Hi Star girl,

I am not very good at this kind of advice but will give it my best shot.

First thing is I understand completely what you mean. My first marriage reached the same place and it is a very lonely place at that. I felt unloved, unliked and desperately lonely. I knew that I could not face reaching the end of my life living in that empty, unfulfilling way.

I tried very hard to make it work and did try talking, even suggested counselling. I was told "no out of work social worker is going to tell me how to live my life."

Two years later I left.

It was the bravest thing I have ever done. Two young children to care for and self estemm at its lowest possible point. I did it though and grew through the process.

Eleven years down the road from that very hard day, I am remarried to the right person this time and am very happy.

It wasn't an easy road SG, but I think life puts these things before us to make us grow.

I wouldn't advise an affair. If the marriage is definately over and you have tried every thing you can to make it work then strike out on your own.

My personal opinion is that you shouldn't have affairs inside the marriage vows. Once you have ended those, then it's a different ball game, you can start to look for someone to make you happy again.

Others might advise differently of course and we all have different opinions on these matters, but that is my view point.

I do hope you manage to work it out, it is a really horrible place for you to be in.

Good luck.x