husband is clearly hurting and angry and may never calm down enough to see why you did what you did, but it's done now and if he says it's over then as I said, you must focus on your health and children.
Many wise women will be on this forum who will undoubtably offer sensible advice and you must never be afraid to ask for help.
Above all - NEVER feel guilty. B strong.
Sending big hug.
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HeadGirl
member
Reged: 11/01/2008
Posts: 1864
Loc: Maidstone, Kent, England
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I had to read this thread, as I really hope that it is true because I am just starting to go through divorce proceedings myself. There are many girls on this forum that have been there and have come out the other side stronger and in many cases, with a better OH than the one they had. Although I can't imagine it at the moment, I hope that maybe one day, I can feel happy again.
Nowcemsi, thank you for starting this thread and giving me hope. I am just starting to come to realise that this is really happening.
Emilykate, please don't feel that you are being punished for the decision you made - it was what was right for you at the time and you did it for the right reasons.
Sending big hugs to everyone who finds themselves in a similar situation tonight.
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wisp1
member
Reged: 14/09/2007
Posts: 107
Loc: Derbyshire
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In spite of the way you may be feeling at the moment there is very definately life after divoice and a good life at that.
It is scary to have to make decisions alone but try and see it as freedom to do what you want in the way you want, you will probably enjoy it once you get used to it.
Never blame yourself for past decisions, you made the best decision you could at the time, we all have decisions we regret but you need to recognise that it was the best way you could cope under those particular circumstances.
Sending hugs to everyone.
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fun_dreamer
member
Reged: 09/06/2008
Posts: 150
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Emilykate
I just had to write to send you lots of love and hugs. I've been divorced for about 20yrs now and I remember back to those dark times waking up at 3am to stark reality, no house, no job, no money or savings, new surroundings - wondering how I would come through it. I was on my own with 2 small children and no family nearby. What pulled me through was support from other women who had been in the same situation- I will never forget them. I hope that the support you are getting on the forum helps in some way((x))
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emilykate2005
member
Reged: 17/07/2008
Posts: 3
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Thank you everyone for your replies. You can't imagine how good it feels to know that other people are there, not judging and willing to offer kind words of advise.
I am trying very hard to stay positive and strong, although this still feels like the hardest trial of my life. I understand when Head Girl said she is just starting to realise that this is really happening as it is very easy to slip into denial and hope that it is a momentary blip. I know deep down that mine is not, that the marriage is over and I now have to pick the pieces of my life back together. How, I still don't know, nor how to cope with the knawing loneliness, fear and despair. I have an image in my mind of me 5 years from now and in that image I look happy and strong and I am clinging to that with all I have.
Again, thank you. I feel this may be a long road and have no idea how long it will take to get to the end of it, but will keep coming back on here to remind myself that others have been through this, survived and gone on to happier lives eventually.
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skippy
member
Reged: 08/01/2008
Posts: 824
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Emilykate - i have only just read this post and feel so sorry for you. Your marriage was over years ago and you have been strong enough to continue in it for the sake of your children, now you must be strong enough for you all to have a life without him.
Get some practical advice from Citezens advice or a solicitor - your husband can not just throw you out.
Headgirl - i had no idea you were going through such a difficult time, i really hope things work out well for you.
There is life after divorce - many of us on here are happily married second time around and now realise what a crap marriage we had first time and are glad to be out of it. Think of this time as a new chapter, a chance to do whatever you want with your life - i wish all you ladies all the best. GROUP HUG!!!
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[ima ge][/image]
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Seahorse16
member
Reged: 08/03/2008
Posts: 25
Loc: South-east England
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Nowcemsi,
I've just read your post and just wanted to cheer you on.
I'm going through this too (seperated for ten months)and, in the very early days just couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's there and thank you (and everyone else who's been through this) for reminding those of us who are going through it, that, actually, we do and can cope - even at 3 a.m. in the morning. 
EmilKate - I didn't get to read your post but I'm sending you a huuuuge hug. Life will get better. Honest.
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OzzieKez
member
Reged: 21/06/2008
Posts: 1070
Loc: Queensland, Australia
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To all of you who are going through dreadful times. We all make bad decisions from time to time and sometimes we make our own situation worse. Didn't get to read your post Emilykate, but I'm thinking that you probably would benefit from seeking professional advice. I reckon it takes about two years to recover from divorce. How well we recover depends on how much effort we put in to our recovery. My mum said, accept all help that is offered and go everywhere that you are invited. It is a time of getting to know yourself and a chance to reinvent yourself.
Its not easy but it sure beats laying down and dying inside.
If I can get through it and come out of it with a better life, anyone can!
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anner06
member
Reged: 18/03/2008
Posts: 326
Loc: Northamptonshire
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Emilykate - you sound more positive today. Get some legal advice - do not let your feelings of guilt result in you making a decision that you will regret in the future. Many solicitors offer a free first consultation or the citizens advice offers free legal advice.
Anyone who has gone through a divorce will say how tough it is. My divorce finally came through about a month ago, but I had been separated for 18 months. The toughest 18 months of my life, going from being a wife and mother who worked because I wanted to, to being a single parent, working because I have to. I think alot of it is realising that the one person you thought you could rely on and had shared so much with was not the person you thought they were. I felt so let down and cheated, but things do get better.
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Tufty
member
Reged: 26/02/2008
Posts: 164
Loc: Hampshire
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My marriage has not been good for a long time.
But it is difficult to make that final move. I am very aware of the children ( although they are not daft and are aware things are not right)
But it is scarey not knowing emotionally what lies ahead if it all comes to an end.
But I wish it was just me and my girls 
It is nice to read of positive outcomes in the end!
Love and best wishes to everyone who is in an 'unhappy place'
x
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lynn123
member
Reged: 29/06/2008
Posts: 137
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Just wanted to say how touching it is to see how many women are there to support eachother in our times of need. x
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