Hi Jenni
I'm sorry but I get the impression that you are inferring that 'get out' is the easy option. I appreciate that everyone's circumstances are different but it is NEVER an easy option to 'get out'. I am 62 and when this happened to me there were simply not the services in place that there are today. Also how can anyone's relationship be OK if they have to witness their partner 'belting' their child.

I am a very confident person, was the higher earner in the partnership, the cleverer, came from a very loving home without any violence where myself and all my siblings were treated with respect and allowed to be ourselves and to accept responsibility etc. but I came out of it poorer and with my self esteem battered and no my ex wasn't an out and out b******. He just needed to control everything due to his extremely low self esteem. He could be kind and considerate and hugely romantic but in a second spoil it with temper flare ups. We jointly wrote and had published an article which explained how it felt from both sides and it was clear from that that he hated his own behaviour but couldn't change it. I don't hate him but I hated his behaviour and in the end it killed all feelings I had for him.

If you can resolve it you're very lucky - please don't think we didn't try. I will never believe that it is better to stay together for the sake of the children. If you're fearful as a logical mature person think how much worse it must be for children. However as I said in my original post Marie must be the one who makes the decision. I would second the comments that it has to be carefully planned as the violence usually escalates if the abuser feels under threat but if there is any possibility of harm to yourself and your children get out immediately. Bricks and mortar can be replaced physical, emotional and psychological damage is much more difficult to put right. Being in this position paralyses you until you can't think straight.

In no way am I criticising Marie IT IS NOT HER FAULT and as I said in my first post she must do what SHE thinks is right.

However in my opinion home should be a haven not a battlefield.

Best wishes,

Pat aka Poppyc