(member)

05/07/2009 06:52

Help - Holiday Dilemma

I am meant to be going on holiday with OH on Monday morning to Portugal, but have had a last minute change of mind. My OH (partner) of 8 years is very controlling and has a drink problem - he only drinks at weekends as not to interfere with his job - but drinks 2/3 bottles of wine - so is out of it Friday/Sat evenings. I have got to the stage that I can't take any more of this and have talked to him and written him a letter to let him know how hurt I am because when drunk he belittles me and makes nasty remarks about my children 19 and 24 both at home when not at uni. Although ok with them when sober as long as they do things his way. He says he thinks the world of me and will change although I know he will not has said this before.

We are stying at his flat on holiday - I have been so stressed out lately at work and come home for a weekend to relax and have been stressed at home - this has made me ill - lost my voice and have horrible cold.

I do need a break but do not know whether I can face the stress of his drinking problem with him at his flat and the intense heat of portugal.

Sorry to bare all - any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Lyneee

(member)

05/07/2009 10:04

Re: Help - Holiday Dilemma

I think that he is the one with the problem and that is alcohol related. If you don't want to spend time with him then don't go - if he wants to then let him spend time on his own too - perhaps that is what you both need You need to come clean and admit that his drinking is upsetting you. Make a stand now and either he will turn his life around or he will get drunk in Portugal and realise what he is doing and how he is about to lose quite a lot.
Sorry, I can't be more positive but he does have a problem.

(member)

05/07/2009 10:27

Re: Help - Holiday Dilemma

I dont think I would want to even be with him, let alone go on holiday with him. A controling drinker is a dangerous person.

If you sort out the drink problem you still have the control problem, which its said is often a sign of low self esteem, by controling you he turns the tables and makes you lose yours.

In between he says sorry and that he thinks the world of you...if thats really true he now has to prove it.

He wont change, not all his ways.... do you really think this relationship is the best place for you ?

xx

xx

(member)

05/07/2009 10:35

Re: Help - Holiday Dilemma

Hi Lynee
I agree with what Gill has said. I think your OH needs to realise he needs some professional help ie Alcoholics Anonymous.
The situation at the mo is not fair on you. You need to let him know how much his behaviour is upsetting you. Maybe you could discuss things out in Portugal perhaps a change of scene will help to relax you both and make it easier to do this.
Take care Clare

(member)

05/07/2009 10:36

Re: Help - Holiday Dilemma

Sorry I think this relationship is doomed......get out quick!
Big Hug...
xx

(member)

05/07/2009 11:33

Re: Help - Holiday Dilemma

thanks girls

It's hard but I know I have to get him out - very hard as he has just done the housework and is preparing lunch.

Have a good day
Lynee

(member)

05/07/2009 12:58

Re: Help - Holiday Dilemma

He should be so dumped...no other option!!
And quickly!
Don't make his problems your problems!!

(member)

05/07/2009 13:31

Re: Help - Holiday Dilemma

I would say don't go on holiday with him and use the time when he is away to really think about what is best for you and your children. Have you contacted AA? There is a part which gives support and advice to partners of those with alcohol problems.

I just hated reading how he belittles and puts you down - you are worth so much more.........

Take care
F x.

(member)

06/07/2009 08:24

Re: Help - Holiday Dilemma

Sorry, missed this post yesterday. Agree with all of the above, however I think the priority is you - you seem to have very low self esteem, that needs to be addressed. Cant say if you should go on holiday, but get some professional help to move you on from this situation.....

(member)

06/07/2009 08:29

Re: Help - Holiday Dilemma

If you are going to spend time worrying about how is behaving whilst you are away, then it's no holiday.

Agree with several of the other ladies, this isn't a relationship that will make you happy. If he can get over his drink problem, then maybe you can think about having him back, or only deal with him during the week. Personally, I think you are worth what work is and more, so mayb e he'd like to give up the drink for you and not just work.

Hope whatever you do this week, you are OK.

Chilla x

(member)

07/07/2009 04:05

Re: Help - Holiday Dilemma

lynne How are you? Did you decide to stay at home in the end? Thinking of you - take care. C

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