(member)

15/08/2008 15:31

Adult children, living at home, do they contribute financially ?

I have 3 grown-up daughters ages 25, 20, 18. The youngest is off to uni next month so we will be helping her financially. The other two are both in full -time employment and live here for free. I think that they should contribute financially to the household, OH disagrees saying that you're only young once and should enjoy yourself when you can. When I've asked them for 'board and lodgings' money they say that they can't afford it and go running to Daddy. What do you other ladies do about this ??

(member)

15/08/2008 15:41

Re: Adult children, living at home, do they contribute financially ?

Hi Ya,

My Children are 18 and 19 and both work,im a great believer in letting them enjoy life however i really feel they need to learn to budget as hopefully they will have their own home oneday ( not for at least ten years if i have my way
;-) LOL

(member)

15/08/2008 15:44

Re: Adult children, living at home, do they contribute financially ?

When I got my first job in the mid '80s my parents said my first wage was mine and from then on I needed to contribute. I think I was taking home around Ł390 a month and paid Ł20 housekeeping a week (my brother paid Ł25 but he took a packed lunch and didn't help around the house whereas I helped out and had lunch in the office canteen). This helped me to realise that I had to work to a budget and that living expenses had to be my first priority, followed by transport to work, clothes for work, pension and a small amount for savings. Any money left after all the essentials were taken out was spending money for other clothes, nights out etc.

(member)

15/08/2008 15:49

Re: Adult children, living at home, do they contribute financially ?

I will definitely be asking my children to contribute when they are working full time, my son is currently at uni, stepson has a year out between college, although is working, we decided not to make him contribute as he is saving to help fund his college course, daughter is unemployed at the moment but once she gets a job, will be asking for some money, however, will probably let her have a couple of months of enjoying having some money.

(member)

15/08/2008 15:54

Re: Adult children, living at home, do they contribute financially ?

Hi Beckybrox

I was expected to pay housekeeping from the moment I got a job at the age of 16, I didn't leave home until I was 30 and the only time I was ever let off was the month before I finally went, when I used my house keeping money to pay the solicitors bill for the conveyencing. I never expected my parents to keep me for free once I was working. I always felt that it was unfair to expect my parents to keep working so that I could go out and about with no money worries. My 16 year old neice pays her mum Ł20 a week towards her board and lodging and she only earns Ł80 a week as an apprentice hairdresser.

Unless your girls are saving substaintial amounts of money towards their own homes, how will they ever cope when they leave home and have to pay rent? They won't know how to budget and won't understand the need to proiritise paying the bills before splashing out on a night out or a handbag or whatever. I really don't think that your husband is doing them any favours by spoiling them in this way.

Maybe, if you feel that strongly, you should point out that the alternative is leaving home, paying a proper rent or mortgage, all the bills, their food and if they are lucky enough to have any cash they might be able to afford a drink at the weekend. You could or ask them to do some reearch to find out how much living away from home would cost them. You could also work out how much your bills, mortgage and groceries come to and show it to them, it may shock them (and your husband) into being a little more realistic.

Just my opinion, I'm sure that you will get others!

(member)

15/08/2008 15:54

Re: Adult children, living at home, do they contribute financially ?

My brother in law always says to me that it is a fine balance between charging them so little that they are too comfortable to move out and charging them so much that they can't afford to save up for a deposit on a flat!!

He loves his children (only one of two left at home) but can't wait to get his wife to himself again. I think that is really romantic and lovely after over 30 years of marriage...xx

(member)

15/08/2008 16:00

Re: Adult children, living at home, do they contribute financially ?

We supported both our children through university and now they are both in full time employment. Our daughter actually earns more than OH & me put together!

My son is 28 and has been living at home again since he graduated in 2001 (apart from a spell travelling). He does contribute to the household, even though we don't charge much! He used to pay cash and kept forgetting, so now he has set up a weekly direct debit. He's able to save a lot, because it would cost him far more to live on his own. We live in an area where there are lots of second homes and holiday lets, which makes it very difficult for young people to get on the housing ladder. I feel we're still helping him.

My daughter, her partner and our grandson lived with us temporarily when they moved from Oldham. She insisted on contributing to household expenses.

I don't think you do your children any favours by cossetting them too much - one day they're going to be living independently and need to have some idea of the cost of living, budgeting etc.

Beckybrox, I definitely think your 2 older daughters should be paying something, even if its a token amount. Stick to your guns!

(member)

15/08/2008 16:50

Re: Adult children, living at home, do they contribute financially ?

They ought to contribute financially.

But they ought to contribute to the running of the house too. There's no reason that they can't do some cooking, washing, ironing, housework. If they live in the house, they should help clean it. My daughter was responsible for cleaning the bathroom (well she used it most)

..wispa

(member)

15/08/2008 17:25

Re: Adult children, living at home, do they contribute financially ?

They should contribute at that age, especially since they are working, otherwise they will never understand the value and cost of things. They should also share the household chores. What you do with the money is up to you - if you are well off you might start a savings pot for each of them which could be used as a deposit on a home of their own.

(member)

15/08/2008 17:38

Re: Adult children, living at home, do they contribute financially ?

I agree with everything that has been said. I had to contribute as soon as I started working at 16 and made my daughter contribute when she started working - the amount obviously would never have kept her (might just have covered her phone calls at the time) but it made her realise things have to be budgeted for and paid for. Once they are working they enjoy all the other adult things in life and supporting yourself is one of these things, might not be enjoable but necessary!
If I were you I would discuss this with you OH and come to an agreement on it. You are then showing a united front to them and they will realise that they can't play you off against each other. My sister and I used to use this ruse a lot, Dad was always the softie!

(member)

15/08/2008 18:09

Re: Adult children, living at home, do they contribute financially ?

Our 22 year old has just gained his Applied Computing Degree with honours and is busy job hunting, consequently he's on Job Seekers allowance, but out of that he's paying us Ł10 a week towards board. I haven't told him, but I put the money away as savings for him, but we just want him to realise that it's the principle of paying towards his keep.

As I work mornings, and he's at home all day, I do ask that he loads/unloads the dishwasher, I expect him to do his own washing and ironing and sometimes I ask him to do some vacuuming.

OH and I don't feel we'd be doing our son any favours by allowing him to keep all his income; I know they're only young once, but at the same time our children have to learn that the house does not run on fresh air.

(member)

15/08/2008 18:11

Re: Adult children, living at home, do they contribute financially ?

When i started work, i was expected to make a contribution, i presumed this was what my daughters would do, eldest paid some but it was usually borrowed back, youngest daughter was funded at uni by us. They are both gone 30 have own homes but we still help financially need rich young men to take over please!!!

(member)

15/08/2008 18:50

Re: Adult children, living at home, do they contribute financially ?

I am absolutely gobsmacked when I hear of adults living at home not paying their way. Sorry I just don't get it, and even if you are affluent enough not to need a contribution feel you are not helping them learn lessons in life.
My 2 sons always pay their way. Youngest, my daughter is going to uni in sep and will continue to live at home, she will have to work as well all through uni. She has already told me she will be giving a monthly amount towards her keep.

(member)

15/08/2008 19:37

Re: Adult children, living at home, do they contribute financially ?

Hi Beckybrox

I would say that the 2 eldest children should be paying something even if you decide to put it away somewhere safe for them for when they need it. If they never pay their way then they are going to get a very unpleasant shock when they go out into the real world. They need to know that they have to budget their money.

My youngest is no longer living at home but my eldest is 23 and has been living at home since he finished university. I gave him a 6 month amnesty after university to get himself a job and save a bit of money but after that he had to contribute Ł25 a week in the first year and then Ł50 in the second year. I think that he needs to learn to manage his money and also I wanted to encourage him to move out and be independent. If he wasn't paying anything he would be home all his life and this wouldn't be healthy. I am going to miss him like hell when he moves out next month but I know it is the right thing for him to do.

(member)

17/08/2008 11:46

Re: Adult children, living at home, do they contribute financially ?

I think the point that needs to be made here is that you and your OH agree absolutely on the way forward. Otherwise your daughters will play you off one against the other. Obviously he needs to agree with you though!! because if he doesn't you just become an unpaid housekeeper to all of them. Financial contributions should be made ( I intend to implement this in my household as soon as) but also the girls should be encouraged to take on household tasks - certainly their own ironing etc and perhaps cook a meal once a week.

(member)

17/08/2008 21:00

Re: Adult children, living at home, do they contribute financially ?

we had 5 daughters at home at one point, when they were working full time they had to all pay Ł25 a week, and do chores!
it caused huge rows, but they must learn to budget, and appreciate that everything costs, from food, petrol, electricity just about everything, they all had their own rooms, tv etc.
When they complained about chores or house keeping usually, how their friends didnt have to washup etc or pay their dad would say "well go and ask your friends if you can stay there ! or if you think you can
get cheaper somewhere else go there then!"

Eventually they just got on with it, and it wasn't a big deal.

Debt is a huge problem, and i feel we owe it to our children to teach them about money, and housekeeping etc.

One day they will leave home and need to be prepared for bills etc

If you are lucky enough to not need their financial contibution you could always save it for them.

good luck

(member)

18/08/2008 17:39

Re: Adult children, living at home, do they contribute financially ?

Becky,

I have three sons of similar age to your daughters (24, 22 and 18). The youngest is heading off to Uni in Sept and middle son is going into last year of Uni. ES worked in Madrid after graduating last summer, but came back to UK in May to start a new job and has been living at home since then. He is hopeless with money and struggled financially when he was in Spain, but came home to a better paid job. It was made clear to him from the start that he would be expected to pay dig money and he now transfers the money electronically on pay day. Like the others I feel that not charging him dig money is setting him a false expectation of what his salary can support, and as he will have to move around the country at some stage with his current job, he has to get used to having a certain percentage of his salary eaten up with living expenses before he is able to think about spending on clothes or holidays or other non-essentials.

I don't think you are doing either yourself or your daughters any favours by letting them live rent-free at home, as many of the other posters have said.

(member)

18/08/2008 22:05

Re: Adult children, living at home, do they contribute financially ?

My daughter who's 20 pays Ł20 per week with a full time job which I think is too little. She's off to Uni next month too and will be living in on a nursing bursary so she has a shock coming. This has a knock on effect on my two boys, they know what to expect - the rule is that if they stay in full time education they don't pay rent.
Funnily enough my 13yr old got a paper round today and asked me if he had to pay board out of it. Bless.

(member)

18/08/2008 22:15

Re: Adult children, living at home, do they contribute financially ?

Yes, adult children should contribute financially. I agree with everyone who says they not charging adult children, does them no favours. Life is tough and not teaching them the realities of life does not prepare them for life after mum and dad. The Bank of Mum and Dad is not a bottomless pit.

(member)

19/08/2008 21:08

Re: Adult children, living at home, do they contribute financially ?

I agree absolutely that adult children living at home should make a financial contribution - it may not be a realistic one, but it should be made for all the reasons given.

I can't help smiling remembering my own teenage years. My mother made sure that I had a job every school holiday from the age of 14 and I was exected to pay for my keep out of it - usually around a third of my earnings.

She thought she was being generous because when she started full time work at 14 she had to hand over her entire pay packet to her aunt, that she lived with, and was given back some pocket money.

Her aunt thought she was being generous because she started work in the cotton mill at the age of 10 and had to keep house for her father and brother because her mother was dead.

So perhaps we really never have had it so good!

(member)

26/08/2008 20:29

Re: Adult children, living at home, do they contribute financially ?

My two adult children are 23 and 25 and pay Ł200 a month each. They moaned at first until my OH worked out what they would pay if they paid their percentage share of bills, food ect. I think its only right that they pay. Otherwise they don't learn the value of money or how much of your wages goes into keeping a roof over your head. In my case about 98 percent of my wages.

(member)

12/09/2008 13:35

Re: Adult children, living at home, do they contribute financially ?

Yes, you have to take "something" off of them even if its just a token amount, or they will never learn. Perhaps if they need to get on their feet like perhpas they might have to fork out for a season ticket for train travel or get a car to get them to work, but once on their feet pay something towards the household costs even if you do save it for them.
My M.I.L though, only recently let slip that she saved all the housekeeping that she had taken off of my hubbys youngest brother and gave it back to him towards him buying his first home with his g/f years later!!! I was upset to hear that as she didnt do it for us...or I dont think his middle brother, we really struggled to buy our first house and save for our wedding too.

(member)

12/09/2008 15:08

Re: Adult children, living at home, do they contribute financially ?

I agree that they should contribute but...

I was supported until I left university and then worked in London for a few years.

I moved back to Manchester and lived at my Dad's place for 10 months before buying my own house. My Dad didn't ask for any contribution at all, which was a huge help as I was able to save for my first house. However, I helped out with the chores of course, bought the food shopping every so often.

But I do agree with everything that everyone else says - even a small contribution lets them know they aren't staying in a hotel! If parents can afford to do without the money, then splitting the chores is a good way round the "contribution" ethos.

(member)

12/09/2008 15:52

Re: Adult children, living at home, do they contribute financially ?

We're in a similar situation at the moment as my 21 year old isn't working yet as he 'hasn't found his dream job'. We have been a bit soft with him as he was seriously ill a few years ago so didn't go to University after his A levels and was gutted when, because of his illness, couldn't pursue his lifelong amibition to be a fighter pilot so has never found anything he wants to do. My older two, both married and from my previous marriage, go mad at how soft we are with him. They both contributed when they lived at home but we are so much more better off now. I could do with extra money though as he eats me out of house and home!

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