My Husbands wishes would come first but i know he wouldnt want any upset and i think itis a very courageous decision of your cousins wife and very dignified.Often a funeral is a coming together of the family and selective amnesia seems to take hold-what did WE do to upset etc, if some members refuse to come but as i say, i am in the same position especially regarding my son,and i prefer a dignified ending than a hypocritical lets all be nice etc, when we cant be !