mjm
member
Reged: 25/01/2008
Posts: 4166
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New Nudist
Colony
A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he
took off his clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an
erection.
The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, did you call for me?'
The man replied, 'No, what do you mean?'.
She said, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here
that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.'
Smiling, she lead him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down
on a towel eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.
Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities.
He entered the sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him.
'Did you call for me?' asked the hairy man.
'No, what do you mean?' replied the newcomer.
'You must be new..' answered the hairy man, 'It's a rule that if you
fart, it implies that you called for me.'
The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had
his way with the newcomer.
The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was
greeted by a smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help
you?' she asked.
'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee.'
'But, Sir,' she replied, 'you've only been here a few hours.
You haven't had a chance to see all our facilities.'
'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a
month, but I fart 15 times a day. I'm outta here.'
CUCKOO...
Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married.... If
this does not make you laugh out loud, you have lost your sense of humor.
The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls. I told my
husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up
and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed
another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a
quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12
cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my
husband asked me what time I got in, I told him
'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least.
Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo
clock.'
When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed
three times, then said 'oh [****].' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its
throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more,
and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
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Sallykins
member
Reged: 10/04/2007
Posts: 1935
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Absolutely wonderful...mjm...
I hate to admit but I really identify with the 2nd joke x
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Sally x x
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HeadGirl
member
Reged: 11/01/2008
Posts: 1865
Loc: Maidstone, Kent, England
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LOL!!! 
I thought it had been a bit "windy" lately!!!! 
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PLASMO
member
Reged: 13/03/2008
Posts: 2801
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mjm where do you get these jokes from? they were both funny. Plasmo x
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mjm
member
Reged: 25/01/2008
Posts: 4166
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I got it from a RUDE friend Plasmo!!
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Spanishlady
member
Reged: 21/01/2008
Posts: 1212
Loc: Torrevieja Spain
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ha haha
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http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/thecraftfairy/MariaKDTWStransp.gif
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Elsie
member
Reged: 05/01/2008
Posts: 1675
Loc: Scotland
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Brilliant - can definitely relate to joke no.2!
If rude friend has any more jokes, do share!
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lulubells
member
Reged: 13/01/2008
Posts: 463
Loc: Sheffield
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Very funny....sort of jokes my brother rings to tell me 
Made me laugh after a very busy day entertaining 7 kids and their mums....which was great as well.
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AngB
member
Reged: 17/01/2008
Posts: 917
Loc: South Wales
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NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH
A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
'Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more! ..
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.'
The lady can't take this any more,'You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig,' she retorted indignantly. 'In this country. we don't speak aloud in Public places about our sex lives!
'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man. 'Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'.'
£5.00 says you're going to read this again
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To a kitten a mew is as good as a roar!
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mjm
member
Reged: 25/01/2008
Posts: 4166
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Brilliant AngB, I will pass it on to my rude friend!!
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Gemini
member
Reged: 10/03/2008
Posts: 2238
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Both great mjm, but loved the first one more.
Your fiver's in the post Ang!
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wisp1
member
Reged: 14/09/2007
Posts: 107
Loc: Derbyshire
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Great jokes loved the second one especially.
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Jewels
member
Reged: 23/01/2008
Posts: 1341
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LOL   How rude!!!!!
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Peregrine
member
Reged: 04/02/2008
Posts: 2948
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Brilliant mjm
Get your rude friend to tell you some more.
perry
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tigertog
member
Reged: 24/01/2008
Posts: 401
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WHO IS THAT?!
After a long night of making love to his new girlfriend, Fred notices a photo of a man on her bedside table. At first, he really didn't give it much thought; she had never mentioned it so why should he. But after a month or so into the relationship he begins to stress about it; even
imagining the photo is staring at him doing the deed. It was causing
him so much anxiety that he finally decides to ask about it.
"Is this your ex-husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Another boyfriend, then?" he continues.
No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no!!!" she answers.
"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.
"That's me 6 months ago"
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BOOM BOOM!! Hope you liked this one!
TT
x
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debenjane
member
Reged: 11/01/2008
Posts: 577
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Loved them all. Keep'em coming.x
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AngB
member
Reged: 17/01/2008
Posts: 917
Loc: South Wales
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Hope this one is not too ruude!
Why men don't talk to each other in public toilets
The other day I needed to pay a visit, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles.
One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other, one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down.
A voice came from the cubicle next to me: 'Hello mate, how are you doing?'
Although I thought that it was a bit strange, I didn't want to be rude, so I replied 'Not too bad thanks.'
After a short pause, I heard the voice again 'So, what are you up to?'
Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, 'Just having a quick poo... How about yourself?'
The next thing I heard him say was ...... 'Sorry mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some d******d in the cubicle next to me answering
everything I say.
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To a kitten a mew is as good as a roar!
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Peregrine
member
Reged: 04/02/2008
Posts: 2948
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Very funny tigertog and AngB
Keep em coming
perry
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AngB
member
Reged: 17/01/2008
Posts: 917
Loc: South Wales
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Wont we get commented on by some forumers who are t-eed off with us??????
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To a kitten a mew is as good as a roar!
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Peregrine
member
Reged: 04/02/2008
Posts: 2948
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Shouldn't do, there is a warning Ang
perry
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