Chrissi - I know what you're saying, really I do but honestly can't think of any bad points (which is why it's so devastating) and seeing that you're in Somerset reminds me of a lovely break we had there recently at Porlock Weir. See, I'm turning everything round to the memories. Just want him back. Been hoping there would be a way to get back together and today has really hit me it's over. In the grand scheme of things I do know there are far worse things to deal with (I didn't feel like this when husband died, though) its just so sad and I'm obviously at rock bottom, which makes everything worse. Appreciate your reply and listening to me let it all out.