O gigi, how awful for you. Silver is right, it's so sad and complicated.

I do think that you have done the right thing so far and not interefered in your children's relationship with your exOH - well done for that, it can't have been easy.

YS has the right attitute and, if you can, take his stance. Don't tie yourself in knots about this, sympathise with him over his "blasting", if he needs you to, but otherwise don't make yourself unhappy. YD is old enough to sort out her relationships with her siblings.

I read your post to Sally this morning, and something similar applies - you gave YD wings to fly and fly she will. Sadly you won't be able to choose the direction or her flying companions.

I remember the lengths you went to when your S was in difficult in Italy and know that you will do what you always do - you'll be their wonderful Mum, who is always there and you'll pick up the pieces as and when required.

We're all here for you. Hugs.