| lavender99 |
| (member) |
| 18/08/2008 08:15 |
elderly parent dilemma
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Would really appreciate some advice re 80 year old widowed mother. Mum has Alzheimers but with family support and the use of medication(Aricept) still lives in her own flat. I am one of 3 sisters one of who (like me) lives near mum. The dilemma - my younger sister who has recently moved to southern France would very much like Mum to go and stay with her for a couple of weeks. At face value this seems like a lovely opportunity for her and I feel like a killjoy undermining the idea but I have real concerns. Firstly I dont think Mum understands just how long the journey is (travelling by train as plane is not an option) and I am concerned at affect on her health - she has had heart attacks, DVT's and a variety of ongoing minor ailments. MOre importantly I am concerned that after 2 or more weeks away she will lose what remaining reoutines she has and lose her independance. Local sister consuslted GP during mums last check up - he say's this is family decision so she is now sat squarely on fence. Sister in France still in denial over Mum's diagnosis of Alzheimers and thinks I am worrying over nothing. Am losing sleep over this - am I overreacting?
Janey
| Moco |
| (member) |
| 18/08/2008 10:15 |
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Re: elderly parent dilemma
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I think you should let her go with as much support yuo can muster and have a break yourselves!
| Gilly_B |
| (member) |
| 18/08/2008 11:58 |
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Re: elderly parent dilemma
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I've got one of those too. In fact I have just put him on a bus from Exeter to Reading where he will have a few days with my sister. It is really, really important to let someone else 'take the strain' for a few days. My Dad would simply hate to be thought of as 'a burden' but sometimes that is how it feels, and these next four days I am mentally free. I know that France is a slightly different thing to Reading - no Eiffel Tower for a start - but sometimes you have to do what is right for YOU for a while.
Gillyb.
| Snowy1066 |
| (member) |
| 18/08/2008 12:24 |
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Re: elderly parent dilemma
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Hi Lavender, This is obviously very worrying for you. But I do have to agree with the other girls, that maybe you should think about yourself, and let her go, so that you can have some time to boost your system so you can continue caring for her on her return.
It may be the last time she gets to do something like this, and as you say she is in early stages of Alzheimers so its not going to get any easier. Get all the support organised to get her there, if you can and let her go. May be your sister will realise that you haven't got things wrong and be more supportive in future too.
Good luck Lavender as it is a difficult decision. Whatever you choose will be the right decision.
| ChrissiFi |
| (member) |
| 18/08/2008 13:11 |
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Re: elderly parent dilemma
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Janey, you're not over-reacting but I agree with the others. You need to let your mother visit your sister for two reasons - firstly you need time for yourself while you can get it (let your sister do the worrying for a while) and secondly your sister will then understand what you've been telling her. I know making the decision won't be easy but if your mother really wants to go then it's probably best to find a way to do it.
Good luck...
| debenjane |
| (member) |
| 18/08/2008 13:58 |
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Re: elderly parent dilemma
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I agree with the above.However I asked my mum to come from Kent to Suffolk last Christmas and though she is mentaly capable it did disorientate her for a few days. She was staying down the road at a friends empty cottage with my brother and his family who also joined us. I cannot stress just what a relief it was to hand over mums care to my brother for a week. He realised how much help she needs and how much pain she is in with her arthritis. I got to see mum, enjoy Christmas and relax.
Once back in her own home she was rested, recharged and absolutley fine. It did us all good.
SO... despite your worries ( and I appreciate you mum has health issues that are very different to my mums ) I think it is worthwhile for her to go if that's what she wants to do.
Give yourself a break. Hope all goes well.
| Daisycat |
| (member) |
| 18/08/2008 15:46 |
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Re: elderly parent dilemma
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I have a friend going through similar. Been told not to remove the parent from normal routine as this causes disorientation problems, to the extent that it has now been strongly suggested that they don't take parent out for the day or lunches.
It is a very distressing illness for all concerned. I had a family member with this and it was very hard for the close relatives to come to terms with the good and bad days. I believe your sister needs to come over here and spend time with your mum, that way she will be able to see to what extent your mum is affected.
| Jules45 |
| (member) |
| 18/08/2008 21:45 |
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Re: elderly parent dilemma
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No expert on this illnes but is there a middle way, ie could your sister come over and escort your mum back to France to stay. That way it would give you time to have a break and, it would also give your sister first hand experience of just how affected your mum is.
| Foxie |
| (member) |
| 18/08/2008 22:37 |
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Re: elderly parent dilemma
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Let your mother go. It maybe in the future she will be unable to make the journey and you don't want to feel you were the obstacle preventing your mother and sister spending time together.
The break will do you good and it will be a change for your mum too. France is not the other side of the moon and if there was an emergency you would be able to get there within 24 hours. Don't feel guilty about this.
| beckybrox |
| (member) |
| 19/08/2008 20:05 |
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Re: elderly parent dilemma
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I agree 100% with Daisycat.