Please, please, please phone the NSPCC straight away, and tell them your children have been phsyically attacked by your violent husband. Or phone the police.

The NSPCC have a helpline on 0808 800 5000 which you can phone straight away. Look up their website on www.nspcc.org.uk and their 'what to do if a child is at risk of violence' page is on http://www.nspcc.org.uk/helpandadvice/wh...y_wda36110.html

Please also, right now, the moment you read this, phone Refuge, the organisation that protects women from domestic violence. It's on
http://www.refuge.org.uk/

0808 2000 247

Your children need protection, and so do you

Remember, you don't have to give your name or address unless you want to, but both the NSPCC and Refuge will help you decide what you want to do, and tell you what needs to happen to protect your children

I'm very glad your husband is now out of the house, and 130 miles away. You have a breathing space for the moment, and it's essential you use it to protect your children and yourself from this dangerous man.

Firstly, can your older son (how old is he, and is he your husband's son, or stepson - if the latter, all the better) come and stay with you for the time being?. It's great that he was able to protect you by getting your husband to leave, so it seems that your husband can't bully or dare not attack him, which is excellent.

What you do NOT want is your husband returning home, and everything starting all over again, and getting worse (if this is the first time he's hit you l5 year old it won't be the last - he's stepped over a line now, and will do it again.)

What I would recommend is this - either change the locks, right now, today, on your house, or put internal bolts on the front and back door. That way you can, literally, keep your husband from coming back in. (Don't worry about legal rights etc at this stage - you have enough evidence to sue for divorce let alone see him criminally prosecuted! YOU are the victim here, and your children - HE is the criminal!)

Secondly, is there any way you can stay with your older son, to get you all out of this house? You need not do it until and unless your violent husband tries to get back in, but it would be good if you had a bolt-hole to go to, with someone who your husband can't bully and threaten. I would say even if you do go to your son, please change the locks on the house anyway so your husband can't get back in again with his keys.

Ok, that's all the 'emergency stuff'.

Now the personal bit - Laney, you are NOT a bad wife! In fact, you're a saint to have put up with a rotten husband this long. Put it bluntly - if he loved you he wouldn't be horrible to you and your childrne, let alone yell at you and be violent towards you. When someone is constantly being criticised, as you have been - moaned at and complained to all the time - they (this means YOU!) start to think 'well, he must be right, I am useless, a bad wife, etc etc'. This is NOT true. If he looked in the mirror properly he'd see the truth - HE is the 'bad husband'!

No, of COURSE you can't put up with his behaviour any more. Enough is enough. Now that he has attacked your son (l5 is still legally a child remember!), and been violent and abusive in front of a little five year old, it is absolutely and totally not on. He can't do this. End of story.

Yes, you may love him, but right now he doesn't deserve your love. He can earn it back, yes, and I hope that he can get counselling to control his anger, and not take his frustrating and fury out on you. Anger and violence becomes a habit, and you can get addicted to it just like anything else. But you can get free of the addiction.

It could well, well be that once he has sorted himself out, and realises that he will not have a family until he can be a good husband and a good dad/stepdad, he will have the will power to get help for himself.

But it's up to him.

This is what Refuge says on its webpage:

"The abuse is not your fault. You can't make a man hit you - it's his choice and only he is responsible.
You cannot change your partner. He must accept responsibility for his behaviour."

It also says:

"Domestic violence is against the law. The police can offer you protection and help you find safe accommodation. If you are in danger call 999 - the police have a duty to investigate and charge"

Finally, do you have any other family, or friends in the real world (you have friends here, be in no doubt about that!). Do please phone them straight away and tell them what has happened - tell them you are scared and worried and have had it up to here with your husband.

The fact that he has gone is a great great opportunity to get this situation sorted out, once and for all.

You can have a happy life ahead of you - you deserve it, we all do. None of us deserve to be yelled at or hit or moaned at, or put up with other people's bad temper (like they say 'Keep your temper - no body wants it!").

And if your husband is prepared to do his bit, and mend his ways (for EVER, not just be remorseful for a week or two and then go back to his old ways), then it's possible to have a happy marriage again too, and a happy family.

Remember - we get the treatment we put up with.

So, don't put up with treatment you don't like. You do NOT deserve to be treated like a doormat.

I know it's scary to make that first call, but please please do so, for your children's sake.

Please send me a private message if it helps. I'll send one to you first, to start off.

You've got this morning ahead of you, and you can really start to get this mess sorted out, and a better life ahead of you.

Take care of yourself, and your children - best, Julie.