I also think the lady was very brave but did she not in fact make a point too? The family must have been stunned when she did not turn up - but - in my view, if someone does not want to like you they will always find things against you and that family possibly now have the added pleasure of saying that "she did not even turn up for her own husband's funeral" which is a fact, whatever the reason.

I honestly believe that you should never make your strong feelings known at weddings, christenings, funerals or some such similar events. The reason is that people always remember the event. If you refused to turn up at a family wedding then you can make an eventual reunion even more unlikely and the animosity can go on with births and affect the next generation.

I have issues with extended family and whenever there has been a reason to make my feelings obvious I have always asked myself what is my duty and what is the right thing to do. The answer is not what I want to know but it has stopped me from exacerbating some tense situations and in the long term has been a real benefit. The only hypocrisy would be in pretending to like someone but that is not the same thing as being in their company for family reasons.