I was thinking - I wonder if online groups are very supportive not because we are all wonderful people (though of course this is true...

), but because it's not only relatively 'easy' to be supportive - ie, doesn't take long to write a cheering or reassuring message - but also because it's 'safe' for want of a better word.

What I mean by that is that because we are all online, and I would say that most of us - outside supper clubs etc - don't actually know each other in the real world, we know that if we want, we can just 'drop out' again, and not go on being helpful etc. Whereas in the real world, perhaps people feel that if they help a neighbour/friend once, they will always be called on to help??

I think Chrissi's point about 'always saying yes' is interesting. Sounds like it's time to say 'sorry we're busy' the next time one of the 'busy' ones ask you for help. Maybe some people genuinely think that you are the kind of people who have plenty of time on their hands, so it's not a problem for you to help, but of course for them it would be a problem as they are so, so, busy. Some people are extraordinarily insensitive.

I think some people also have a feeling that 'oh, they have it easy!' - I know a divorced mum (A) who has another divorced mum friend (B), but because the A works, and B is stay at home, A think B has an easy life so why shouldn't she pick up A's kids etc etc. What A doesn't seem to take on board is that B has deliberately chosen not to work so she can be at home for her children, and she didn't give up her work (and her salary!) to be a free taxi driver to A who has, thank you very much, got her job and the salary that goes with it. But you can see that A doesn't think that way!

Julie