(member)

12/09/2008 21:07

Teenage children and their ...raging hormones !

Hello, This is the first time I have done this! I was hoping
someone out there had any ideas regarding teenage kids and
their ranging hormones, especially boys !!! Got 1 of 16 who
says he knows he's not "wired up the same" and is determined
to label himself although he really hasn't had much chance to meet any girl who he might like, ie girlfriend. I am sure
he just hasn't met any girl he cares for etc but he seems
determinded to label himself at 16. He has just had 2 years
of hard GCSE work and is at a all boys school. So am I worrying over it all ? Do you think this is just a phase?
I just want him to give himself a chance after all he is only 16. Any ides/advice is welcome since I have also got to
go through it again with my daughter ....hormones, who needs
them !!

(member)

12/09/2008 21:19

Re: Teenage children and their ...raging hormones !

Yes, hormones have got a LOT to answer for. Can't help you on the boy front, I'm afraid (I've got girls), but just wanted to welcome you to the forum. I'm sure some of the mums of boys will reply.

(member)

12/09/2008 21:45

Re: Teenage children and their ...raging hormones !

I cant help much either...but welcome to the forum!!

(member)

12/09/2008 22:19

Re: Teenage children and their ...raging hormones !

My son is 18 and off to Uni. next week. But we have been through tough times with him. He has always been different, long hair baggy clothes, he likes to be different. Getting info out of him is like getting blood out of a stone. 2 years ago we went through a very bad time with him. Completely uncommunicative,bad tempered, sulky etc. Then all of a sudden things changed. He got a part time job, so he was out mixing with different people, and earning his own money. then surprise surprise he got a girlfriend! She has been good for him, she is a lovely girl, and I know they are dreading next when he is off to uni. Through all the bad times with him I just kept calm and kept talking to him. Reassuring him that eventually things do get better. Not out of the woods yet, but hopefully half way through. Pm me if you get to the end of your tether with him, you are not alone!

(member)

12/09/2008 22:45

Re: Teenage children and their ...raging hormones !

Hi Philippa Jane and welcome to the Forum.

It might be that your son is covering up for the fact that he doesn't have a GF, it might be that he finds it easier to get on with boys than girls - try to stay relaxed. He's your son and you love him, however he is. If you try to talk him out of it, it becomes an issue to rebel over and he might argue himself into a corner.

One of my best friends has a d. who was quite sure she was gay when she was 16,and was "going out" with another girl. She is in her early 20s now and has a very steady boyfriend. Give him time - and take some deep breaths, while keeping a quiet unobtrusive eye on him. And remember that the problem with raging teenage hormones is that they frequently occur at the same time as raging maternal hormones, which makes it all that much more difficult.

If it's any consolation, when my ES was that age, he was almost intolerable. He is now charming, considerate, kind and very well-behaved.

So hard parenting teenagers isn't it! You've come to a good place for listening ears and support - I'm sure there will be some helpful ideas for you from the forum girls.

(member)

13/09/2008 05:34

Re: Teenage children and their ...raging hormones !

Phillipa Jane,
Welcome. There are far worse things in life than being gay! Some people know as children, really love him, accept him and let him grow. If you really have issues with this you could contact PAFGL -Parents and Friends of Gays and Lesbians. They will help you!
Take care

(member)

13/09/2008 05:37

Re: Teenage children and their ...raging hormones !

Sorry, not sure I have that name right - but it's something similar!

(member)

13/09/2008 06:04

Re: Teenage children and their ...raging hormones !

Hi philippajane and welcome to the forum

Your son is still very young, give him some space and time see what happens. My son went through a non communicating stage, grunts etc. There was a wonderful post linked to YouTube some time ago and it featured a teenage boy and his mother having a conversation which was one sided to say the least! All conversation from mother and just grunts from son. So funny and so true to life.

He will come through. I truly think it is much more pressured being a teenager nowadays. If your son is gay, I agree with OzzieKez it is not the end of the world.

Keeping posting. Take care.
Foxie

(member)

13/09/2008 17:24

Re: Teenage children and their ...raging hormones !

Hi philippajane and welcome to the forum

Having had 2 boys (now adults) I couldn't help myself from asking question after question - the replies were the "no" "don't know" answers. In the end my OH said "look you're got 3 questions, choose them carefully". Good advice.

At least he's talking about it and although it might be a phase, just keeping the communication going. And like everyone has said it's not the end of the world.

gyp

(member)

13/09/2008 18:48

Re: Teenage children and their ...raging hormones !

Meant to say last night, just keep loving him. I love my different,difficult frustrating son. I could not agree more with Gyp, choose your questions, do not bombard him. I am going through the menopause, so I can beat my son on the hormone front LOL.

(member)

14/09/2008 11:06

Re: Teenage children and their ...raging hormones !

Hi Philipa jane. I have 2 teenage sons, neither of whom have girlfriends, and a daughter of 20 who has had a girlfriend for the last 3 years although she insists she isn't gay. I think you just have to give him the respect to know his own mind and feelings or you risk him closing off. What would you have thought at his age if your parents told you that what you felt wasn't real? With my daughter I've just accepted her as she is and hoped inside that it was just a phase but I would never dream of saying that to her, we just wait and see. I remember at the start we worried that if we accepted her somehow we would 'make it so' if you know what I mean. Your son is confiding in you which is great when the usual answer is a grunt!

(member)

14/09/2008 18:38

Re: Teenage children and their ...raging hormones !

As a mum of two smashing lads (35 and 31 now - both married with their own families) I can completely go along with all the other ladies here.

When my two were the dreaded teeenagers they were just the same, uncommunicative and then only in grunts, very hormonal and of course WE KNEW NOTHING !!!!! WE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND!!!! etc. But.....they really DO grow out of it and get a whole lot better.

Do you think your lad is maybe trying to "shock" you, maybe trying to be "different"---so hard to tell with the youngsters of today --- . I read somewhere (maybe on the forum) that boys should be deep frozen between the ages of 14 and 21!!!) now there's a thought!

Good luck phillipajane with your lad

Marsha

(member)

09/10/2008 13:29

Re: Teenage children and their ...raging hormones !

Hmm deep frozen between the age of 14 and 21 - now that's a fantastic idea!

My eldest is just coming up to 13 and last year they did sex education at school. He came home from school and told me "not to be worried or bothered about my attitude - it's because I'm now an adolescent and am having hormone issues" - that was about 18 months ago and I've had nothing BUT attitude since!! He's not a bad kid though, I've seen much much worse but reading all these stories it sounds like the worst is still to come!!

Can't help you on your problem hun but there's really nothing you can do but wait and be supportive at whichever way he wishes to go.

(member)

09/10/2008 14:00

Re: Teenage children and their ...raging hormones !

Whether your son decides he likes girls, boys or even both he's still your son and no matter what that won't change.

One of my school friends knew he was never going to be happy with a girlfriend when he was thirteen or fourteen (he had lots of friends who happened to be girls, just couldn't see them as ever being anything more and fancied the same boys as we all did), another friend knew since before puberty that he should really be a she but tried very hard to live the life that was expected of him (a few years ago he had the strength to become she and is so much happier). They were certain of how they felt from a very early age.

What I'm trying to say is to respect what your son says and let him know that you believe him and that it's ok with you, doesn't change how you feel about him etc. It's probably taken a lot for him to tell you how he feels so I'd just be very careful never to suggest he'll grow out of it, that it's just a phase etc as he needs to know that whatever is right for him is ok with you. I think it's best to just assure him that it's the person he chooses to be with that matters not their gender.

(member)

09/10/2008 17:59

Re: Teenage children and their ...raging hormones !

Chrissi what an intelligent post. having quite a few gay friends myself, male and female what you have said is so important. I know that teenagers can be confused, but I honestly think saying.you will grow out of it is the worst thing you can say.

I would like to ask if you would have a problem if your son is homosexual, as how you handle this if he is can have a long lasting profound effect on him. If he has opened up to you like this, it will have taken lot for him to do that.
Some of my friends are still a little screwed up by how their parents handled their attempts to "come out" and it can be quite saddening to hear their pain.
My daughterof 18 has a male friend who is gay, who tried to open up such a conversation with his parents by subtle remarks,they made it clear they were homophobic, so now at 18 he has to live a lie. He comes to talk to me and I just feel so sad, as he is a bright intelligent hard working young man , who I feel will achieve a lot in life, but will never feel complete because of his parents. Sorry if i have waffled, just hate to think of a young person going through inner turmoil.

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