I got so much help from you ladies in my recent post(especially from one lady who has sent very helpful PM's)but unfortunately things are much worse than I'd thought as I've found out my husband is having an affair.At first he denied it but I had proof so he had to admit it. When I found out who she was I could have literally died. She is the woman he had an affair with 20 years ago which ended his first marriage, and in effect lost him his kids. He says he has always loved her and that his feelings for me have dwindled and since then I have gone through every emotion in the book: grief, anger, the lot but eventually I got my head together and realised that he, like me, was in the depths of despair about the state of our relationship and this tart had caught him when he was at his lowest ebb with the oldest trick in the book: Friends Reunited. He looked so desperately sad on Saturday that (and please don't think I am soft for doing this because truly I'm not) I held out the Olive branch to him. The result was we had a good talk and actually a better evening than we have had for a while. We went out for lunch yesterday and had a really good time. I pointed out where we had gone wrong, how easy it would be to put things right and he accepted all of this. I had summoned up every iota of strength I ever had and told him point blank that there was nothing she had that I hadn't and that if he had been with her for 13 years and was in a rut with her and then I turned up out of the blue he would feel exactly the same for me as he does now for her. Most importantly, I told him that I could understand why he did it and that it could easily have been me as there is a similar person in my past that I have always thought of when things were going bad. So basically, things were going well, then we came home and everything for some reason, took a nosedive. Maybe I was expecting too much and as he still hadn't really said what he intended to do, all of my confidence drained away and the old anger came back. He is not a bad person, in fact he is the sort of person that everyone loves and the very few friends I've told have been totally shocked. The whole thing has absolutely devastated me. I would never thought I would want to take him back, but I do.I know it will be so hard, but I'm willing to give it a try. I have found out some facts (from his first wife via my stepson) that this piece of sh*t has done this before to two other married men and that was 20 years ago so she has had ample opportunity to have trebled that score by now. And I imagine it must be some sort of record for her to break up two marriages for the same man. My other big problem is that he and my stepson have fallen out over it. SS is VERY angry and OH told me yesterday that he'd said he loved me as much as his own mum, which shocked, stunned and warmed my heart in equal measure. I am trying to smooth things over between them but OH is angry as SS hasn't just accepted the situation and SS is very angry as OH has basically rocked the whole foundations of their relationship.
Sorry for this being so looooong but there is so much I needed to offload. If anyone has any help to give I would really appreciate it. I think if things got back to normal OH and SS could get their previously great relationship back on track but my biggest problem is how do I make him want me over her? How do I compete with a fantasy woman, someone he has held a torch for for over 20 years? A plus point is he has told her that I know and since then had his mobile switched off and swears he has had no messages from her...but what he doesn't know is, he has! I managed to get hold of his mobile and read three unbelievable messages from the pathetic tart and then I pronmptly deleted them! Hopefully she might think she has ben dumped! This has given me a total kick up the backside in many areas and I've found an inner strength I didn't know I had,which I have proved by not ringing the slag ang giving her a piece of my mind! If anyone has ever been in a similar situation, or even those who haven't, I would be so grateful for any help or advice any of you wise ladies can give. Thanks for listening x