Maire
member
Reged: 23/05/2008
Posts: 27
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Need2know,
Can't stop thinking of you. You must be exhausted with all this. Wish I could give you a big hug. Maire xxx
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need2know
member
Reged: 06/08/2007
Posts: 295
Loc: Tyne and Wear
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Hi ladies, I know I am laying most of the blame at her door, but she did start it by trawling Friends Reunited and contacting my OH. She knew he was in a relationship (just like she did first time round and like she apparently did with another two men into the bargain)so why couldn't she find someone who isn't attached? In my view that does make her a bitch, slut, slag etc etc and anyway calling her that makes me feel better!! My husband deserves a bit of name calling too (don't worry Denzy, I agree!) and believe me he has had some serious ones applied to him,but he is maybe not as much to blame as he is a weak and feeble man and he didn't actually go looking for it. I keep looking at her photo and ask myself:WHY??? If we were able to get our marriage back on track, I think in a weird way I would be grateful to her for shocking us out of the huge rut we were in (well he's still in it actually). I'm really, really grateful for the kind words, thought and hugs you have all been sending my way but please don't worry about me-I'm fine. Worn out by it all, but fine, and more to the point ...have lost 9 pounds!!!!!! Just been out and bought some new clothes and vowed to get into some cream linen trousers before too long! If nothing comes of it at least I know I'm getting back to the old need2know I was! I wish I was coming to the forum knees-up so I could thank you all in person for your support x
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Vicky123
member
Reged: 22/02/2008
Posts: 2143
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Hi need2know. We have been in PM contact as you know, but for the record I totally would continue to call her the biggest slut in the world. I know he is to blame too and probably even more so for being weak but ANYONE, yes ANYONE who enters into a relationship KNOWING there is wife/kids involved is the biggest slut in the world and I hope the slut gets her just desserts. Okay rant over. You are doing marvels - keep it up mate and dont let the b*****d get ya!
All the best
V
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ChrissiFi
member
Reged: 28/06/2006
Posts: 1265
Loc: Somerset
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By now I'd have contacted her OH and told him what she was up to! I can't understand a woman who knowingly goes into a relationship with someone who's attached (or stays in one when they find out). How would they feel if it was their OH who was cheating!!!
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issi
member
Reged: 30/09/2007
Posts: 3011
Loc: Surrey
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Hi needtoknow. As you can see from the amount of pages your dilemma instigated there are a lot of us touched, and relating to, what you have been going through. Is it too soon to ask how things are now that the slut has left the country?
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scarlett
member
Reged: 04/09/2007
Posts: 571
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Issi, was thinking the same, we need an update Need2know, saw some postings yesterday, you seemed OK, are you though. Please let us know. x
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ajs67
member
Reged: 27/06/2008
Posts: 5
Loc: Midlands
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Hi need2know. Do you want to make your husband wake up & smell the coffee? Well, from experience I can tell you one sure way is to act as though your suddenly over him, and that another man may be chasing you. Ask him to meet for a chat to discuss your problems then cancel at the last minute saying your off out. Buy the new clothes, go out dressed up, even if you sit in the car with a magazine for 2 or 3 hours, when you come in it will absolutely kill him to think you may have been out with someone else. Keep your pride, keep your chin up and be strong. What doesnt kill us makes us stonger!
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Sonata
member
Reged: 21/12/2006
Posts: 298
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I think that you need to stop making excuses for him and take the lead now.
You need to be strong, pack his things in a bin bag and take them round to her house, saying "He's all yours! " When confronted with a Fait acompli I bet she runs a mile.
Withdraw any money in joint accounts and open your own.Gather all receipts for items that you have purchased personally.
This wise advice was given to me by someone who was in your position many years ago.You don't think you will ever need it and it can all be reversed if needs be but you need to be one step ahead.He has two women begging him to stay.
Tell him to leave and come back when he decides you are the one he wants. Get your hair cut and coloured, have a manicure and pedicure, take daily exersise in the fresh air and continue on your weight loss programme.
This is the new you and let him see what he is missing.
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need2know
member
Reged: 06/08/2007
Posts: 295
Loc: Tyne and Wear
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Hi everyone, sorry I haven't posted in a while but I thought I was at risk of boring you all to death! I can't explain how the situation is now-it's rather like it never happened. There appears to be no contact going on any more (he's just gone out and said he didn't need to take his phone), we are having quite a nice time together and are being nice to each other. He seems quite happy and I did manage to winkle out of him a few days ago that he thought he had been foolish, but I didn't push it. So...I don't really know what to think. Since I saw her photos I feel loads better as I know what I'm dealing with now. A rich,successful but nasty woman doesn't seem half as threatening now I know she's a Plain Jane! (Incidentally, I had meant to keep it to myself that I'd found photos but I blurted it out one night and he asked me to show him. Of course I was calling her all sorts and said she had the cold, dead eyes of a snake and he just laughed! No sticking up for her or anything! What do you all make of that??)
Jane2008's post on Cosmic Ordering got me thinking so now I'm thinking positive that we will get everything back on track. The slut is now history as far as I'm concerned. It should never have happened, or been allowed to happen, but it did and I've dealt with it. I am continuing to lose weight, feel and look much better, and though I despise the Stepford Wife in me coming out, I am trying to be nice, look nice etc. Just read that all back and I bet you all hate me now!! Seriously though, I'm not shouldering all of the blame and he should never have done it but I can understand how/why he did. I have fought tooth and nail to keep him, and though I feel weak for doing it, maybe he can now appreciate my feelings for him. The only downside (which I have to keep locked away in a little box inside me) is the very sad feeling that deep down he might still wish it was her he was with. I am steering clear for the moment from any deep and meaningful conversations. I feel I will know when the time is right to ask how the land lies.
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scarlett
member
Reged: 04/09/2007
Posts: 571
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Hi Need2know, so glad everything is working out for you, I'm sure that if he didn't want to be with you he would of gone long, long ago, just keep being positive and if being a stepford wife keeps him there, then who cares, do what you have to do. Denzy x
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Venitia
member
Reged: 01/07/2008
Posts: 28
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Hi. In relation to calling the other woman names i think it could be (as well as feeling the names are appropriate to the womans behaviour)because as women we expect some kind of solidarity, loyalty and trust between us and perhaps there is a sense of betrayal when one of 'our sisters' lets us down and acts like the enemy. So then it is all out war from the rest of us.
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Flutterfly
member
Reged: 02/07/2008
Posts: 38
Loc: France
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Hi need2know
I am so glad things seem to have turned a corner for the better. Never feel weak for fighting for what you believe in. Men can be so foolish......
Hold your head up, feel good about yourself, and be the nicest parts of what you have in you, we can all lose sight of the best of ourselves when we are overwhelmed. Maybe this has given you both a chance to refocus on what is important to you. When you do come out the other side of this, I hope you will be closer and stronger together.
Good luck...
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sparkly3
member
Reged: 24/11/2007
Posts: 279
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So glad for you need2know!
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issi
member
Reged: 30/09/2007
Posts: 3011
Loc: Surrey
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Thanks for letting us know what is happening, and you have most definitely not been boring Need2know! I agree with you doing the Stepford Wife bit and how irksome that must feel. He has been caught out trying to leave and now needs you back. He has been a fool and you are too good to him but you want to stay married so you do what is right for you. I hope this makes you strong and self-sufficient. Just a small thought, I know you blame yourself for letting yourself go but I would not let him know that. I don't think men think things through the way we do and it won't be long before he capitalises on that to make you feel guilty somewhere, simply to justify his own stupidity. x x
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ChrissiFi
member
Reged: 28/06/2006
Posts: 1265
Loc: Somerset
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Need2know, I'm so glad he's finally woken up and realised what he'd have lost. Sounds like he was looking for comfort and love and had forgotten he had it right there at home. I hope we've all been of some help over the last few weeks - it could happen to any of us and knowing there's someone there to talk to is very comforting.
Chrissi
x
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Lisafizzy
member
Reged: 11/02/2008
Posts: 2170
Loc: Surrey
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Needtoknow, believe it or not I have only just read through this post (not sure where I have been or how I missed it!) Anyway, I am happy for you that things seem to be getting back on an even keel. I just cannot believe what you have been through and endured over the last few weeks. You are an extremely strong woman and I really admire you for that. I think most of us would have cracked under the strain but you have managed to retain your dignity and hold your head up high! I really hope that you continue to put your marriage back together and that OH realises exactly how much he has to loose. But if for any reason it doesn't work out, at least you will always know that you fought tooth and nail for what is important to you, and that you gave it your absolute all.
Lastly I'd just like to say how totally in awe I am of all the lovely ladies who have contributed to this post with such genuine and heartfelt words of sympathy, love and comfort. It really is incredible that so many people care so much about someone that they have never met, and is extremely humbling. I think that the forum is a really amazing place, and I feel so happy to be part of something so incredibly special. I send you all my love Needtoknow. Lisa. xxx
--------------------
I see the Angel inside the stone, and chip away to release her." Michelangelo.
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xxxSummerxxx
member
Reged: 29/03/2008
Posts: 4375
Loc: Essex
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Lovely words as ever Lisa :-)
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need2know
member
Reged: 06/08/2007
Posts: 295
Loc: Tyne and Wear
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Hey everyone-I thought I had no more tears left and one has just tried to escape after reading Lisafizzy's post! I couldn't have put it better myself. I will always be truly grateful for all of the kindness shown to me, it has really warmed my heart and kept me going through the really dark days.I'm still thinking positive and hopefully soon I might see the light at the end of the tunnel and it's good to know that in the meantime I have you all rooting for me. Thanks a million, ladies and though I'm not really a "gushy" type, I just want to say...I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!
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