My MIL threw her dinner at her MIL and my mother should have done the same to hers!! My MIL didn't like me at first, when my OH and I started dating because I had no brains she could boast about and didn't go to university or have a budding career ahead of me! Not that she has any, just a very large mouth that can't keep shut. You know the expression, speak first and engage brain later, that is her to a tee! Then she realised I was the one that kept the family together and she was fine. Probably too because I was the one that would give in all the time, to keep the peace. However, it is now the other way round and I am sick to death of her. Fortunately with phones now telling you who is on the other line, I try not to speak to her. Of course sometimes I can't find my glasses when it rings! When I do get caught, she can't wait to lecture me on my mother, who unfortunately lives in the same town as her and is getting dementia. What really did it though was when she told her friends I wasn't interested in my grandson-to-be when we were told my son's partner was pregnant. Firstly, I hadn't even spoken to her about it, as she doesn't like my DIL and secondly, she couldn't have been further from the truth. I was about to phone her and play merry hell with her but my OH said she wasn't worth it. But we got the message across that we knew what she had said, that it was a huge lie and that we weren't impressed. Every phone call after that, she mentioned the baby and my DIL's welfare! I find too that when it has gone several weeks since I actually spoke to her, she is extra nice when I do!

I think your OH has to take a strong stand here and speak up for you. You could face up to them and ask them outright but you have to be prepared for any answer they give you. You sound to me that you are a bit like my mother - too nice and don't want to hurt their feelings. They certainly aren't worth getting upset over.