My friend went for her smear and went to the toilet at the surgery.
She realised when it was too late that there was no loo paper.
So she scrabbled about, like you do, in her handbag and found a crumpled up tissue, so that had to do.
When the doctor came to take the smear, he asked the nurse for a kidney dish.
When it was all over, my friend caught sight of the kidney dish, and horror of horrors, she saw in it........
a postage stamp!!
When she told me the story, I was trying to imagine what the doctor was thinking, and came up with:
'You'd have thought she would have just licked it!'