I've read all your comments and have tears in my eyes. thank you to everyone who has responded, I thought I would be judged as a bad person/wife/mother because of the way I'm feeling so your advice and support has been so helpful and inspiring. I'm still in a state of flux, but grateful for the ideas and advice so far. Any more thoughts gratefully received, I don't have anyone else to speak to so you're all m stand in best friends right now!