(member)

22/04/2008 08:10

Ageism in Oxford???????????????????????????????

Several times just lately Floozie and I have had contacts from members who wanted to know the ages of the supper club attendees and when told "disappeared".

To save anyone else the trouble we range from the 30's to the 60's. I am probably the oldest at 64 and I'm not dribbling into my bib yet!!!

(member)

22/04/2008 08:35

Re: Ageism in Oxford???????????????????????????????

Psyche,

we still love you.

Dont despair if I was nearer to you I'd love to go to your supper clubs if only to get a look at all your bags.!!

(member)

22/04/2008 09:16

Re: Ageism in Oxford???????????????????????????????

Would they be the leather kind or the under-eye ones?

(member)

22/04/2008 09:19

Re: Ageism in Oxford???????????????????????????????

Perhaps you are too young for them?

(member)

22/04/2008 09:25

Re: Ageism in Oxford???????????????????????????????

Floozie,
Whatever turns you on. Leather is fine but if we could compare the under eye ones it would be great. Then apart form our age, we would have something very personal in common.
Keep lunching Ladies, one of these days I'll get there.

(member)

22/04/2008 09:32

Re: Ageism in Oxford???????????????????????????????

Ageism rears its ugly head again. I've had the same question when I tried to arrange walking in Edinburgh. I just never answered the question. The nice thing about our Edinburgh Supper Club is that age, status etc. are never raised. We just enjoy each others company for what it is. Age is relative. Last year at 61 I won an age discrimination case against a FTSE 100 company who after interviewing me for a senior position rejected me because I was 'not dynamic enough' - the case was helped by the fact that the interviewer(in his forties) fell asleep twice during the interview! Point to the Saga generation I think.

(member)

22/04/2008 09:54

Re: Ageism in Oxford???????????????????????????????

I've never understood this huge interest in age, which seems to be a predominantly female thing. I've rarely come across men who feel the need to ask another man his age, but women seem to resort to all manner of subterfuge to either hide their age or to find out how old another woman is. What difference does it make? If I want to have someone as a friend, it doesn't matter to me what their age is. If someone wants to know how old I am, I'll tell them - they only have to ask (I'm 60, if you're interested). My youngest close friend has just turned 30 and my oldest (in years) is shortly to be 82. I enjoy their company and age isn't an issue.

Why someone should feel the need to know the ages of the other women who will be present when they have supper with them, I cannot imagine. Surely they could go along to a meeting and if they didn't 'gell' with any of the others, they needn't go again. What's the problem?

Petroushka, well done for taking that company to task and winning. And your Edinburgh Supper Club sounds as if it has got things exactly right. Continue to enjoy each others company.

Psyche, it sounds as if you are better off without the ones who were impertinent and shallow enough to ask this question in the first place!

(member)

22/04/2008 09:57

Re: Ageism in Oxford???????????????????????????????

Well all I can say is that they must be very narrow minded and it is the disapearees who are missing out.

Personally I don't care about age. What matters to me is whether people are interesting and we can have a good conversations and lots of laughs.

No wonder you are annoyed.

(member)

22/04/2008 10:00

Re: Ageism in Oxford???????????????????????????????

Well ladies I would'nt worry too much about the people who are concerned about Ageism on the different forum clubs. Thats their loss.
I would never dream of asking my forum friends their age and just take them as they are. Wonderful funny ladies with great personalities and fantastic sense of humours.

(member)

22/04/2008 10:14

Re: Ageism in Oxford???????????????????????????????

I love costume jewellary, and at the moment in Next they have some fab bracelets and chunky necklaces. I was in there the other day and treated myself to two. When I got to the till to pay for them in a very patronising voice, the assistant said "Are these a present for someone else", I said No, actually there are for me- shock horror, what was I thinking!!!! buying myself some bracelets at 64!!!

Age is a number, we should celebrate it, and if we want to wear something, that is trendy or fashionable as long as we dont look ridiculous I dont know why there is ageism.

We have a new shopping centre here its great, only three floors with plenty of escalators etc, I asked a security guy where a particular store was, he looked at me, and said "Can you cope with stairs", why he thought I might not be able to manage the stairs is a mystery - I suppose he could have just been polite. Plasmo x

(member)

22/04/2008 10:14

Re: Ageism in Oxford???????????????????????????????

What a strange thing to ask Psyche. I like this forum because we are all different and I am sure all different ages although I never think of the ages. I see people as people and not an age. Its their loss.

(member)

22/04/2008 10:20

Re: Ageism in Oxford???????????????????????????????

Perhaps the younger ones are worried that they won't be able to keep up with you.This months magazine issue did feature Lulu and perhaps that should tell them something about the golden oldies.

(member)

22/04/2008 11:01

Re: Ageism in Oxford???????????????????????????????

Hi Psyche and all

I agree with the others, that age really shouldnt be an issue, having said that I have been telling unsuspecting forumers that I will be 40 in June at every opertunity, not because I want to know thier ages in return, but because I think that rather than hide under a rock and cry about the big Four Oh i should celebrate and say - hey do you think I'm grown up yet?! Also possibly because I'm a bit sad and want lots of big birthday wishes when the day comes. My closest friend has just celebrated her 60th, and I hope to make more friends of all ages through the forum. Actually thinking about it not many of my friends are my age, they are all a bit older or quite a lot younger. I do think that as you get older the age gaps cease to be an issue. Maybe those who asked were still girls and hadn't made it to Woman yet! Their loss, I too would come for a supper night with you if i were in the area.

Have a good day

(member)

22/04/2008 11:25

Re: Ageism in Oxford???????????????????????????????

This age thing is beginning to get on my nerves, people are not senile at 60 plus these days.
There is a lady where i work and she is 87 and she would knock spots off a 40yr old!!!!

(member)

22/04/2008 14:17

Re: Ageism in Oxford???????????????????????????????

I have said many times that one of the things i like most about this forum is the mixture of ages and the wisdom and life experiences that comes with it - most of the ladies on here seem to have a very young outlook on life and i am often surprised when they do mention their age. (not that it matters!)

(member)

23/04/2008 09:16

Re: Ageism in Oxford???????????????????????????????

Quote:

Perhaps the younger ones are worried that they won't be able to keep up with you.This months magazine issue did feature Lulu and perhaps that should tell them something about the golden oldies.

Yes very good point. Maybe they should buy a "younger" magazine. Has anyone told them that 60 is the new 40????

(member)

23/04/2008 09:30

Re: Ageism in Oxford???????????????????????????????

A very good friend of mine was 70 yesterday, and she is more active than I am. Her daughter went to school with my daughter and I also have become friends with some of their friends. They keep me young and up to date with what is going on in the world..
I went to a 'festie' with the younger ones a couple of years ago and camped for the week-end, first time in my life. Friends are there to encourage and support you when you need it, and vice versa. Sometimes you need the wisdom that comes with experience and sometimes an outlook that hasn't been rendered cynical by the injustices of life.
Age is not what matters it's attitude that counts.

(member)

23/04/2008 09:59

Re: Ageism in Oxford???????????????????????????????

Quote:

This age thing is beginning to get on my nerves, people are not senile at 60 plus these days.
There is a lady where i work and she is 87 and she would knock spots off a 40yr old!!!!

Perchance I looked at this thread..... and I have to agree with you Susang, this age thing is starting to get on my nerves too!!! Quite heavily in fact!!! I stated as much in the Long Hair? thread under Looks....

So, big deal that someone is 30, 40, 50, 60 or 70 etc!!!! There are very young 70's etc, and very "old" and sedate 30's! I couldn't care less how old someone is, the important thing is the person herself (or himself), the attitude, the mentality, the personality......

(member)

23/04/2008 16:52

Re: Ageism in Oxford???????????????????????????????

What's age got to do with having fun with like minded people? Crazy.

I'm in Oxfordshire so would be interested in your supper club!

BB

(member)

23/04/2008 22:45

Re: Ageism in Oxford???????????????????????????????

Bet that man out shopping with the cat on his back would join you!

(member)

23/04/2008 22:52

Re: Ageism in Oxford???????????????????????????????

Oh For heavens sake what has age got to do with it! People of every age have a contributory factor! Its their loss in my mind they don't know what they are missing.

(member)

24/04/2008 07:35

Re: Ageism in Oxford???????????????????????????????

Hi Beachbabe, I've PM'd you.

P x

(member)

15/05/2008 14:05

Re: Ageism in Oxford???????????????????????????????

I would like to put the cat amongst the pigeons here and tell you why I have previously asked peoples ages.

Personally I have a pretty solitary life and this kind of thing appeals so I can spend time with other people. Ive asked this questions for one reason really and that is I want to tell if I can fit in.

Its the same reason that I like to spend time around people who are in relationships, I feel we are in the same situation and can empathise. Im not married and I dont have kids and often ive spent time around my sister in laws friends with baby talk and things that I cant 100% relate to. For me being left out is a huge self confidence kick in the teeth and I just want to feel I can fit in. Someones age doesnt matter in itself, my mum is very young for her age at 63 but it does give some indication of whether you have the same things in common. I am certainly not ageist and I hope nobody takes this the wrong way.

(member)

15/05/2008 15:55

Re: Ageism in Oxford???????????????????????????????

Hi Fillyfod,
I can understand what you mean as I often feel as if I don't fit in. It is very difficult if you are shy and not very confident just to join in. I always feel that the minute I contribute to a conversation it seems to come to a dead halt. People who have plenty of self-confidence can never understand how it feels not to have any. Luckily I am managing to overcome this by 'pretending' I am full of confidence. I pick a person who I think appears confident in any given situation, then make myself act in the way I think she would. I still don't feel any more confident but it seems I appear more confident, and this seems to change the way people react. Daft I know, but it works. When I confess to people the way I really feel they are always really surprised.

(member)

16/05/2008 08:16

Re: Ageism in Oxford???????????????????????????????

Hi fillyfod, I've calmed down a bit now - must be because I'm going on holiday tomorrow.

For clarification people who come to the Oxford group range in age from 30 upwards. Various professions or none, and the complete mix of single, married, divorced. Some with young children, some with older, some without.

As for confidence I think it just comes with age, I was quite shy up to my 30s,I'm OK in most situations now but there will always be something that throws you. No-one is self confident in every situation all the time.

Next meeting is on 6th June in Bicester (Turkish) but the notice won't be out for a week or so.

Would be nice to see you.

(member)

16/05/2008 10:25

Re: Ageism in Oxford???????????????????????????????

Im glad I wasnt shot down in flames for my comment and thank you for the kind words. I probably dont seem like an unconfident person when people meet me but I joined a new job last year and ive learned that certain groups are not my cup of tea. I used to think I could mix with anyone but here peoples outlook is very different to mine and ive become quite withdrawn. I find I dont want to divulge things about myself to then be judged. Fortunately I work with other offices a lot and they keep me sane and give me a well deserved laugh!

I would love to come to one of your meeting, you sound like lovely ladies, but im actually down in Kent. I was being nosey participating in your debate ;-)

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