Hi Maddy

Well first off, you'll find lots of supportive people on this site, so I hope you find some advice that fits.

It's been pointed out that he has told you that he sees this woman, so he's been upfront. I presume he mentioned it out of the blue so to speak rather than you noticing something odd in his routine and questioning him.

On the other hand, I'm a real believer in women's intuition. My O/H worked 180 miles away a few years ago and after a few years of that, something niggled away, something not quite right, my woman's intuition was telling me that something was wrong and as it turned out it was right. I don't know how your O/H reacts, but I knew mine would not admit to anything if I didn't actually know hard facts. It would just be too easy for him to say he was being good and it was in my imagination.

This is already out there in the 'Bunny Boiler' post, so I don't mind repeating it. I had to know for sure; I was only torturing myself. As you say when they work away a long distance it is very difficult. I'm not suggesting that what I did is for you, in these situations, you can only do what feels right for you. I eventually found out from someone else that he was seeing someone, but obviously couldn't drop the other person in it. I found out all sorts through various means that enabled me to confront him. It got messy and he was still coming home, but there was so much I didn't know about my future, where I stood with him, etc etc. So, I guessed that he would want to talk to her at the weekend. Did the usual sneaked a peek at his mobile and could see nothing amiss, but because the intuition was so strong, I bought myself 3 dictaphones (no bigger than a small mobile) left one in the front bedroom, one in the dining room at the front of the house and one in the living room. I'd then say I was going out for whatever reason, say shopping/coffee with a friend for an hour, knowing that if he there was someone to ring, he would use that time when he knew I wasn't around. It worked. Once I left the house he'd ring her (from a mobile I didn't know he had at the time and say that I'd gone out for x amount of time). I only heard his side of the conversation, but that was sufficient. If I had thought of thedictaphones at the start of my worries, I would have used them then as it would have been easier and cheaper!

I know some people will think that's wrong but I never regretted it. It gave me the answers I needed at the time and helped prevent me from losing my business and home.

Ultimately it all panned out and we got back together and four years later I don't really think about it unless the subject crops up amongst other people.

I sincerely hope that it is all innocent as it may be. And as I said, I was just saying what I did - it's up to you what you do with any of the advice you get on here from anyone. If you feel lonely or need suggestions, plenty of people have been in this type of situation, so log on. If you want to send a message, I'm happy to reply as I know how confusing the thoughts can be.

All the best and take care of yourself.

And you're not a bad person for wondering if.