SueatLochLomond
member
Reged: 05/07/2008
Posts: 13
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Help!
Has anyone lived through an experience with a teenage son with an eating disorder? My son is nearly 18 now. Until the age of 15 he led a 'normal' life of friends, school, active social life and a love of sailing. Almost overnight he seemed to change with reports from school worsening and then a marked weight loss until I realised he was over-eating and then making himself ill. When I finally got him to talk about it we went to our local Doctor who referred him for counselling and diet advice. All seemed to go well until after he was 16 and decided he didn't want to go to counselling any longer as it 'made him feel worse'. He's now in his first student flat and about to start higher education and I know he's still in suffering with the eating disorder as when he comes home the pattern is still the same. I've tried so many times talking to him but he just changes the subject or clams up. I feel so helpless, especially since he's now away from home a lot of the time. My husband says I should step back and wait for him to sort things out for himself - is he right?
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debenjane
member
Reged: 11/01/2008
Posts: 579
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I have no experience of this but when my daughter went to uni they had to register with a uni G.P. If your son has had to do this are you able to write discretely to the G.P. and outline your sons history?
Does he look as though the weight is still dropping or is it disguised well.
Maybe stepping back is the right thing but as his mum it is so hard to do. Obviously he knows how concerned you are but you may have to tell him that whilst you are really worried about him you love him trust him to look after himself and do the right thing health wise.
Sending positive thoughts and good wishes. Good luck. Your son is lucky to have you love and care about him.
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Foxie
member
Reged: 09/08/2007
Posts: 3475
Loc: South London
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I have never been in your situation but I just don't think I could step back and wait. Obviously something is seriously wrong, I would just have to do something. Is there a support group for parents of teenagers with eating disorders? This could provide help and advice for both of you.
Good luck, keep posting, I am sure other forumers with more experience will be able to give you advice.
Foxie
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Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told "I'm with you kid. Let's go." Maya Angelou
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marymary
member
Reged: 16/05/2007
Posts: 381
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I have been/am in a similar position with my daughter, although she's still living at home so in a sense it's been easier to deal with. Our experience was that 16-18 year olds fall into a medical gap. They're considered old enough to see a doctor independently and yet aren't old enough to fall under the adult mental health services, whether private or NHS.
I think it's important that you don't just leave him to it because he clearly needs help, but you will need to tread carefully. Perhaps you could get some advice from one of the specialist organisations:
http://www.eating-disorders.org.uk/
http://www.b-eat.co.uk/
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OzzieKez
member
Reged: 21/06/2008
Posts: 1184
Loc: Queensland, Australia
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This is yet another issue that I have with my son Mitch. Apparently marijuana use decreases their appetite to the point where they become ill if they try to eat. This may not your boys problem though, and I don't recall it having that effect in the 70's.
If he has anorexia, which is potentialy serious, it is often linked to feelings of not being in control of one's life. The individual exercises control the only way that they feel they can, by not eating. It can also be linked to body image which is becoming more common in boys.
My advice would be to search the internet for information, knowledge is power. Don't bring it up with him anymore. Buy dietary supplements; such as hospital Sustagen, to have on hand. Naturopaths and homeopaths can be invaluable for an alternative. My experience is that therapy only works if the participant is willing and seeks it out for themselves.
Good luck!
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SueatLochLomond
member
Reged: 05/07/2008
Posts: 13
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Hi Mary
You're so right about the medical age gap - as soon as Ben said he wouldn't go back to the counsellor, I tried to intervene but overnight after his 16th birthday they refused to talk to me about him. I have also tried to alert his new GP but they simply replied saying they couldn't discuss the matter but have 'noted' my comments - went so far as to say they couldn't even raise the issue with him unless he did so himself!
As you say, it's 'tread carefully' - frankly feels like walking on eggshells......
He knows I'm here and he knows I love him so hopefully he will talk to me eventually.. I am texting him each day just to say Hi and update him with any news - trying to meet up with him for lunch once a month too..
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Waveney
member
Reged: 05/04/2007
Posts: 1290
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If I remember rightly from when ES flirted with this B-eat have helplines where experienced counsellors will talk you through your situation and advise what is best to do or not to do.
It may be worth a try.
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