| lulubells |
| (member) |
| 04/07/2008 19:04 |
Such a longing!!!!
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Can any of you ladies help, you know that thing with OH have not been good, but still get a really strong urge to have more children. Have always had it. Have always wanted lots of kids and really thought that OH would change his mind, but alas never did. But really finding it harder as I find that everyone (really everyone) I know is either trying or having or just had babies and when I see them I just want to cry, purly out of joy but also out of knowing that I will not have anymore
I love my girls to bits and would not change them for anything and really give them my all.....but sometimes the longing is so great I feel really sad.
Has anyone eles gone or is going through this and what did you do to get yourself over it.
Feel like my fertile years are fast evaporating!!!!
| Foxie |
| (member) |
| 04/07/2008 19:16 |
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Re: Such a longing!!!!
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Sorry, lulubells I can't help you with this one. I was just so thrilled with my two children, I never wanted anymore.
Are your daughters growing up and off to school now? Maybe you feel the nest is a little empty now? If your OH doesn't want any more children, it doesn't mean you can't be involved with children. I don't know what your job is, but if you worked with children it might help you come to terms.
Foxie x.
| blossom97 |
| (member) |
| 04/07/2008 20:06 |
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Re: Such a longing!!!!
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I only have one child, I am Very maternal, but have never wanted any more.!
| Chickadee |
| (member) |
| 04/07/2008 20:22 |
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Re: Such a longing!!!!
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Lulubells, I know exactly where you are coming from. I had two sons and loved them to bits, but I was sure there was another child out there waiting to be born. That feeling got stronger as I got into my early 40s - there is a good biological reason for that, as a woman's fertility has a little peak then, a sort of final fling pre-menopause.
My d. was not, however, a "planned" baby - my then OH was pretty unenthusiastic. The pregnancy was hard work and I don't think that I ever fully recovered physically. I felt too that as she was growing up, I was not as active with her as I was with the boys. Having said that, she has been a great joy to me - and kept me young in other ways. I think, however, having a teenage boy around in ones late 50s might be more of a challenge!
| Lisafizzy |
| (member) |
| 04/07/2008 20:29 |
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Re: Such a longing!!!!
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Hi lulubells, I 100% know exactly how you are feeling. I felt just like this for many years but my situation was a bit different to yours, as we both desperately wanted more children but it didn't work out for us, (we have a beautiful D who is 19 now who is the light of our lives and we both adore her.) We had IVF but it didn't work for us and the stress nearly broke up our marriage. I was depressed for a long time, and the physical longing for another baby was unbearable at times, but one day I just woke up and thought "What am I doing?" I have a lovely OH and a beautiful Daughter, I am so so lucky, so why don't I make the most and be grateful for what God has given me. And from that day on that's just what I tried to do. I won't lie and say it was easy lulubells, and sometimes my heart used to be breaking when friends or family had a new baby, but I learnt to cherish and be grateful for what I have. Some people are never able to have children lulubells, and I'm sure there are people on the forum who could tell you how hard that is cope with. You are so lucky to have your two lovely girls, Why don't you concentrate on being the best Mum that you can to them and enjoy every minute of their childhood, as it passes all to quickly. Lastly Lulubells, I'm sure you know that having another baby won't cure any problems you may have with your OH and it's not the answer. Sorry, I don't mean to be hurtful when I say that, but a baby won't make things better it will just pile more stress on both of you and that's not what's needed when things are difficult already. Sending you a big hug, I hope the above helps. Lisa. x
| gigi |
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| 04/07/2008 22:24 |
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Re: Such a longing!!!!
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Yes lulu, we adopted because I couldn't have any more. I also had really strong urges to have more children while going through the menopause, to the point that I even bought pregnancy testing kits, as in when OH had been at sea for months, I hadn't had a monthly for months, and OH had had a vasectomy! Very very sad but the urge and feelings were so strong. I even had a phase of wanting the most realistic doll I could find. I never gave into this one though it was comforting to now there was a last resort. It all seems so ridiculous now. My sis tells me that she too had a mild version of what I went through when her menopause began.
| Venitia |
| (member) |
| 04/07/2008 22:35 |
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Re: Such a longing!!!!
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Sometimes I think we have to be careful what we wish for or think twice about what it is we think we want. When I married the first time I always wanted 4 children, but when my only child was 3 my husband left. I then met my second husband who said he only ever wanted 1 child but ended up with 3. When we married he had his 1 (on a day to day basis)he later adopted my daughter (who has remained my only child) and every other weekend I got my extra 3, and the trouble that has brought into my life. We just have to enjoy what we have is what I think lulubells. I hope you will be able to resolve things for yourself so that you can be happy and enjoy your girls.
| dbverycherry |
| (member) |
| 04/07/2008 22:41 |
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Re: Such a longing!!!!
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Hi there Lulu
I understand a little of how you are feeling.
I have two kids a son 21 daughter 19.
I do love little kids and at the 2 year old stage but I don't like the tiny baby stage and I know I wouldn't have the energy that I had in my 20s and when my kids were younger.
I have recently been made a great aunt dbverycherry and to my sister's daughter's little girl. She had her just over a month ago and named Keira.
So I will be making the most of her and visiting her often.
So lovely, nice to hold and cuddle but great being able to hand her back after
dbverycherry
| xxxSummerxxx |
| (member) |
| 07/07/2008 08:03 |
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Re: Such a longing!!!!
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Did anyone read The mail on Sunday yesterday?A couple had their own child then addopted another but "gave her back",as with most things it isnt black n white but i do feel terribly sorry for the Girl.