(member)

23/06/2008 16:36

Working Mum advice?

Hello All,

I know I am a long way off having to sort this out, but it is bugging me.
My little one is only 1 and things are working out OK at the moment. I drop her off and pick her up at nursery, and the hours are long enough for me to work full time but not so long that I don't get time with her.

The question is, what do you do when they start school? I don't even know what hours schools keep nowadays, and as for holidays' eek! I can't afford to go part time and have no family or friends around here (we moved recently), so I really don't know what I'll do

What do/did others do? How do you find a child minder and do they work during school holidays?

I'd be interested in any insights.

(member)

23/06/2008 16:53

Re: Working Mum advice?

Hi Tracie , i had to go back to work when my first baby was only a few months old and i've had another two since! firstly before your children start school try to negotiate hours that will suit you - there are all sorts of laws now that mean you can request flexible working and they must come up with some very good reasons before they can refuse.
secondly look into nurseries but don't rule out child minders. I contacted my local council for a list of registered ones (they have to be ofsted approved now too) and i was very lucky both times. My childminders were lovely and very good with my children - if you have any doubts just make an excuse and keep looking. Childminders are usually cheaper and more flexible and your child will have more of a normal family atmosphere. alot of them do before and after school care and it may be a good idea to contact the school to see if any of the mums there do it - i would also try to negotiate a later start time for yourself at work - as mornings are usually chaotic. My children enjoyed going to see their friends at the childminders and they were like a second family. Any way i hope this helps and best of luck - don't worry - nothing is as bad as we imagine it to be!

(member)

23/06/2008 19:39

Re: Working Mum advice?

Hi TracieB, I was lucky in this respect, my mother took on the job of childminder (paid). However although my two are long past the need for care here are a few lessons I learnt.

1 You aren't superwoman, don't try to be, your child wants time with you (especially to help with homework) not a fantastically spotless, tidy house.

2 Get your OH involved, can he pick up/drop one day a week for example to give you a break. Mine wasn't ever so helpful with that but he did do a short day on Fridays.

3 Don't beat yourself up about it, lots of use have to work for lots of reasons, and Princes William and Harry turned out ok (that was a bit of advice given to me by my health visitor).

4 Book a day or 2 off work when you first start using the childminder, but treat it as a test run so you can get that awful first school day or so over without stressing at work.

5 Don't be afraid to ask for help, your childs friends mums will be glad to help out on occasion so that she can go play with friends, so long as you don't presume and overdo it, you can reciprocate at weekends. It's important they don't miss out on socialising with their friends, it's astonishing how quickly they get a social life.

A good friend of mine used a childminder and she did a lot of careful research first, visiting a couple of times and doing some trial runs before she made her choice. It did work out very well, but I think it's good advice that if you have the slightest misgiving just walk away and find someone else.

(member)

23/06/2008 20:01

Re: Working Mum advice?

Hi Tracie,

some more advice

1. You will meet mums who will tell you that they couldn't possibly leave their child and go back to work. They will try and make you feel guilty. Ignore them. They are just jealous and probably unemployable.

2. Supermarkets sell excellent fairy cakes. If you have to produce home baking, buy some, ice them and stick a smartie on the top, then pass them off as home made.

3. Your daughter will not remember how often you dusted and vaccuumed, but will remember splashing in puddles and making daisy chains

4. Try and get your daughter into a routine with a set bedtime. Then set aside some time for you every evening. Even if it's only half a hour

5. Enjoy being a mum

..wispa

(member)

24/06/2008 09:06

Re: Working Mum advice?

Hi all

Skippy, My job means that it is full time only, long explanation but I am a senior manager and it would be impossible to do this role part time. They are fairly flexible though and I can't fault the company I work for in this respect. I also want to earn the full time wage.

Skippy and Spendlove, I think I shall have to look for a childminder come the time, but good tip on asking the school. I think the school clubs might be an option but still don't extend the day enough for me to do a full time job with some travelling time.

Jules and wispa, thanks for all of the tips. I do nothing but sit and play with her when we get home and she has (so far) always stuck to a routing bed time, then I do my jobs and have a glass of wine. So I'm not doing too bad on that front. She is a very good little girl.

(member)

24/06/2008 13:15

Re: Working Mum advice?

I can't advise on childcare (no children partly because we knew we wouldn't be able to afford for one of us to stay at home or full time childcare) but you can get a certain number of weeks off unpaid for each child until it's a certain age (I think the age may have changed recently or be about to) to cover emergencies and illness. Reducing hours or working part of the week from home are options if appropriate to your job (obviously some jobs mean you have to be in the workplace). Check if your employers offer a childcare voucher scheme or have an arrangement with a local nursery. In my experience it's very unusual for a parent to be able to take all school holidays off as employers usually can't accomodate the additional workload to other staff (unless of course you work at a school).

(member)

25/06/2008 00:32

Re: Working Mum advice?

Tracie, just a thought have you considered a live in nanny, it would give you continuity and comfort of being able to get home later without stressing on the journey.

I had the routine too, with the bed times etc, but sadly once my son hit 2 he had other ideas, he turned into an insomniac human dynamo that never shuts up or stays still.

I had a few years when the children were in infants/primary school where my career ambitions had to take a bit of a back seat. I still worked and tried to get the postings I wanted but there were some I would have love to have gone for that would have got me advanced quicker but I knew I just couldn't go for them at that point. It is not easy coping with young children and a demanding job. It's not just the child care and the travelling but also when you finally get home completely shattered with a brain like porridge they say, "Mum I've got an essay/project/maths/model that has to be given in tomorrow and I'm stuck will you help me?".

Once they reach a point where they appreciate a bit more independance things become easier again.

I guess what I'm trying to say is you can make all the arrangments and plans you like (and if you're anything like me you need this to make you feel more in control) but children are, by their very nature, unpredictable and sometimes you just have to go with the flow. I think when the time comes, the right solutions do present themselves.

(member)

07/07/2008 12:47

Re: Working Mum advice?

Tracie - Good luck! I've just become a stay at home mum - leaving a managerial job in an organisation I've been with for 23 years! It IS hard being a working mum - I did it for 10 years and became an expert juggler - I used nursery for a few years, but then some nutter threw school into the mix - that was hard. Though I sat down with my then boss and explained my circumstances. We worked out a plan that allowed me to drop off and pick up from school and work from home to make up the hours. It's flipping hard work, but it did pay off in the end. Don't even think about school holidays yet though - they're great aren't they?? They're really just a test for working mums you know! Good Luck and I take my hat off to all working mums out there. Stupidly enough my career break will take me back into my organisation just as Jack starts school...I may have to have a rethink!!

(member)

12/07/2008 18:47

Re: Working Mum advice?

TracieB
When we had our second one and realised that we absolutely could NOT afford two sets of private nursery fees(actually, we couldn't afford one set) we got an Au Pair from Prague. I was really apprehensive as I'd done a lot of research and found that you have to "kiss a few frogs before you find you prince.." but we were really lucky first time around. She spoke no English when she arrived, but was BRILLANT with the kids, kept out of our way when we were in, spent her weekends off touring the country, and was really flexible about her hours and times. There was never a worry about what time I got home from work, as I knew my kids were safely in our house, so it's definitely worth researching this option (she also picked up very quickly when to frown at my husband and was a really good ally!!)Good luck!!

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