| aggipanthus |
| (member) |
| 25/07/2008 11:35 |
FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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'Suddenly the back door flew open'....
The opening line of a short story, no more than a hundred words in length....here's mine.
Suddenly the back door flew open. Rain and leaves began to cover the kitchen floor. Somewhere in the house I heard breaking glass as doors slammed. Then the lights suddenly went out, and the wall clock fell to the floor, smashing into pieces. In the confusion I accidentally poured boiling water over my hand instead of into the teapot, and as I jumped back I cursed the fact I was barefoot as I cut myself on a shard of glass. In the doorway stood a wizened old woman wrapped in an army greatcoat.
'Lucky heather dearie?' she asked.
Your turn, any budding/interested writers.
| nannyconnie |
| (member) |
| 25/07/2008 14:35 |
Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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That is fabulous,I really admire you writers on here and I certainly look forward to some other efforts(not mine you notice!!!1)Thanks a lot for this super post.
| Ashbee |
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| 25/07/2008 15:13 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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I'm up for the challenge, Gothfairy - just need a wee while to come up with something worth offering...watch this space!
| AlexP |
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| 25/07/2008 15:16 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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Here's my, not very good, contribution!:
"Suddenly the door flew open – startled and incredulous, Mary leapt up to embrace the man standing at the open doorway. She had been absorbed in watching the flames of a fire lit in defiance of the damp evening - her thoughts revolving around the long months she and this man had been apart, the obstacles there had been to their future together and whether she would ever see him again. Now, as she embraced him, Mary felt her anxiety ebb away, until all that remained was the realisation that Roland had returned to her and their life together could begin."
| AlexP |
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| 25/07/2008 15:30 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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I meant to say, I loved your contribution gothfairy! xx
| Sella_Vee |
| (member) |
| 25/07/2008 16:17 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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Thanks for this, gothfairy, it caught my eye as I was browsing the main index. Here goes:
Suddenly the back door flew open and in charged a bundle of red faced fury, yelling "Mum, tell him!".
Noting that this was still week one of the school holidays, I knelt down and asked "What's the matter, James?"
"It's Alex," he replied, "he won't let me into the tree house. He's pulled up the ladder and he won't let it down again. And he won't listen to me when I call him."
As tears of frustration brimmed in my son's eyes I sighed inwardly at the thought of the two weeks ahead, and wondered, yet again, whether I had been wise to invite his step brother to stay.
I'm a few words over, is that critical?
| Ashbee |
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| 25/07/2008 16:22 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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I'm not sure we'd have counted the number of words but now you mention it...
I am impressed with everyone's efforts - well done everyone. Now, where did I put my pencil...
| Chatelaine |
| (member) |
| 25/07/2008 16:35 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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Ooohhh, I love all your contributions!! Also love the diversity!!
Well, here goes mine.....
Suddenly the door flew open. "Here they are, Sir!"
Looking up from his papers, David's breath caught, as his aide excitedly ushered two youths and a girl towards his monumental desk. Transfixed David got up. For years he had been hoping and praying for this reunion, and now that moment had come. They were here. And yes, he could see that they were his, for they were like clones, especially the girl. As he wrapped them in his arms, and the first burning tears trickled down his cheeks, all he could think was "Damn you Uncle, if only I could remember them....."
| Chatelaine |
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| 25/07/2008 18:08 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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While finishing off the dishes (Yes, I wash them by hand!) the following sprung to mind......
Suddenly the door flew open, and with an ear shattering bang hit a 17th century oak heirloom. Nonplussed his Lordship declared "11 o'clock!!" and calmly rose from his chair by the fireside. "Nightcap, my dear?" he asked his wife, closing the door, and throwing a percursory glance at the newest dent in his heirloom. Accepting a Drambuie from her husband, her Ladyship offhandedly stated that she'd ask the butler to have Lord Percy's ancient chest moved.
The couple did not pay heed to Lord Percy's frustrated moan, floating up the stairs to the bell tower, wondering how to get rid of them!
| Ashbee |
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| 25/07/2008 19:42 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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Ok, first attempt...
Suddenly the back door flew open and he stood, filling the doorway with his youthful bulk, eyes flashing with excitement and both fists punching the air in a speedy action. He let loose a triumphant scream that ripped through the air: Yes! Yes! Yessssss! I smiled and nodded my approval but inside my heart sank. He had passed and another young driver is let loose on the innocent travelling public.
And of course I knew what would come next. I looked at him, waiting… Mum,can I borrow your car tonight?
Ah yes, I thought. Now it begins …
| saraw |
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| 25/07/2008 21:06 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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Suddenly the back door flew open and Jane could eventually put the heavy shopping bags down. She could hear the TV in the next room, they were home. Mum are you back? came the cry - she felt like shouting who do you think it was! Santa Claus. Whats for Tea? came the reply. She had worked a solid 8 hours called in the supermarket on the way home. Not a dish washed, a welcome cup of tea would have been nice. The work of a women was never done!! I know, what would happen if i made them something really good like fried toads legs or sparrow pie now that would really fun - she smiled to herself as she unpacked the bags.
| billie |
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| 25/07/2008 21:07 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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Never ever done anything like this before so here goes:-
Suddenly the back door flew open and my husband threw his workbag on the floor along with his keys." Well that's it" he said "No more driving". My heart sank the expected redundancy had actually happened. Now what I thought! However are we going to cope! I picked up the laundry basket with tears already rolling down my cheeks and without uttering a word headed outside for the washing line. Seconds later two strong arms encicled my waist from behind, that's when I knew! No matter what, together we were strong and we'd survive.
Just to say have enjoyed everyones up to now. What a briil exercise!
| Ashbee |
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| 25/07/2008 21:44 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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Oh, this can become addictive...another offering:
Suddenly the back door flew open and a figure in a cape and mask stood, hands on hips. I’ve come for you, he said, his voice thick and golden. My stomach flipped, my knees went weak. But the washing up, I simpered as the masked man led me by the dripping marigolds to the kitchen table, recently cleared of the lunch plates. A hand ran eagerly along my thigh and I sighed low with pleasure.
Nice tattoo, I breathed into his ear, my husband has one just like that…
I smiled. So he had remembered my fantasy
Tee hee!!!
| Chickadee |
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| 26/07/2008 07:14 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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A faint sound drew me to the edge of the path. An owl fluttered desperately against the fence, its wing caught and twisted on the spines of wire. “Poor thing,” I whispered, and gently moved towards it, pinioning its free wing with one hand while I worked to loose the other. The owl looked at me, its round eyes unreadable. Once freed, it perched on my hand for a moment, its talons fierce and sharp so I cried with pain. Hesitantly, it lifted itself skywards, wings moving unevenly until it found balance and rhythm and soared.
I am that owl, but who will free me?
| aggipanthus |
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| 26/07/2008 10:15 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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Not that I'm any expert, but some good responses here... as to the word count, if you were entering a competition or submitting to a magazine, then yes, it would be important to stick to the limit set otherwise your story is just discarded, no matter how brilliant it might be. And if it were a real exercise, or again a competition entry, it would have to begin with the set words as well. Ashbee... now here's me thinking you and Mr A were a nice, normal couple.....!!!!!!!!
So does anyone want to set a similar exercise in a couple of weeks time, or shall I do it again, I don't mind.
| aggipanthus |
| (member) |
| 26/07/2008 10:16 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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Just a thought... is one exercise every couple of weeks about right, does anyone have any thoughts on this?
| saraw |
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| 26/07/2008 10:36 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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Gothfairy - brilliant idea, never done anything like that before. One every week if you can keep the ideas coming would be fine!
Sara
| Chatelaine |
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| 26/07/2008 10:41 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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Haven't a clue what the "going rate" (i.e. how often....) would and should be for such an exercise......
Do hasten to admit though that I thoroughly enjoyed it, and thankfully destagnated that particular part of my brain some already. 
Perchance the end of this accursed writer's block????
| Sella_Vee |
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| 26/07/2008 11:21 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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Gothfairy, I'd like one every week too. I haven't done anything like this since school.
At first I thought I'd never get to a hundred words, then when I went over that, I quite enjoyed "editing" it to bring it down nearer the target.
| Ashbee |
| (member) |
| 26/07/2008 11:35 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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Sorry Gothfairy, you've been outvoted - a weekly one (perhaps a Friday challenge?) it is ... but why not let everyone come up with ideas - send them to Gothfairy - like with the eyes down book club - and she can mix them all up and post one on a Friday...
Two rules - must stick to the 100 words max and must start with the original first line - yes, I'm guilty of both but what the heck!
Gothfairy: I did say it was a fantasy - don't think my kitchen table would cope with the weight...
| aggipanthus |
| (member) |
| 26/07/2008 11:50 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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Ashbee... don't telly tubbies (your description) have reinforced legs... on their kitchen table of course! Sorry, getting off the subject....
Shall we wait until Issi and other writing regulars come back on the question of how often? I might not be able to do one a week, may not have the time, which is why I said once every two weeks. And what is the eyes down book club???
| Ashbee |
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| 26/07/2008 14:07 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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Gothfairy - there's a long story attached to our dining table, but I have promised myself my next table will definately have reinforced legs ...he,he, he!
Take your point about not having the time so maybe if others will agree to make suggestions too we can carry on having fun and frolics in 100 words or less...
| Chickadee |
| (member) |
| 26/07/2008 14:14 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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Hells bells - just realised I messed up! You are all very polite not to point my senior moment out to me! I did a short story with the required opening, didn't like it and then wrote something that was cooking at the back of my mind and posted that instead...sorry! Could do lines (I must read the rubric properly) or will this do by way of penance?
“Suddenly the back door flew open...” Valaber looked up from the computer, unable to think of anything witty or dramatic to match the immediacy of this compelling opening. “What would Minette Walters write?” she wondered, sighing in frustration. Suddenly her eye was caught by a golden feather swirling outside the window. She was transported back to that long ago day, when she found an owl. She remembered the intensity of the gaze, the fierce grip of its talons on her hand. Forgetting the set task, she began to type at a furious pace – this was it! This was the story she had to tell!
| AlexP |
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| 26/07/2008 14:19 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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Gothfairy - an exercise once a week would be great!
Loved reading the responses to this exercise - all really good and so different.
| AlexP |
| (member) |
| 26/07/2008 14:22 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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Sorry gothfairy - didn't see your later post re. an exercise once a week being a bit too often - once every two weeks is also fine. Unless, as I think Ashbee suggested, we all offer some suggestions for opening lines.
| Ashbee |
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| 26/07/2008 17:48 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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Oh, well saved Valaber! Great re-write...no lines the first time but any more senior moments and I'm sure Gothfairy will come up with a suitable punishment...
In the meantime - all your ideas for another brilliant opening line by next Friday please...
| issi |
| (member) |
| 27/07/2008 09:26 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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Well, I am off the computer for only a couple of days and you have come up with a great idea. I am still laughing at Ashbee's fantasy - wish I had thought of that! Looking forward to the next opening line and trying to think of one at the same time.
| Barney |
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| 27/07/2008 13:07 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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Suddenly the back door flew open and the noise engulfed me. The wailing shrill of the sirens disturbed my peace. I looked down and saw blood spilling out from his twisted body on the kitchen floor. It was a surprise to see how far the red rivulets reached, filling all the channels between the tiles.
'Put it down on the floor, slowly...slowly' urged a stranger dressed in blue.
'Put what on the floor?' I stammered before realising I held a cooks knife in my hand.
'All I wanted was peace. Peace.' I tried to explain, but they didn't understand.
| Ashbee |
| (member) |
| 27/07/2008 16:38 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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Oo-er, Barney! Remind me never to upset you...
| Brenda1948 |
| (member) |
| 02/08/2008 23:15 |
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Re: FOR WRITERS - an exercise
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Suddenly, the back door flew open, and Jenny rushed in. "I'm sorry I'm late. Is she mad with me" Lisa was spooning instant coffee into mugs. She shook her head and gave a rueful grin. "Honestly, Jenny, you're chief bridesmaid. You could have been on time today of all days. Melissa's upstairs having her hair done. Where have you been?"
"I didn't mean to be late, but I met John when I stopped for petrol. He's just got back and he looks great. I must go up to Mel - is one of those coffees for me?"
Lisa froze. John was back?