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mygirl
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(member)
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15/09/2008 10:15
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Daughters problems
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Hi all. Seems ages since I have been on to the forum. My daughter came back home several months ago as her partner had gone to Australia for 2 years and she transferred her job to London and decided to come home for the company. She has not lived home with us for 8 years so it has taken a bit of getting used to. She is fairly headstrong and at 26 thinks she knows everything!! During the last 3 months things had turned a bit sour with her long distant relationship. She was constantly upset and spent hours talking about it.I, like a mother would, listened and gave advice, despite it draining all my energy and taking over most of my evenings. She has just returned from a break in cornwall with her partner where she had decided she would end the relationship. However, when she returned yesterday it was all sweetness again and its full on and she is planning to go to Australia for a year next year to be with him. He has changed from staying 2 years to 3 and this was alot of the problem. I am more than happy for her to go as she has to follow her heart but I just dont understand how he has changed all this in a wk when he had more or less been pushing her away for all those months, sometimes not even making time to ring her. Oh god I let it all out and behaved rather like a child as I felt so hurt by her attitude. I love her dearly but sometimes I feel she rides rough shot over my feelings and only thinks of herself. Am I being too harsh? My husband is so much more layed back and doesn't get involved in her relationships!! I know you will all be thinking "get a life" and I had got myself sorted but now she is home again it feels like I am back to square one. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciatted. Didn't get much shut eye last night. She,however, tells me she slept like a log!!. Thanks for listening. Take care.xx
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Re: Daughters problems
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Mygirl,
I do not have any advice as such but i suspect its the Rejection that is causing your Daughter to make choices she would not normally make..
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chilla
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(member)
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15/09/2008 12:11
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Re: Daughters problems
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Don't think get a life at all! Your her mother, worrying about her is what you do.
Unfortunately grown-up children go their own way and there's nothing you can really do but stand back and be around when you are needed. We all make mistakes and one way or another, end up wiser and stronger in the end, part of life's rich tapestry and all that. As to why she has changed her mind - well when did love make any sense whatsoever. Maybe the seperation has ended up bringing them closer together.
Try not to worry too much, she has to live her own life.
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Re: Daughters problems
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Hi mygirl,I stopped worrying over things that I had no control over a long time ago and have been a lot happier since then! With children they have to make their own decisions and mistakes and as Mums we need to be there to help and pick up the pieces if the decisions were the wrong ones. No point having any more sleepless nights over it all, just be supportive and let nature take its course.
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issi
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(member)
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15/09/2008 17:11
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Re: Daughters problems
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You have a life Mygirl. Send your daughter off with a good heart and tell her that she comes back if it does not work out. She is in the throes of putting her life in some kind of long-term order and this is a very selfish time, as I remember when I did it!
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Re: Daughters problems
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Mygirl,
Whereabouts in Oz will they be based? I wonder if he has convinced her to come over here because he is so happy here!
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Foxie
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(member)
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16/09/2008 17:23
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Re: Daughters problems
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Just a reminder that although she will always be your baby, your daughter is a woman of 26 and has been an adult for 8 years. Let her make her own decisions and choices, no matter what your feelings are. This may sound harsh, but let her go and be happy for her.
Foxie x.
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Re: Daughters problems
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my daughters drive me crazy when i am with them they no every thing i no nothing, they can reduce my confident self to a blob, a few oceans between mothers and daughters can sometimes be a blessing.
Take care stellax
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mygirl
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(member)
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18/09/2008 09:34
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Re: Daughters problems
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Thanks everyone for the advice. Having read all your commments I have calmed down and been able to be a bit more logical about it. Not easy!! I so agree with you Stella. They can make you feel the best and they can turn it around and make you feel like nothing. Maybe this would be a good thing for us both. You never appreciate something until you are away from it. She is going to Sydney by the way. I beleive it is lovely there and warm!! Thanks again all of you. You have been a great support. Will keep you posted .
Take care
xxx
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Re: Daughters problems
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Sydney is a wonderful city, mygirl. I think she'll be very happy there. Which suburb will she be living in? Where will she work?
I know it's hard, but she'll be fine, we'll look after her!!! lol~!
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Re: Daughters problems
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OH's has an aunt and cousins in Sydney. They seem to have a wonderful life - the family home is on the hillside overlooking the harbour and from the photos we've seen it's a beautiful place to be. They've also got a beach house up the coast. What a lifestyle!
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