Debbie, so glad to hear you've made a start. However, clearly a long way to go yet!

You have a freeloader on your hands, and no mistake (and so do a lot of other mums here, sadly!).

Couple of things - tell her, and tell her again, and tell her you've told her (then tell her once a week hereafter!) that, on her l8th birthday, you are changing the locks on the house, and that's that. Book the locksmith now for the day after her l8th birthday. Doesn't matter whether she's inside the house or not - once she goes out, she doesn't come back in. You have the keys, and you KEEP them on you - pin them to your bra in the daytime, and sleep with them under your pillow. The spare set goes to a friend. Your daughter doesn't get them. Once she is out that door, the next time she arrives it will be as a guest only.

I find it JAW-DROPPING that she had the gall to tell you she's not moving out! Incredible cheek!

Secondly, sell the second car, now. Just take it down to a used car merchant, and take a cash offer, and put it in your bank account. Use the cash to repay the loan, and keep whatever is left, if anything .That's it. If she wants another car, she finances it herself.

Bluntly, she is trying it on! It's blatantly obvious that what she's doing, and the next step on her part wil lbe to try and paint herself as the injured martyr with the monster mum! Don't buy it. Stay firm, hold the line. She says she'll get mates to buy her drinks - yeah, right....for a few days I'm sure they will. Then they'll ge fed up of her freeloading off them. And mates won't pussy-ffot around her like mums do! They'll tell her to shove off and buy her own!

If she does start to wise up, and realise she can't bully you any more (as that is what she is doing), and does start to pull her weight, eg, by doing the laundry as you said she made a start at, it might be best not to do a 'job swap' deal with her - ie, you do some work around the house for her (eg, tidy her room) in exchange for her helping you. Instead, continue to not enter her room (and anything of hers that's lying around the house goes into her room)(or a black bin bag that's kept in your room - locked wardrobe - and stuff is only retrievable on the payment of a one pound fine per item!)(money can go to charity if necessary).

For work she does, pay her. The minimum wage is, I think, something like Ł4.50 an hour (she'll know, believe me! Which is exactly why she doesn't want to work!), so pay her that on a strict time basis (IF it's productive time that is!). That will help her realise the value of her labour, and it will also stop her 'inflating' the worth of what she's doing (Her: "I hoovered the house last week for half an hour so I don't have to do anythign else for a month now....")

Finally, my key point is this - we all, as parents, feel for some logically absurd reason 'guilty' when we make our teens behave as adults, instead os as children. So we end up with a situation where they want the privileges of adulthood, without its reponsibilities.

But one of our KEY responsibilities as parents is to turn teens into adults, and that means making them accept their responsibilities. Of course they won't if they can get away with it! (remember, I'm the one whose brother and SIL have a 27 year old daughter who has no qualifiications, no money, no job, nothing!)(in her favour, she DOES do a LOT of work around the house, so she is not a lost cause!)

All the best to all of you, and BOY am I learning what mistakes not to make with my own son when he gets to that age! (And BOY do I not want to come back here and eat humble pie saying 'er, you remember I gave you all that good advice about how to stop your teen turning into a freeloader, wellllll,..........) !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Julie.