Hello Issi and thanks for following this through. A lot of what you say about the 4 year situation seems true, so wise words indeed. Partner is not in contact - I sent a brief text with a genuine question regarding a shared "paperwork" issue about a week ago (also emailed same question) but no response.

It feels as if he's denying my existence which, after such a close relationship these past 4 years, is very hard to accept.
I simply can't see it all being an act - nobody could be that convincing over the time period, surely?

It's difficult to go into detail here but I did get to see beyond the professional, capable front and find the slightly vulnerable individual. Maybe that's what he is running from (when I'm equally sure we were nearing the top of our "happiness" scale) if the emotional commitment is too much to handle. I know, I'm still looking for answers

I was the one who held back, grew to love and trust and eventually let the barriers down. He seemed certain it would work from early days and has seen bad times through with me, loved so deeply and hit the peak but now just walked away. The door is definitely closed and I just don't understand why.

Will check out Raj Persaud's book (remember him appearing on breakfast TV a long time ago) and thanks again for "listening" to me offload.