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lainey
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(member)
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13/07/2008 08:36
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infidelity
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Two years ago I discovered my husband was having an affair with a woman I knew from before. We tried to make the marriage work but in March of this year I found a text from her to him, it was obvious that he had no intention of stopping the affair and I left the marriage. She has now moved out to Spain and is living with him, he didn't waste anytime. My problem is that we lived in Spain and I have now returned to the UK, I think in hindsight it was a wrong move, however I am now here. He wants to settle amicably but it is a fight every month to get my money, and he keeps moving the parameters of the separation agreement between us.
I am looking for advice from any other ladies out there who have had a similar experience is it easy to go for divorce being in separate countries? Is it better to settle amicably. It is very hard as I did not want our marriage to end but he admitted to being weak and she was extremely persistant.
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Re: infidelity
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Idon't know about divorcing in different countries, but when I separated from my husband, I went to see a solicitor who basically said that a separation agreement is worthless as it is not backed by the courts. She pointed out that although OH could agree to pay the mortgage etc now, there would be nothing I could do if he changed his mind further down the line. As someone else is involved, it probably wouldn't take much persuasion from her, before he reduces or stops your payments. Sorry to be negative but you need to think to the future and look after yourself. Don't worry about what he wants - he has made his choices
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Re: infidelity
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sadly - you are grieving for the end of the marriage but maybe not him - he has gone and is weak he is avoiding being honest with you - be strong you have it in you and see a soliciter
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Jae
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(member)
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13/07/2008 10:26
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Re: infidelity
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Hi Lainey,
don't know about different countries either I'm afraid.
When my husband left he promised he would never force me out of the house, he would keep paying his share of the mortgage etc. I know he meant it at the time as it was guilty conscience talking but I knew as soon as the other woman got cracking on him it wouldn't be long before all that changed (another weak man). My lawyer advised to get a separation agreement while he was still in that frame of mind. Then as soon as I had it all agreed I should divorce him as quickly as possible because up until you are divorced he could ask for it to be changed, but once the divorce is through that's it. He can't come back and change anything. There weren't any dependant children involved so it was relativley quick and simple, though I can't say painless. The last thing I wanted was a divorce but the law in Scotland means he could have divorced me after 2 years separation, whether I consented or not, and the little tart would have been urging him to get what was 'rightfully' his.
We did manage it as amicably as possible once lawyers get involved. In fact he was quite hurt when I filed for the divorce as I think he thought he could have his 'freedom' without having to make any commitments.
All the above is under Scottish law so it may be different elsewhere. You need a good solicitor who will work hard on your behalf. Good luck and you know where we all are if you need to offload stuff.
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Re: infidelity
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My ex very earnestly promised me he would never take the house when we split up, which was rather interesting because he had contributed very little financially to our marriage. I already owned my property when we met. This was until his new love urged him to take "what he was owed" and upon the advice of a mate who is a solicitor, over a beer, he decided that I needed to sell the house and give him his share. We had been married 6 years and goodness knows what his son and I were meant to do. I got a better solicitor and did not need to sell the house however, he used that as a reason to never pay me child support!
Business is business make sure you get the support you deserve no matter how bad it makes you feel, he broke the contract.
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wisp1
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(member)
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13/07/2008 13:14
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Re: infidelity
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Having been there, done that and got the T shirt! my advice is to get yourself a good solicitor. My ex wanted me to pay the mortgage on the house, bring up the children then when they reached 16 to sell the house and give him half the price!!! My solicitor soon told him that was not going to happen. In my experience, as the others have said they will promise you anything while they are feeling guiltly but the moment they move out it all changes. It took me 5 years to get a divorce as everytime we reached an agreement he changed his mind!
I know at the moment you are feeling hurt and upset and naturally want things to be am amicable as possible, but you need to ensure that you get your share of the finances, dont expect him to play fair as its very unlikely that this will happen.
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Re: infidelity
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lainey, this is a horrible situation for you and my heart goes out to you. I am sorry I cannot offer you any practical advice. There is another forum I go on which may be able to offer you some help. I will send you a PM with the details, I am not sure if I am allowed to post it on here.
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lainey
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(member)
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13/07/2008 18:39
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Re: infidelity
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Thanks to all of you for your advice and kind words, it really helps to know that there are some good decent ladies out there. It makes me determined to see this through.
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Re: infidelity
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Hi Lainey, unfortunately, I have no real knowledge of divorce in two different countries either but as you know there are firms who do property conveyancing concerning two countries so I'm thinking maybe there are some who also deal with family law? Anyway, I just want to offer my support to you as I know how you must be feeling. Hope you get things sorted soon, take care x
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