(member)

16/05/2008 14:41

Stressed GCSE mum

Help, I really need emotional support here, eldest daughter has completely drained me already.
She has been very unlucky so far and deserves to do so well, she has worked so hard.
Firstly she is doing an unusual subject so started while her friends were relaxing on study leave.
On tues she admitted leaving out a 14 mark queston! how do you simultaneously say it doesnt matter, not a big deal, while repeating the whole lecture about timing, reading the question without causing even more panic?
Now we have just found out that a teacher has taught the wrong thing for a significant part of a paper! A tragic mistake by a teacher I respect very much- I understand that he planned his lessons too far in advance.
She is already lacking in confidence and realises herself that she doesnt do herself justice in exams (never really recovered from 11+ exam)
So I am trying desparately to be laid back and upbeat while inwardly feeling awful.

(member)

16/05/2008 14:51

Re: Stressed GCSE mum

Oh isnt it dreadful pressure on all concerned....My YS is just finishing his SATS....not quite the same and he has been fine...I think 1st of all....sit down and deep breath...I find a long walk and time to be alone in order to work out how to take it all forward....

There IS nothing you can do until the results come...and by going over what could have been done is not fair...Its too late...I fully understand what you are saying but nerves presure etc often take over...does your daughter have any relaxation coping techniques??...Maybe listening to a relaxation tape prior could help....this is 1 exam...wth many more to come...so try and give her a boost...maybe a shopping girly trip this weekend...when is the next exam????.....maybe she can miss out on study this weekend and have some time off??....if she doesnt know it now another day is not going to make a difference??.....

Be kind to her and yourself..You are the adult..keep your emotions hidden I think..If she thinks you are stressed then this will put more pressure on her..Can I ask???...Are you a pushy mum??...If worse comes to the worse she can alwasy resit...I know that may sound harsh...but I failed my nursing exams and all my friends were in jobs while I was back to the books.....Good luck and thinking of you....x

(member)

16/05/2008 15:02

Re: Stressed GCSE mum

My d is just finishing her music GCSE as I write, so I sympathise. She's very worried about maths - hates the subject and panics like mad, so has dropped from higher tier which her teachers think she should be doing to foundation, so she can be less stressed and get her Grade C. Try to stay calm and reassuring - as Duffy says there are always resits; but really there is no point in worrying now.

Another thing is to try to get her to put each exam out of her mind once she's done it, so that she doesn't mess up her next one because she's still worrying about the one that's gone. when we're singing in the choir, our conductor says (frequently) don't worry about the mistake you've just made - let it go and get the next bit right. It's good advice for exams too.

I find that Rescue Remedy is helpful (in fact must get some more) - not sure that it really does anything, but the placebo effect is great.

Good luck to you and your daughter, lizalou!

(member)

16/05/2008 15:07

Re: Stressed GCSE mum

This will be me and my teen next year. Haphazard isn't enough to describe the situation here! It is so,so hard to stay detached and upbeat. Give her lots of hugs this weekend and then make sure you spoil yourself and get away from it all. You are obviously a very good mum.

She can always resit if it is as bad as you fear..I wish someone had said that to me at that age. Having a hiccup doesn't have to be the end of the world.

My teen also didn't pass the 11 plus - mainly because everyone else that passed put their kids through hours of private tutoring - years in one case! And I didn't want that for her.

Thinking of you

TT
x

(member)

16/05/2008 15:12

Re: Stressed GCSE mum

Thanks both of you. No not pushy at all ,other 2 children are idle wotsits. But eldest daughter syndrome ,I know Im one myself.
Fully dosed on Flower remedy, worn out on long dog walks, did the girlie shopping last week. Could try relaxation tapes- any suggestion which?

(member)

16/05/2008 15:26

Re: Stressed GCSE mum

I haven't really got anything sensible to add, Lizalou, but do want to send you a virtual hug. Exams can be almost as stressful for parents as for the children themselves, expecially when the children really want to do their best. GCSEs are the worst as there are so many of them all at once - I think it does get easier if they stay on in the 6th form and do less subjects.

One consolation - she won't leave out a 14 mark question again!

(member)

16/05/2008 15:29

Re: Stressed GCSE mum

And she could still get 86 out of a hundred!

(member)

16/05/2008 17:16

Re: Stressed GCSE mum

I am another GCSE mum......for the second time round...first time was horrendous (5yrs ago but feels like yesterday!!)...I was continuely stressed with a daughter who was bright but with a couldn't care less attitude and what is wrong with you mum?

So it must be so frustating for you to have a child who does care and is finding the whole thing stressful. You have just got to support them and really GCSE's are only a stepping stone to A Levels....and then to University so I tried to tell my children that they just had to pass them ...they don't have to aim for A* unfortunately my first took it literally and did just that scrapped through!! but she wasn't stressed.....

The one now is completely different and does have high expectations of herself but so far seems to be coping however I think she would be like your child if she missed out a question and the world would end....I agree with you when will they learn to read the questions mind you when I was doing mine (o levels) in my english exam I wrote 6 essays when I was suppose to pick 3 out of the 6 so maybe it is just exam nerves and what you are suppose to do goes out of the window...

To end I will just say...end of June and normal life resuming cannot come quick enough!!!

Good luck everybody doing exams.....and those living with them!!!!

(member)

16/05/2008 18:48

Re: Stressed GCSE mum

As a mum who has gone through GCSEs, driving tests, A levels, re sits, university applications, job applications etc. with her children. I would just say that no matter what the results are, all is not lost. There is ALWAYS another path in life. Not being afraid of failure and learning how to deal with it is a major life skill.

I wish all your children the very best of luck, but if things don't work out, think of the above and support them through it.
Foxie

(member)

16/05/2008 18:54

Re: Stressed GCSE mum

I lived with my Gran quite a bit, and during my O-levels. She wasn't and educated woman, but all through my exams she cooked all my favourite meals. She even did me pancakes for breakfast, and on the day I had maths she made me potato fritters. It was her way of showing she cared.

My daughter was quite laid back during GCSE's, but my son got stressed so I just took a leaf out of Gran's book and cooked all his favourite meals. They might not have been the healthiest meals, but they were ones he liked and he went into his exams on a full stomach.

You can't make the exams easier, all you can do is make the bits in between less stressful for both of you.

Invest in some nice chocolate and some indulgent relaxing bubblebath. For both of you. Maybe get a good video for you to watch together after an exam, assuming she hasn't got one the next day. Just learn to unwind after each exam.

And when it's all over, have a day out, just the two of you, shopping and lunch

I'm so glad my kids are past all that. GCSE's are harder for parents than pupils

..wispa

(member)

16/05/2008 18:55

Re: Stressed GCSE mum

Hi lizalou,

Don't know if this helps but from what I can make out with my son (although this is as/a levels) they can just keep on resiting them until they get the "result" they like....

madness

It costs money of course but hey-ho

(member)

16/05/2008 20:31

Re: Stressed GCSE mum

I have two children sitting exams at the moment. One GCSE and the other A levels. So am cooking food that they like and lots of chocolate!!
My daughter GCSE is getting very stressed. Looks pale and tired. Next week has 4 exams so it will be a long week. My son has 2 exams next week he is so laid back he would fall over. I think he will probably get stresses over next couple of weeks as these exams are important to him. He so wants to go to university this year.
Qualifications are important but I wish young people didn't have so much pressure. They never seem to get a rest the course work and modular exams are relentless.
I hate it when the results come out in August and the media say the exams are too easy and the results don't reflect how much work the young people have done.
I am trying to diet but am sure I will join my children on the chocolate trail!!!
keep smiling
Hatty

(member)

16/05/2008 20:31

Re: Stressed GCSE mum

Valaber, are you looking forward to maths next week too? OD and I shot ourselves in the foot with maths, really envy you doing lower tier. Because I have always helped OD with maths just to consolidate what she was supposed to have learned in class no one would believe what a struggle she found it. Now the rest of the class are trying to up their a to a*, while I am panicking about a pass. No way am I doing a retake!!!

(member)

16/05/2008 20:47

Re: Stressed GCSE mum

Yes,maths next week, including a Foundation resit of an exam that d. initially did at higher level and got a D.

I'm just trying to keep low key about it. My d was very torn between the teachers' advice (Go for Higher tier - went to pieces in the first module) and her own inclination (Foundation). Really she should have been doing intermediate, but that's no longer an option at her school. We talked about it and I pointed out that as long as she gets a C, then that will be fine for any job or university place she wants to apply for - since she's not going to want to do a course that involves maths.
I felt that the exams are stressful enough, without getting utterly worked up over something that in the long run will probably not make a big difference to her career.

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