| tusabrat |
| (member) |
| 11/07/2008 13:55 |
Infidelity
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Hi
Have any of you suffered infidelity by your OH, and have recovered your relationship?
I am coming up for our 1 yr mark of reconciliation, and was wondering if there are others trying to piece their relationships back together?
Thanks
| Appleblossom |
| (member) |
| 11/07/2008 14:05 |
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Re: Infidelity
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Sorry to begin on a downer. My husband and I were reconciled after his infidelity and I put 100% into the relationship. I thought things were going really well the first year and then I discovered texts by the same woman yet again. In my case she was a work colleague and with hindsight I should have insisted that he change his job as we never stood a chance whilst she was around. On a positive note my next door neighbour had an affair and was reconciled with her husband and they are still together 10 years on.
| tusabrat |
| (member) |
| 11/07/2008 14:17 |
Re: Infidelity
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Poppyfield, I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.
My husband left his job, his affair was with a woman abroad and his job was his only means of seeing her. He used to be glued to his phone, but since last year, he rarely even looks at it. Most of the time leaves it in a draw and forgets about it.
It was all so painful and difficult, for him as well, and he has vowed that he will never do it again. We have agreed that we are not saying we will stay together forever, or never fall in love with someone else - what we have now agreed is that if it does happen, then it will be dealt with honorably.
It's pretty awful, though, isn't it? Once they step out, you just never know if they will do it again.
| hattie18 |
| (member) |
| 11/07/2008 15:44 |
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Re: Infidelity
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My husband had an affair over 4 years ago and we are still together. its not been easy but we are much more aware of each others feelings and both are willing to work at our marriage. I find it hard as any of my friends that have gone through similar are all now divorced so I do feel lonely however the forum has helped me a lot as I have had support from a number of others going through the same.Please pm me if you ever feel like a more personal chat i'd be happy to share any advice i have received. Good luck hattie
| nannyconnie |
| (member) |
| 11/07/2008 17:02 |
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Re: Infidelity
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Yes I too have been there,devastating at the time but we have now been married for forty years,not always blissfully I have to say,but I know I could never live with anyone else.
So yes you can put it behind you and work through it.Hope it works out for you.
| Jae |
| (member) |
| 11/07/2008 18:48 |
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Re: Infidelity
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My husband had an affair whilst serving abroad in the forces. We had two young children so I forgave him and we stayed together. Later the same thing happened when we settled down in civvy street. Again I forgave him, even making excuses for him both times. In 2001 he had a one night stand when I was busy taking care of an ageing and infirm parent, another excuse I made for him. With hindsight I'm sure there must have been other indiscretions but I was so in love with him I wanted to believe that he meant it when he said he loved me. We even re-took our wedding vows on our 25th anniversary. Finally 2 years ago, after nearly 35 years of marriage, he left me for a woman nearly young enough to be his daughter. That's the thanks I got for loving him enough to forgive him and put the past behind us. Make sure you stay together becaue it's what you both want and also make sure you have a bit of a life of your own, just in case. Hope things work out in the best possible way for you.
| TFG |
| (member) |
| 12/07/2008 00:19 |
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Re: Infidelity
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Woe is all of us in this I'm afraid my husband had affairs non I could prove because hey he was a police man and never ever admitted anything- even when it emerged he'd had a fling with my brothers partner 10 years before, he said my family were against him! I wonder why?
I forgave him and tried and tried 4 26 years given up now and guess what found someone else who thinks I'm the bees knees and can't understand the behavoiur of my ex.
On another note my brother says that some men are just like that always on the look out for extra and always at the strip clubs etc- perhaps he's right and excitement rules some men. It did my ex I'm sure
| independent |
| (member) |
| 12/07/2008 00:41 |
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Re: Infidelity
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Sorry to say I have suffered infidelity, tried to put it all back together but the damage was done, things improved for a while but it didn't last, ex OH wanted to pretend it never happened which also included not acknowledging the hurt he had caused, have since seperated and now after two and half years I am gradually getting my life back and feeling I am no longer second best.
| TFG |
| (member) |
| 12/07/2008 00:45 |
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Re: Infidelity
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Independent
I am finding that I am not second best and I am sure you are not too, it's just we were with people that didn't appreciate us, when you find someone that does its a whole different ball game
Sx
| salgash |
| (member) |
| 12/07/2008 09:08 |
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Re: Infidelity
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I can relate to all the above.
After 13years of marriage I discovered my husband had an affair. His work took him abroad and 'what the eye doesn't see the heart doesn't grieve over' till someone finds out.
His job role changed which meant he no longer travelled and that put a stop to any foreign liaisons.
We managed to sort things out and life went on. Trust had gone out the window though.
After 28 years I discovered that he had been having another affair. The foreign travel had started again and he had been living a sort of double life.
Tried to turn it round but realised he was a weak, pathetic liar who lived in a fantasy world of his own.
This woman (year younger than ED) Said she was willing to be woman number 2 and I could still be woman number1!!!
Sod that for a bowl of cherries.
Sorry if that sounds bitter, I am not. The past 5years have been great Have ups and downs but on the whole......
| issi |
| (member) |
| 12/07/2008 11:50 |
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Re: Infidelity
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I think so many women invest in relationships which men cannot adhere to. Despite everything we write about, I would love, for once, to hear a man's side of things. By that I mean his true feelings and not the reasons given by the wife. There is no disrespect here. I just feel that so often women give understanding and trust to men who really probably know they do not deserve it. How many men say what they say because of guilt and not because they mean it? What are they really thinking? When the universe ends we may probably find out.
| campbell |
| (member) |
| 20/07/2008 23:51 |
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Re: Infidelity
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Found out two months ago that my OH was having an affair with my 'friend' who lives right across the road.
He says he regrets it and wants to forget its happened. But it hurts me so much. I dont have any friends who live near me and work from home so have a very non social life.
I want to try to make it work and am fine when he's with me but as he works away such alot am left alone and very lonely while he's away.
Its reassuring to read the other posts and I hope to learn to forgive and forget but its so hard to do at the moment. Does anyone have any advice or help.
| Quicksilver |
| (member) |
| 21/07/2008 08:23 |
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Re: Infidelity
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I think this is one of the worst feelings as there is a complete loss of control and a fear of the unknown. A five year plan is always very helpful. You cant change today but you can change tommorrow. Inspire yourself and feed your self esteem. Just for you. Try going to see the Mamma Mia film with a couple of girly friends and lunch at a truly inspiring place. I reccommend Cardiff Bay for its european feel, wear dressy dresses you wont be out of place. as far as your man goes, well an affair is a shortcut to physical pleasure and ego boosting. Look at ways of having unencumbered times together in new places, the hurt will subside but needs to be replaced by new experiences and feelings. Hope you keep well.